[Trace14]

When did you know something was different and you had CPTSD? Do you know when it started? Is it something that a person has had for a long time then resurfaces with some trauma? Or is it just something new, and recent, with the trauma?

I know it pretty much started when I was 3 since

Possible trigger:

that's when the abuse started

but I only realised I had complex-PTSD a few months ago, when I was diagnosed with it in hospital.

[MoxieDoxie]

I knew something was wrong or broken with me very early in life. PTSD never crossed my mind because I thought that was only something the people in the military got or from a war or disaster. Before the Internet was in every home and before I got a computer the only mental illness I knew of was depression. I have symptoms of that because that is part of PTSD but I felt something else was very wrong. I wanted to die all the time, I never wanted to go out or leave the house, I wanted to hurt myself and did. Then the Bulimia stared in my 30's after a suicide attempt. They released me the next day and I never got any help. 15 years later I could not take it anymore and made a therapy appt for the Bulimia because that is what tangible that I cloud explain. Walked in a Bulimic...walked out Complex PTSD, BPD and Eating disordered.

I thought it was something only war vets got too.

[ThingWithFeathers]

I knew I was different, but thought it inherent in my personality. I didn't realise there was such a thing as cptsd and I thought ptsd was simply about a severe startle response. I exhibited what I know now were symptoms of cptsd most of my life, starting probably around age 4 - 5 and getting worse as the abuse got worse. I found out after experiencing unrelenting flashbacks and mental health problems. I started seeing a t two years ago and, after a crisis a year in, was diagnosed with ptsd by a psychiatrist in hospital. Since then, my t maintains that I have cptsd due to the extent, length of the abuse and the entrapment in the environment. But, yeah, I knew I was different, that I had a lot of difficulty with life and people and safety and trust, but I didn't know until a year ago what specifically it was.

[Trace14]

I can't really put my finger on it but I'm thinking it started when I witnessed my grandfathers death at age 4-5. I've always had a hard time with death, even a stranger, I wonder if this was a part of the PTSD.

[rewire]

I had no idea until recently. I have always felt 'it' but attributed it to 'me'. went to counseling and low and behold it all came out. Poured out actually. I have no doubt it was with me all along. It was a slight relief to realize it wasn't 'Just' me.

[Trace14]

Yes rewire I understand that feeling, but yet I keep looking for other answers and maybe a way to correct this without outside help. But it's like being in quick sand. Best wishes on your recovery.

[me665]

I knew when my daughter mentioned it, saying she thinks she has it because of her father. I googled it though, "that's me too". I realized I have it because of my mother, my first husband and my current husband. My whole life has been walking on eggshells never know what will set the other person off. I was never physically abused or called names, but I would be accused of "being or doing" something wrong. I'd say something innocent and hear "don't ever talk to me like that again" or I'd accidently bump something and hear how inconsiderate I was. My current husband used to fly into door slamming rages. He eventually started taking Zoloft and the rages stopped. I still have the hypervigilence that I learned with him though.....how is he this morning, what is his mood, why is he quiet, did I say that wrong? So, basically I was berated and shamed my whole life and never knew when it was coming. My once saving grace was my father. He loved and respected me always.
Anyway, I read about it around 2 years ago and mentioned it to a therapist and my psychiatrist (I see him to get Adderall for ADHD and post West Nile fatigue). They listened to the history and confirmed it. My daughter has also been diagnosed officially (from my two husbands behavoirs mostly).

[Babysteps4me]

Because I suffered from a series of depressive episodes in my life, no one believed me when I told them (after I experienced a traumatic betrayal and loss that left me financially helpless) that I was MORE THAN JUST DEPRESSED. I recall feeling as if my brain stem had snapped. Suddenly I could no longer do anything - be on time, multi-task, walk my dog, think clearly, carry objects etc. I was walking and talking while inside I was SCREAMING. I wanted to tear my own hair out. Plus I went into a deep major depression that no combination of anti-depressants could make better - not even easier to bear.

That was in 2002. Fast forward to 2014. After 12 years of being told I was suffering from treatment resistant depression, one doctor asks me my history. And says,"Well you know you have ptsd."
I started to cry and said "I have been trying to tell everybody that for years but no one has listened."

So since then I started from scratch on my road to recovery. I lost a decade of my life. I am new to this forum and hope to learn much and support many.

I am Babysteps4me -hi 😊

[Trace14]

Thanks for posting Babysteps4me and welcome to the forum. Sorry you lost that part of your life, but hoping that things will get better for you in the future. Welcome.

[thepeaceisinthegrey]

Originally Posted by Trace14

When did you know something was different and you had CPTSD? Do you know when it started? Is it something that a person has had for a long time then resurfaces with some trauma? Or is it just something new, and recent, with the trauma?

I think I pretty much knew since I was young but didn't start having major symptoms until I went through very traumatic events later in my adult life. I get the flashbacks and nightmares constantly, I have severe depression and anxiety. I didn't get diagnosed with C-PTSD until I started intense therapy. Before it was just PTSD.

[Recovery Girl]

I always knew, or felt, that something was really wrong with me. I didn't have any idea what, just knew I was different from other people. Then as a young adult I was diagnosed with depression. It wasn't until I started going to my current T that I was diagnosed with PTSD resulting from multiple abuse as a child all the way till I was almost 40 yrs old. It's terrible, I still have times that I feel "different" and "bad" and not worth anything and the damage still effects my daily life today. When you are told you are worthless & no good for all your young life you tend to believe it and it sticks with you. Thankful to know this now and to realize that it takes time to work through all the "stuff" and little by little it gets better. What is it they say, "One layer at a time".