lately i can't stop thinking about my abuser/rapist's son. he was about a year old when i stopped talking to him. i only saw one picture of him and all i remember are the chubbiest cheeks i've ever seen on a baby and his dad's black eyes. when i showed my mom, she exclaimed, "that should have been YOUR baby!!!!!" sure. it would have been my baby if he had gone through with his plans to tie me up in his basement and keep me there until i gave him one and then another and then another and so on until i couldn't anymore. he'd be four now, i think. maybe five. i can't stop thinking about this little boy growing up with a demon father. how subtly humiliating and smothering and degrading he is. how he worms into your head and he's so proud that he can and you can't do anything about it.

i don't know. i imagine him beating that child down mentally the way he did to me, and maybe it will be different, maybe he won't see his son like an object just because it's his flesh and blood and not his dog. maybe he's changed over the years and he's a better person now. but i imagine the things that child might go through, thinking he's the stupidest creature flung onto this earth and his Father is the one true Glorious Intelligent Being left alive and Knows Best at Everything and will Save Him. i, dont want a child to live with him, i don't want a child anywhere near him. i hope his fiance or girlfriend or wife whatever the kids mother i s to him realizes what he is someday, grabs that child and gets out of there as fast as legs and wheels can carry them. i wish it HAD been my baby, that i WAS trapped in that basement, then another person wouldnt have to suffer through him for a second. at least he didn't kill my family, but he should have killed himself in 2009. the best christmas present i could ever have to make up for the rape is his fcvking obituary framed over my bed.

i dont know if this even belongs here i dont know if i was even young enough for th is to count as childhood abuse i was 14-15 when he did these things to me!!!!!! and he was only 2 years older but so so so much more mature the levels were so vast and he was such an ancient soul my mom could tell i could tell anyone could tell he had been other p;laces he had seen other worlds he isnt of this plane hes not human!!!!!!! but a year and a half i let him beat me down!!!!!! i loved him so much!! i loved him i loved him and i let myself believe ui deserved the things he did and that putting up with it was just what good partners did!! and he threatned tokill my family and everyone i love and then himself and leave me alive to deal with the carnage i had caused by breaking up with him because he was Passionate!!!! he was just So In Love!!!! he cared So Much but when it was time for me to get help he was so bitter that the doctors were brainwashing me and controlling me and making me hate him!! he made me hate them first!! he made me reject help and family and friends and everything in between me and him!! i desevred it but i didnt and no one will ever love me that way again and thank god and the subterranean computer complex for that!!!!!!!!!!

[cur0]

Hi, I can personally relate to much of this...my main abuser (that I know of, I've had at least 2-3 but suspect abuse I don't remember due to amnesia) was about 9 months older than me, and we were both children when she abused me for years on end. She was physically, psychologically, and possibly sexually abusive towards me. She was vicious, if any of my friends (who she attempted to isolate me from) confronted her about how she was treating me she would threaten to kill them in front of me because she didn't want to stop abusing me.
You're definitely not alone in wondering if your abuse was child abuse, and due to my experience children can definitely abuse other children (I consider anyone under 18 a child). And like you said, he was much more adult like and it sounds like there was a huge power imbalance between the both of you. If you want to see it as child abuse then that's perfectly valid, I myself tell people when asked that I was abused as a child, even though my narrative of child abuse is pretty atypical. I think many of us struggle with feeling like we deserved what happened, I do too, but no matter what, you were a child who should never have had someone there to beat you down and take advantage of you. Children don't deserve that, no child does, not even my own abuser who may have actually attempted to kill.
As for the baby, you probably have limited options. At this point I don't know if you could get his father locked up for the rape, or what situation that would leave the baby in, but it could definitely separate them. Then again, that could cause trauma for the child. It's a tough situation and unfortunately there's probably not much you can do for him.
Keep this boy in your good thoughts if that helps you find solace, I'm sending my best wishes to you as well because this post kind of resonated with me.

im so sorry abt your situation. i know a lot f those feelings he used a lot of the same tactics. but a lot of the big details of what he did are lost to amnesia. i barely remember a thing about 2009 beyond stray chunks. dont think there will ever be a way to report him with those. it happened so many years ago and hes such a manipulative person hed just find a way to make me look like a vindictive ***** ex making things up to get back at him for ??????something??????? and everyone will eat it up. people are cruel. theyll reach and reach for anything that proves his innocence. i remember adults telling me i was the one being abusive putting him through so much pain when i broke up with him. his dad calling and yelling at me when his son was done yelling at me. i dont know how long that went on but at one point it was nightly and it would go on for hours.

but. i know i cant do anything for the kid. its hardly my business beyond me knowing what kind of person his dad is. we were still speaking when his son was an infant and he seemed loving enough. he always wanted a child, his biggest fear was that he would die before he had kids. so maybe that softened him a little. but hes not human. maybe he was once but he was altered somewhere and the thing occupying his body is not a human soul. what you said about just keeping him in good thoughts is making me tear up for ssome reason. i was sad when i heard that the baby i heard gurgling in the background for months was his son and i was vaguely jealous when he told me abt handling the mother at the ER (i was still in love with him and hadnt remembered what he did or at least hadnt registered the things i did remember as Not Normal Couple Things). but i never, ever thought badly of the kid. even when i wished him the worst i would never want his son to suffer. idk. im allowed to worry