Compliments, Gratitude, and Greed

I have a hard time taking complements or gifts. I know why, I just wanted to express how hard it is. I will actually find a way to make myself feel bad about the most well intentioned complements.

Monday was a great day for complements and thanks. It was a hard day for me.

Anyone else?

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I agree. I love to help others but don't want anything in return. I have a hard time accepting help from others.

Not me. Worked through that one. What kind of treatment have you had?

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Good question. I have had one year of so-so therapy. Mostly tools to help with flashbacks.

I have just changed therapists and she is talking about goal based therapy for PTSD and conflict-avoidance.

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Ok I've had a lot of therapy. I think this will get easier for you with more therapy. I think your new therapist sounds great. I hope it works out better.

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your post speaks to me so much!! I know my emotions stem from the way I was constantly berated for not showing "enough" gratitude from my NPD parent for what I was given and the stress that was put upon me at certain gift giving times by them. I love to give gifts now that they are out of my life, however receiving without guilt/awkward feelings is still something I am working on.

As for compliments that is something that makes me feel really uncomfortable and I tend to joke them off with self deprecating humor. I do live within a culture where you are seen as having a large ego if you are readily able to receive a compliment, also something I am working on as I know that thinking is warped

Interesting. I feel some of my difficulty in accepting gifts and feeling grateful and deserving. I feel like my NPD parent might have made me feel like I was acting greedy if I got excited when I got a gift. But then again my excitement may have been interrupted by my father stopping me and telling me to say thank you and give a hug and a kiss I did not want to give.. Hmm.

I also have a theory that if I was too excited it made him uncomfortable, and so he stopped me from feeling that early in life.

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Thank you.

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You're welcome! Keep us updated. I've also done some codependency recovery work around this. For example there is an affirmation I used to use: just for today I will take one compliment and hold it in my heart, I will let it nurture me. I left my narc parents at age 18 and have been working on my recovery ever since. Additionally because of my work in ACA I am now able to have a relationship with them. The book that started me on my healing journey was called healing the child within by dr. Charles Whitfield. You may want to look it up as well as CODA or ACA and see if there are local meetings .

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I really like that.

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Yes it works, I'm an example. Please try it! It's from CODA. We used to go around the room and read it out loud.

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I have a hard time asking for help. I will help others readily...but asking for help is hard to do.

I had to handle/take care of myself as a child and for most of my adult life. My exhusband is a diagnosed Narcissist and did not offer help. Also, I had to be constantly alert for incoming abuse from my mom and later my (ex)husband.

I would never ask them for help, I was surviving and they wouldn't want to help me, anyway. I think I've spent a lot of years in fear and trying to stay under the radar. I didn't realize I had needs until I went into therapy. That's strange to type, but it's true.

I now have one person in my life, my boyfriend, I can ask for help, which is wonderful.

I'm able to accept compliments now....I used to have an issue but got past that.

I love gifts. I'm grateful for gifts but don't expect them. No one ever gave me thoughtful gifts until I met my boyfriend; this was after my divorce from my N exhusband.

I'm rambling. Sorry if I strayed too much. I'll get the hang of it soon.