My consultation with Pete Walker

Hi everyone,

So today I had the opportunity to talk with Pete Walker. I discussed with him the main topics that causes me a lot of problems like the inner critic attacks and how I can't rescue myself while I'm in the abandonment depression, shame spiral that happen sometimes in a lot of social situations. I also discussed with him the 4F defense types.

If you read Pete Walker's book, then you know very well he was a Fawn type. That's doesn't mean He always was locked on the Fawn type as it turned out. During recovery which is a very slow process that He kept reminding me of. We can vacillate easily between the 4Fs. For example when we are on the flight mode, we don't want see people, we isolate ourselves, we busy ourselves with anything that keeps the abandonment pain at bay. When we want to be with people however, we can switch to the Fawn type which is to say, people pleasing, seeking approval, over eliciting, sacrificing too much etc. This confusion is now clear for me since I can relate to every 4F defense mechanism. Sometimes I dissociate to Fawn (my major type), others to Flight and so on. So you are not actually locked on one particular F.

The other thing I was discussing with him is my inability to be aware of my dissociation and the inability to manage a flashback while I'm in it. I told him that I only can be mindful and introspective after the flashback, or after the difficult emotional pain is cleared. He told me that being mindful while in a flashback is also a slow process, and we need to strength our left brain connection so we can habituate ourselves toward management, not reactivity. In other words, practice makes perfect.

He is truly a great therapist and a human being. I was trying to tell him I'm following your book road map to the T and kindly replied that what's in his book is simply taken from others!!

Toward the end of the consultation He said to me that I have worked on myself to the degree that even therapists couldn't do, which is something I'm really really proud of. Pete Walker is commending me on the work I've done so far!!

I told him that it would be an honor if he sometimes visit Complex PTSD forum on Psychcentral. A lot of us looking forward on him being here.

Finally I think he's about to publish another book!!! yayyyyy

Thanks for posting about your consultation! I've determined that I am primarily a Freeze/Fawn. Still in the very beginning phases of figuring things out. It would really be neat if he did stop by once in a while.

You welcome. I'm habituated by default towards Fawn while I'm with people. This doesn't mean I can't dissociate toward other F types like Flight, Freeze or Fawn. Since I can't be mindful, at least for now, when I'm triggered. I wait when I feel fine and composed and try to retrospect and think carefully about what happened. This method at least is working to some degree toward strengthening my mindfulness. I think mindfulness is a very important practice because it helps us break the cycle of reactivity. We react most of the time which causes us further pain and troubles.

That sounds like a wonderful experience. Oh yes, it would be great if he stopped by here one day. He may just do it, he's a very nice guy. From looking at what you wrote I'm a flight out of the F's.
That was quiet the compliment he gave you. You must be busting at the seams

I've heard mindfulness is something you have to practice and get to a point where you do automatically. My head is too consumed with other thoughts to stop and be mindful, but it's worth working on.

It was Trace, and you're right I was so happy after the call for like hours

I agree totally with this. I can go into fight and flight when appropriate (related to physical danger). When I'm stressing out while dealing with people on a day to day basis, my primary is definitely freeze. I do have some control over this I think, because I used to also have a very strong fight mode when stressed, but I don't like myself when I'm in fight mode so I learned to avoid it at all costs. Fawn is definitely secondary to freeze for me and mainly comes into play when my stress level is lower.