Does anyone actually look forward to sessions?

Does anyone actually look forward to therapy sessions? I never have, kind of like going to the dentist. Does this ever change? Is it because of the topics we talk about or is it lack of connection with the T? Or both? I start getting so stressed about the session one or two days before the appointment, especially if I haven't done everything she asked me to. Because I really have a good reason for not getting them done. It's like I black out everything about the session besides the tapes, or maybe there are just more pressing immediate things that need to be taken care of. Like surviving in daily life.

When I first started in therapy about a year ago during my daughter's first hospitalization, I was in a crisis stage. I welcomed those visits because she was very good at talking me down and helping me cope with what was going on. I never once from March to late November or early December of last year regretted going to see her. I always left feeling better than I did when I got there.

I have mixed feelings about my session on Thursday. I'm sure we will "catch-up" on how my daughter is doing, but my main goal for this session is to try to figure out what the next steps are for me.

There really isn't much I can do for my daughter than I already have. The ones that can help her are her PDoc, her therapist and her friends. I really just wait for cues from her that she wants my help with something. If I suggest something, she usually goes the other way.

I talked to her PDoc earlier this week about some meds she's on for a sinus infection, and the fact that the paperwork for one mentioned impacts on labwork results since she is due a round of bloodwork for Tegratol and Desipramine levels and in that conversation we discussed some of my fears and he really validated a lot of my thoughts. I'm never quite sure that I'm doing the right thing because of my anxiety, but he really helped me to understand that what I'm doing right now is just fine. He is very good at talking me down. I tend to worry about a specific thing with my daughter and it runs through my mind constantly for hours at a time, and then at some point is eases off and then returns again. Then, at some point I work through that and then something else comes up and I do the same thing. He helped me understand that my worries are valid. Not the way I self-torture myself with them though.

We actually had a phone conversation back in December when I was in a major anxiety attack and he stayed on the phone with me for a half hour basically talking me through it. Poor guy.

Anyway, one of my current concerns about starting back up with therapy is that I wonder if I am going to derail the process by constantly turning the topic to my daughter? I wonder if I'm even ready to start working on me? It might be better to wait until she's recovered more and I have worked through more of my fears, and my stress and anxiety levels are back to a more normal (for me) level. I guess that's what I'm going to try to discuss with her on Thursday. Is it even worth going to therapy now?

Yes, it's definitely time to start working on you and try to stay focused on that. Remind the T if you start wandering off track to get you back to you.

No, always a source of anxiety for me...

Thanks, glad it's not just me, sorry you have to go through it too though.

I'm going to try to. We'll see what happens. Today's the day!

You will be fine, be honest, talk about your emotions and feelings
Will be thinking about you, glad mine is over.

Thanks!

The last two therapists I had, I was nervous but excited about seeing them. I liked them, found them intelligent and seemingly competent and also relateable. I had to stop one because of cost and may go back once I quit smoking and can afford the extra couple hundred a month. The other I only saw once per month with a telephone call in between and unfortunately, due to some abuses I received at the hospital she works at, my confidence and trust in the process was shattered and I think she removed herself as my therapist after a benign comment I made....but I don't think I would have went back to her anyways...not sure though. I'm very ready to do the work and make some progress so I have gotten excited about going, but I've also had times where it was much worse than any dentist appointment I've gone to and was more traumatizing than therapudic. I HATE group therapy with a passion and will not share intimate details of my life with stranger who aren't bound to confidentiality....so anytime I've been sent to group, it's just torture.

I hope you find a way to be more comfortable or find the right person who you naturally are more comfortable with. I hope I find my perfect therapist too.

It went really well yesterday. She really is very good and really listens to what I have to say. She also agreed with my assessment that I have CPTSD.

That's wonderful, I hope you continue to have this good rapport with her and look forward to the sessions. You seem to feel very comfortable with her and that's a good thing.