[Fuzzybear]

I feel like such a pos sometimes. I got triggered on another board (not anyone’s fault.. my triggers are my own) and posted something that probably seems “selfish” ...

I’m conflicted about the whole forgiveness of abusers thing, I wish i could forgive them. But on the other hand i forgave a relative again and again and they continued to crap on me (and I was perceived as,...well I’ve already said I was the “family” scapegoat

Thank you to everyone here for being so supportive of the bear

[IrisBloom]

I wanted to say that what I posted in the other thread about letting go...
It was a very long process and very painful to ponder and concede. It takes great fortitude (which I know you have). I don't think I'd be here now if I hadn't come to the point that I could let go. Don't know about offing myself (which is always in the background), but since both parents have passed away now, I think by now I would be eaten up with anger about the unfairness of things. I.e. they got to live their lives and neglect me and treat me like I was a burden to them from day 1, and now they die and get away with it...and I have to build me a life even tho they made a mess of me.

I wish I had a way to really help you, but all I have is my own experiences.

Oh, and read my sig line. lol

[Wild Coyote]

Hi Fuzzy,

I am sorry you are struggling with this. It's amazing you are even considering possibly forgiving certain people someday. I believe you will do so if and when the timing is ever right for you.

Forgiving doesn't mean you must expose yourself to them again. Forgiving, if and when ready, kind of sets yourself free. At least, that's how it has worked for me.

I have been able to forgive; yet, in many cases, cannot re-acquaint myself, being friends with the abusers. I just cannot take the chance of further abuse.

I can reconcile with lesser events of "differences" with people, quite easily. It's the abusers I tend to keep my distance from, even though I have forgiven. Sometimes, just seeing them across the crowd triggers me.

It's really all about taking care of ourselves and making decisions which help us to heal. This may or may not include forgiveness and/or reconciliation. It's a very individualized matter.

The goal is self-healing. Do that which brings you healing. Be with those who help your being.


WC