How do you control memories?

How do you control memories? Or can you?

I don't control memories. I believe they surface when I am ready to deal with them. As I've gotten older, I've learned to be at peace with memories. I cannot explain it, other than acknowledging memories, but refusing to give power to the memories, which, for me, tames them.


WC

I'm hoping that in time they will not be as powerful by taking my breath away. Staying in my head for days and inspiring nightmares about the event or people in the event. Thanks for the feedback and glad you have found a way to harness the memories. How did the day trip go?

Right now, I don't. They control me, and they're mostly nocturnal. It's hard.

There's got to be some way to tame these memories. To put them away safely. I know they always will be there. Maybe the key is learning not to fear them, I don't know.

I dont control my memories. but I did once ask my therapist this same question. his response was can you un see this toy duck, can you un hear the sound its making, can you un feel the texture of the ducks bill (felt material) after feeling it....try it listen. he made the duck quack... now tell me what did it sound like? my answer "quack" ok now un hear it. I spent a week trying to unhear that quack before I realized I cant control the memory of hearing that quack by un hearing it.

since then I have never tried to ......control.....my memories. all I can control is me and how I react to my memories. I switched my focus off of controlling the memory and onto what I wanted to do about how I react to memories.

that therapist taught me how to do grounding and breathing so that memories did not trigger me into my PTSD reactions/ problems.

maybe you and your treatment providers can work on this too, where you can find things that will help you to not feel so triggered when memories strike.

It is possible to control them. But it might take years of practice and/or not being in a situation that causes them to surface. I'll look on the interwebz and see if I can find any good articles about it.

I can see some type of skill that would , as you say, need a lot of practice. But being in a place that would not cause them to surface would be very hard since you never really know what will trigger what memory. Does that make sense?

I do understand. I'm 59 and have been treated for depression for 30 years. I have learned to push away flashbacks for the most part. Some I do allow myself to think about, only to take the horror out of it. Sometimes works, sometimes not. In effect, I have "learned myself" over the years. I know what memories or actions will cause me to have a downswing and am very careful about allowing it to happen. I realize these are things that took years to recognize. I think we have more power over our thoughts and feelings than we think we have. It seems overwhelming at first, but I think with some practice you can do it.

then if you find any artickles of use, you can post them here.

I think that's a great idea

Here are the first ones that popped up:

https://psychcentral.com/lib/coping-with-flashbacks/
https://www.rainn.org/articles/flashbacks
Pete Walker, M.A. Psychotherapy

The day trip was fun!
We'd inadvertently met up with another couple and ended up sharing a lot of our day with them. The husband is a police officer in a neighboring town. We all hit it off so well, they'd joined us for dinner.
Thanks for asking.

WC

nice artickles.

thanks..

Thanks!

You make very good points. I'm thinking the PE therapy and CPT therapy are some of the ways of doing that, maybe. Maybe a lot of practice with these skills also *sigh* Thanks, wonderful to see you back.

I agree, I'm 58, and for years the memories didn't bother me as much, but Dad's suicide seem to empower them and they came in a deluge making feel like I was trapped inside a tornado of really bad memories. Sounds like most are going with skills and a lot of practice to deal with the memories. That's good to know.

Its a lot to overcome, those tornadoes are tough . Big hugs to you, trace
Do you notice each tornado gets a bit shorter? Do you discover things in them that help?

It's been like more of one huge tornado, with many traumas circling me all time. Then one pops out and encompasses me, maybe two and eventually they go back into the spinning around me, even faster. And I wait for the next one to drop out.

Things that help? Not really, but the spin does seem to slow down when one or two are encompassing me. Or maybe I'm just so overwhelmed I can't feel the spin as much. Being inside renders you helpless. No matter how much you scream, yell, kick......no one knows your there. I know a world is existing outside of the tornado, I get glimpses of it sometimes, but not really things I want to see.

Trace, I think after you have experienced a traumatic event (your dad's death) your mind goes through the phases of grief. Not saying it's good or desirable, but could be your mind trying to find equilibrium. It feels like a tornado at first, but hopefully it will get easier with time.

Trauma memories come and go... It is such a complex web of triggers and connections.. I got so frustrated with my trauma memories coming back. They hurt so much. Overtime they lose their emotional impact.

I wish I could tell you whether memories stop flooding us, but in my experience - when I am triggered, I remember things from childhood, let alone the most recent trauma's.

I think the trick is to accept that the trauma is embedded in us. It is part of us. IF we try to fight it, it will only get worse. It takes time and healing and radical acceptance in order for us to find some sort of common ground with our sufferings.

Thanks,
HD7970ghz

It will be 4 yrs, the 29th of this month that I found Dad. Plus last year I lost my beloved cat a week before Dad's death anniversary. It's just a hard month anyway. I hope you are right about it getting easier. Thanks for the responses.

I'm not fighting them, too tired to do that, but letting them hold me hostage to life is not a good option either. Thanks for the response. Hoping it will change one day.

I'm 55. I liken my memories to the bullied child on the playground surrounded by a group of bullies who are taunting her. I've always had these memories, I've always had the fragmented memories, but since my daughter's first hospitalization, many of these memories haunt me, taunt me daily. Sometimes all of them. Prior to that, occasionally they would pop up maybe monthly, but now, it's daily.

I can't control when they surface. My strategies when they arise, have been to try and push them away, avoid them, panic and react to them.

However, I am now starting to sit with them and observe them in a more rational way. Practice the grounding, relaxation stuff when they arise, tell myself I am ok right now, they are "just" thoughts, not happening to me right now.

However, with the images, I also have feelings towards the other people associated with them and feelings about myself. That has been harder to work through and I'm not there yet. But slowly (very), I have times when I can let go of the negative feelings. I think it just takes time and a slow chipping away of things.

I agree, a lot of the memories started a long time ago and have been there, then one big event triggered them all back to life again.