[Fuzzybear]

The big question, how to let go of the hate towards those who abused us. Some of them painted us as the abuser as well.... no. Wrong, just wrong. Step ... maternal unit. A very very sick woman. I could try to forgive her? Can you force forgiveness? I don’t think so. And I doubt if she would forgive me, for even breathing oxygen

I really don’t want to hold onto hate, it does take up a huge amount of energy, this is true. . But fear, including “irrational” fear is worse .. a worse feeling. I’ve been told by doctors in so many words my fears are irrational. But sadly, not all of them are irrational . (scary health stuff, I don’t want to go there )

It’s a sad scary world, this has been my experience

There is much beauty, if I didn’t appreciate this, I’d be dead by now

I’m an idealist at heart, i believe in forgiveness... but I’ve found that many people do not.

And to forget? I don’t even think this is possible.

Online, people
are free to use ignore if a person or posts trigger them.

Doctors trigger me. I can’t “ignore” them

[Purple,Violet,Blue]

What a wonderful person you are. Full of integrity and warmth and grace.

Fuzzy, I have tried to puzzle it out most of my adult life.

I'm a survivor, too.

I can't imagine what it was like for you to go through those things.

They can't be forgotten, in my opinion. 'Moving on' isn't a phrase I use, as it doesn't seem to mean anything to my heart.

For my whole childhood (with occasional breaks) I was convinced my father was going to kill us. That's me, my siblings and our mother. I won't go into any more detail than that but, yes, I didn't think we'd all make it. And I still thank goodness we did grow up and outlive that crazy man. I have a scar on my forehead to remind me, if I am ever presumptuous enough to try and forget!

I certainly, certainly understand... and I can tell you're really suffering right now.

I did forgive him, though, Fuzzy. If we don't, they win.

[Shazerac]

I personally think foregiveness is highly over rated. And sometimes premature. I think we need to through a period of righteous anger and really experience in full depth before we can really start to let it go.

[reb569]

I have not forgiven my father for what he did to my Mom, my brothers and sisters and I. He's been gone for 11 years now. I have no regrets for not forgiving him. He even passed away on my birthday, and though I know it's a ridiculous thought, I can't help but thinking he did it on purpose. The names he called me, my mom, all of us are ingrained into me so deeply that when I get really stressed and turn on myself, it's his words that chastise me. I am reminded daily of the horrible things he did, things I witnessed. Emotional torture. No, I don't feel bad for not forgiving. And I don't forgive others that traumatized me during those years either.

[Ceara1010]

I think that people who are worthy of our hatred aren't worth the energy it takes to hate them. In a way, you give them power and control if you hang on to the hate.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Ceara1010

I think that people who are worthy of our hatred aren't worth the energy it takes to hate them. In a way, you give them power and control if you hang on to the hate.

And that’s what they want...power and control grrr.

I agree with your post, they aren’t worth the energy it takes to hate them

[East17]

The trouble is there are too many 'shoulds'....
I know I should forgive, because by not doing so, the only person it's hurting is me...
I know I should move on, because by not doing so, I am the only one who is stuck in that place...
I know I should let the past remain there, because by not doing so it is poisoning my present and taking away my future...

But even knowing all that, I just can't, because forgiveness to me, is absolution.

[Cat_Lover_58]

For me it's a "one step forward then two steps back" It's a process I'm going though. I no longer wish to hold onto the hate for my abuser! My mother supports the abuser and seems to hold no remorse for what she's done in the name of taking sides..

I don't like her and don't feel like I love her most days. I try and remember that it's not my fault and they are responsible for their part.

I try to focus on my darling daughters, my genealogy work, my other hobbies I enjoy. If I don't, there are days where I feel I'd go out of my mind...