[abusedtoy]

I have multiple prolonged traumas in my entire life and I was diagnosed by my psychiatrist with C-PTSD, because I have been through early childhood neglect, sexual abuse, relentless bullying, family separation, frequent displacements and domestic violence. Living with C-PTSD is like how it seems like the trauma will never stop. I am living it with Major Depressive Episode also.

How does living in C-PTSD feels like?

The slightest thing around me triggers the memories of my trauma. I just could not move. There is not a safe place anywhere, not even a person whom I could trust anymore. I have a need to keep a distance away from the people whom are closest to me and even my own home, as I have no sense of belonging and security. My mind stays hyper-vigilant all the time. Everyone around me poses a threat to me, even those who appears to only have good intentions, to the point that I cannot have any relationships at all, because even the slightest of rejection from others would hurt me emotionally, whether it was done intentionally or unintentionally. I am not only paranoid, but hypersensitive also, for the slightest of sound, touch, sight, movement, thought and utterance would hurt me.

[RubyRae]

Sorry for your struggles abusedtoy,I could relate to much of what you said.

[just2b]

Have C-PTSD too. Recently, within the past 2 months been having paranoia regarding ex, parents, T, and anyone else that might possibly pose a threat in anyway. All these people I have never had any problems with now it's a huge mistrust. Although it's a feeling and not based on facts, T was like you don't have to see me anymore, and it kinda hurt. Feel like she just pushed me away even though it's just a feeling. Voices in my head, or thoughts that are out of context have really messed up my life at the moment and it's causing me to dive down the depression hole. While I feel ok at times I can feel suicidal the next.

[HD7970GHZ]

Hi Abusedtoy,

I just wanted to say that my heart goes out to you and anyone else who suffers C-PTSD.

I resonate with almost all of what you say, minus (of course) your own personal traumas. The post-trauma experience that you describe above so well is exactly how I feel since a trauma a few years ago.

As a fellow survivor, I empathize greatly and share your frustration and anger about all of these matters. Today I was so triggered I punched my wall. The emotions and the physiological symptoms drive me nuts. I can do intense exercise, burn off cortisol and feel amped up ten minutes later. There's no end to this pain and suffering. Constantly having to accept the trauma's, learn to tolerate the pain and suffering and radically accept the past and grieve the life I always wanted but probably will never have. It is heartbreaking. I have to find a way to cope and live with being super sensitive and hyper-vigilant at all times. It is a truly unfair, helpless and exhausting experience. I get so angry at my abusers and I will never get justice. It makes me so sad and makes me feel so alone. So I am SO happy I stumbled on your thread because it is SO relevant.

I hope you have a good day and find peace and calm inside the storm.

HD7970ghz