think i am overwhelmed

Im calling case manager Monday to talk about giving up on the disability or if I can work a little without messing it up… because I have to do something to get out of here…

Feeling really spacey. . forgetful… having a hard time focusing even though I'm telling myself it's not that much I have to do… just a phone call.. I think there is a job waiting for me too.. At a brick place. .

Big life change.. Its hard to know who I am because I've done broken so many aspects of who I was. .

But I've made my mind up and am getting out/away somehow someway…

Working would keep me from using all day too. .

Just in conflict at a crossroad..

Change is hard and even scary but necessary.

Good for you for finally deciding to do something different.

I would wish you luck but I don't think you need it,I believe you're capable of doing whatever you set your mind to.

Thank you Ruby

You are a really nice and caring person…

I am scared a little but feel overall very empty and kind of numb…

Its just like I dont have a choice or any other options

Ill probably have to go stay with my half bro to have ride to work with him…
And he is the one that almost killed us several times.. So it's like I'll leave this chaotic environment to another triggering environment… but I have been around him and I guess it will be ok.. Stay busy working and focused on getting license and car to be able to leavr and stuff..

But its like I'm finally stepping out on my own and dunno if I will succeed.
I don't want to be dependent any more 😕

Nobody knows 100% whether they will succeed or not,but you still gotta try.

Hopefully riding with your half brother will just be a short,temporary thing.It won't take long to save money for a car.Even if it's not the greatest car to begin with,as long as it runs that's all that matters.

Keep looking forward!!

talked to the boss friday... i got the job i just having trouble with getting ID from DMV cause my learners permit expired in december...

****...

i just ****ing hate this planet and all the **** ive been through... im so tired god *****

case manager warned me... was scared for me... said several times its because i have PTSD and she just didnt want things to get worse for me.. but im going to ****ing make things better if i have to take it

hoping i can take birth certificate and expired ids in and talk to him about how im working on getting photo id... i cant take it anymore... im at breaking point if i dont do something soon...

i was so happy, now i just wanna die again... so tired of going UP and falling like a ***** down...