[Thirty shades]

I really feel for the Duchess of Sussex. Her father and that side of the family have no account of her feelings at all. It is plain that she no longer wishes to have contact but they continue to make press interviews.

They are causing themselves shame and not lovely Megan who holds her head high despite having unhealthy relatives.

I am glad that I am not in the public eye. I cut contact with my father but he continues to use whatever method he can and emotional blackmail to cause upset.

Any one else got any similar experience?

I feel for Meghan too Thirty shades
She’s in an awful situation, even if she wanted to speak to him she can’t trust he won’t tell what she’s said...trust is the key in my opinion..

I have similar experiences of cutting contact and for me the anxiety it can bring, although staying in contact would be far worse in my opinion. It can be so tricky because often it is met by anger as rejection is not something many humans take well at all, and if they are unreasonable really can try to cause a problem ...that said , sometimes it really is the only way, in a toxic friendship/relationship 😔
I can’t imagine what it must be like to be in the public eye like Meghan in respect of this. I would hate it...I’m so private...

Best wishes to you xx

[Thirty shades]

Originally Posted by Red daisy

I feel for Meghan too Thirty shades
She’s in an awful situation, even if she wanted to speak to him she can’t trust he won’t tell what she’s said...trust is the key in my opinion..

I have similar experiences of cutting contact and for me the anxiety it can bring, although staying in contact would be far worse in my opinion. It can be so tricky because often it is met by anger as rejection is not something many humans take well at all, and if they are unreasonable really can try to cause a problem ...that said , sometimes it really is the only way, in a toxic friendship/relationship 😔
I can’t imagine what it must be like to be in the public eye like Meghan in respect of this. I would hate it...I’m so private...

Best wishes to you xx

Thank you Red Daisy. Yes we are lucky to have our privacy. It is always nice to find something we can be grateful for.

Best wishes to you xx

I have an overall toxic family. My parents are deceased, but the extended family and I dont do well together.

One cousin I've had to block 3 different accounts on fb. Had to block her phone number. Had to tell her repeatedly not to call my work. I've been very forward in saying I dont want contact.

My step dad is another one. I told him point blank that we never had a good relationship and now that my moms gone, we have no common ground. Yet he still pops up at my work.

I could go on. I get lectured by the few blood relatives I talk to about how I should hold on to family. I tell them my family are the people who are by my side no matter what and blood has nothing to do with it.

I was triggered badly last night by my brother...we live quite far apart from each other I have two brothers...we were very close as kids, we suffered the same...I realise my childhood had an affect on me and have sought help in recent years due to that, they are too macho to seek help is the best way I can put it...although to me it’s obvious that they struggle with things and unfortunately take after my father...
My youngest brother got in touch with me around 18 months ago and surprisingly since then he calls me on average once every two weeks. Initially it triggered me , then because it was ok ,I was ok...well last night he called and it was as if he had been ruminating for days on something that was bothering him about my other brother and underlying I could tell he wasn’t happy with me either...he vented and ranted from the minute I picked up the phone, it reminded me of my dad with my mum and I was so triggered....it’s so sensitive I didn’t want to stop him or leave the call...I felt trapped into listening..he was really enraged and contradicting himself...really awful...and saying family it’s family as if because we are all family we have to put ourselves out and there are rules that even with mental health problems when you can’t call you should...it was ridiculous at the same time very upsetting...I kept as calm as I could and I guess did well, I encouraged Him to speak with my other brother about what he mentioned he wasn’t happy about with him ,and I said I just sometimes don’t make calls as I can be in a bad place, I hadn’t realised he’d expected me to make calls to him as it seemed to suit him to call me when he wasn’t working or travelling, rather than me call and hes driving , as that’s his job, he didn’t really understand at all...
I feel like I never wish to speak to him again really, although I didn’t let him know that ...it’s too upsetting and I think he will take it as rejection and take it badly....funny because for years there was no contact...
I will avoid him as much as I can now because I realise he really is just like my father who was a bully and always right no matter what ...they love, but on their terms and their expectations are so high and their annoyance is clear to see and hear, I had no idea there was such a problem it came from nowhere.......It will be difficult because I think he may have an idea if I start not answering my phone suddenly so I have to do a gradual thing ...unfortunately I think my older brother will now start calling too because of this, as younger brother mentioned me to him ...
I’m so upset by it all....they would never understand how awful they make me feel, it was lovely when he was calling and we would just talk about general things ..now he’s been like that ,I know it’s spoilt it ..like my father ,I could hear he has big issues....

Sorry I truly am waffling I guess I’m trying to get it out there as I’m so upset....

Best wishes to anyone who has read and understands
Xx

[Thirty shades]

Originally Posted by Red daisy

I was triggered badly last night by my brother...we live quite far apart from each other I have two brothers...we were very close as kids, we suffered the same...I realise my childhood had an affect on me and have sought help in recent years due to that, they are too macho to seek help is the best way I can put it...although to me it’s obvious that they struggle with things and unfortunately take after my father...
My youngest brother got in touch with me around 18 months ago and surprisingly since then he calls me on average once every two weeks. Initially it triggered me , then because it was ok ,I was ok...well last night he called and it was as if he had been ruminating for days on something that was bothering him about my other brother and underlying I could tell he wasn’t happy with me either...he vented and ranted from the minute I picked up the phone, it reminded me of my dad with my mum and I was so triggered....it’s so sensitive I didn’t want to stop him or leave the call...I felt trapped into listening..he was really enraged and contradicting himself...really awful...and saying family it’s family as if because we are all family we have to put ourselves out and there are rules that even with mental health problems when you can’t call you should...it was ridiculous at the same time very upsetting...I kept as calm as I could and I guess did well, I encouraged Him to speak with my other brother about what he mentioned he wasn’t happy about with him ,and I said I just sometimes don’t make calls as I can be in a bad place, I hadn’t realised he’d expected me to make calls to him as it seemed to suit him to call me when he wasn’t working or travelling, rather than me call and hes driving , as that’s his job, he didn’t really understand at all...
I feel like I never wish to speak to him again really, although I didn’t let him know that ...it’s too upsetting and I think he will take it as rejection and take it badly....funny because for years there was no contact...
I will avoid him as much as I can now because I realise he really is just like my father who was a bully and always right no matter what ...they love, but on their terms and their expectations are so high and their annoyance is clear to see and hear, I had no idea there was such a problem it came from nowhere.......It will be difficult because I think he may have an idea if I start not answering my phone suddenly so I have to do a gradual thing ...unfortunately I think my older brother will now start calling too because of this, as younger brother mentioned me to him ...
I’m so upset by it all....they would never understand how awful they make me feel, it was lovely when he was calling and we would just talk about general things ..now he’s been like that ,I know it’s spoilt it ..like my father ,I could hear he has big issues....

Sorry I truly am waffling I guess I’m trying to get it out there as I’m so upset....

Best wishes to anyone who has read and understands
Xx

I am sorry to hear that you are having family problems. I can empathise with you that male family members seem to be unable to recognise the trauma they suffered and accept their behaviour.

You are not a problem Red Daisy. It is so hard for us when triggered because our normal assertive selves cannot function. We either freeze or fight, neither helpful or constructive. I guess writing a letter could be an idea, if you feel it could work? Expressing our feelings to help them understand, can help but also leaves us open to family gossip, so its a fine margin.

If they are like my father, then it won't work.

I hate it when other people trigger me and my days are taken up processing the hurt. Much love and best wishes to you.

[Unrigged64072835]

My brother and I always had a strained relationship. Once my dad's estate was settled I never heard from him again. My dad's mother has Alzheimer's and wouldn't remember me. My mom's mother harassed me shortly before my mom died of cancer. I don't speak to her. I'm FB friends with my dad's sister but I haven't told her anything. I think she would freak out if I told her about the abuse.

I cut them off a long time ago because of all the family drama. I didn't need that while I was raising my daughter and trying to earn a living. My aunt was the most considerate out of all of them.

Originally Posted by Thirty shades

I am sorry to hear that you are having family problems. I can empathise with you that male family members seem to be unable to recognise the trauma they suffered and accept their behaviour.

You are not a problem Red Daisy. It is so hard for us when triggered because our normal assertive selves cannot function. We either freeze or fight, neither helpful or constructive. I guess writing a letter could be an idea, if you feel it could work? Expressing our feelings to help them understand, can help but also leaves us open to family gossip, so its a fine margin.

If they are like my father, then it won't work.

I hate it when other people trigger me and my days are taken up processing the hurt. Much love and best wishes to you.

Thank you so much for reading my post...
It’s so lovely to be acknowledged and understood
Means a lot!
Take care...it helps to write it down...
Not heard from my brother since, which is good 😊
Good wishes to you x

Originally Posted by Fharraige

My brother and I always had a strained relationship. Once my dad's estate was settled I never heard from him again. My dad's mother has Alzheimer's and wouldn't remember me. My mom's mother harassed me shortly before my mom died of cancer. I don't speak to her. I'm FB friends with my dad's sister but I haven't told her anything. I think she would freak out if I told her about the abuse.

I cut them off a long time ago because of all the family drama. I didn't need that while I was raising my daughter and trying to earn a living. My aunt was the most considerate out of all of them.

Thank you for sharing.
I’m so sorry for the struggles you had with family ..
I think you hit the nail in the head when you say your aunt was the most considerate...consideration for someone is so important, and something I find my brothers just don’t seem to have amongst other things..

I moved away from my home town and rarely saw or heard from my brothers for years...I think we had sub consciously cut each other out....
It’s funny one of them now gets in touch and is trying to keep contact after all this time and causing a problem .maybe it’s because we are getting older , I know I feel guilty but I can’t cope with the relationship ..
It does help to write it here and get it out..hope it helped you
Good wishes x

[cptsdwhoa]

I've just gone no contact with my grandmother (minimal contact with other family members on mom's side). She did not respond to my message to her, but my aunt says Grandma thinks that I think she's the devil lol. We shall see how this goes.

I've decided to go no contact with my father as well. He's always had a negative comment about me not keeping in touch with him. I've tried, but I just need more time to heal (especially since he doesn't want to talk about the past hurts) and truly forgive him. He barely keeps in touch as usual anyway. Maybe it won't be so difficult with him.