[cptsdwhoa]

Hey everyone, how are you?

I'm well. There's been a lot going on on my end, but I am FINALLY free of the abusive situation I was in! I moved out and I'm loving having my own place. Thank God for that. There is hope.

One of my abusers, so I've heard anyway, is checking up on my Facebook page though (and telling people lies about me and wanting them to check up on my page by friend requesting me). This is my first time really being back on social media since myspace. So, the idea that this abuser is doing this is nerve wracking. We aren't friends on there so they can't see anything I don't make public. Still, it's like I'm being watched even after leaving.

What do you think...should I make everything only for my friends to see, or like get off of Facebook? I just got on there a few days ago. I don't want to be too afraid to live my life. I was thinking if anyone asks anymore questions wondering about what this person has said, then I would tell them that they lie and stop believing them. It's exhausting having to go back and make sure people know the truth from the lies.

Also, I started therapy. The first two sessions were just paperwork. So, the therapy starts at our next session. She's not too familiar with C-PTSD symptoms. Any advice on how to proceed with a therapist that isn't too familiar with C-PTSD. I gave her this article to explain some of my symptoms: Life-Impacting Symptoms of Complex PTSD | The Mighty

She said she would read it. I will read Pete Walker's book: Redirect Notice and go through that with her. I'm thinking that may be an okay start.

Thanks all.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by cptsdwhoa

Hey everyone, how are you?

I'm well. There's been a lot going on on my end, but I am FINALLY free of the abusive situation I was in! I moved out and I'm loving having my own place. Thank God for that. There is hope.

One of my abusers, so I've heard anyway, is checking up on my Facebook page though (and telling people lies about me and wanting them to check up on my page by friend requesting me). This is my first time really being back on social media since myspace. So, the idea that this abuser is doing this is nerve wracking. We aren't friends on there so they can't see anything I don't make public. Still, it's like I'm being watched even after leaving.

What do you think...should I make everything only for my friends to see, or like get off of Facebook? I just got on there a few days ago. I don't want to be too afraid to live my life. I was thinking if anyone asks anymore questions wondering about what this person has said, then I would tell them that they lie and stop believing them. It's exhausting having to go back and make sure people know the truth from the lies.

Also, I started therapy. The first two sessions were just paperwork. So, the therapy starts at our next session. She's not too familiar with C-PTSD symptoms. Any advice on how to proceed with a therapist that isn't too familiar with C-PTSD. I gave her this article to explain some of my symptoms: Life-Impacting Symptoms of Complex PTSD | The Mighty

She said she would read it. I will read Pete Walker's book: Redirect Notice and go through that with her. I'm thinking that may be an okay start.

Thanks all.

my first thought is your question asking .........us...... whether you should change your facebook settings or leave facebook....

you just got out of an abusive relationship where you can now make your own decisions and whats happening you are asking others to make your decision for you...

yea making your own life is hard after someone has been in control huh. you have finally taken a big step for your health safety and well being. its now time to take the next step and you be in control of what ..........you......... want to do.

let me show you something.... if I say change your settings and something happens are you going top hold me responsible? if I tell you to get off facebook are you going to hold me responsible for your leaving?

yea its easy to make others the bad guy, ask others what to do and then what ever happens you cant say you made the decision yourself, you could blame who ever on psych central that told you to do it.

sorry so sorry but Im not going to be this fall guy. you have made a great leap for yourself and Im not going to deminish that leap by telling you what to do now.

if you want to stay or leave facebook thats your decision.
if you want to reset your settings or leave them alone thats your decision.

if you are asking how my own facebook settings are and whether I leave facebook any time something happens.... my answer is I have a few facebook accounts..... personal (friends and family), work related,.... I set each of these settings for what I want them to be at given what the accounts are for. Yes sometimes I do take breaks but its no reflection on others that are on facebook. I determine when I need breaks based on how I am feeling that day.

my suggestion is now that you are free, dont hop back into the frying pan of letting others be in control of you physically or emotionally. take time to breath and decide what ..............you ..............want to do and need to do for ........You.

[Stone92]

Congratulations on getting free!


I would just make everything 'friends-only'. I know my abuser uses facebook, and I'm just careful about who can see what I post. I wouldn't worry too much about trying to correct people's lies. Just take the questions as they come. If you feel the need to warn people that so-and-so might be upset with you for moving out, that could help. Both your peace of mind, and to clear things up for people who are hearing tall tales.


It sucks feeling like you're still being watched, though. I'm sorry you're going through that!


Congrats on starting therapy, too! I don't have any advice for that. Going through a book with her sounds like a great idea. You've got a good handle on things, it seems to me.

[cptsdwhoa]

Originally Posted by amandalouise

my first thought is your question asking .........us...... whether you should change your facebook settings or leave facebook....

you just got out of an abusive relationship where you can now make your own decisions and whats happening you are asking others to make your decision for you...

yea making your own life is hard after someone has been in control huh. you have finally taken a big step for your health safety and well being. its now time to take the next step and you be in control of what ..........you......... want to do.

let me show you something.... if I say change your settings and something happens are you going top hold me responsible? if I tell you to get off facebook are you going to hold me responsible for your leaving?

yea its easy to make others the bad guy, ask others what to do and then what ever happens you cant say you made the decision yourself, you could blame who ever on psych central that told you to do it.

sorry so sorry but Im not going to be this fall guy. you have made a great leap for yourself and Im not going to deminish that leap by telling you what to do now.

if you want to stay or leave facebook thats your decision.
if you want to reset your settings or leave them alone thats your decision.

if you are asking how my own facebook settings are and whether I leave facebook any time something happens.... my answer is I have a few facebook accounts..... personal (friends and family), work related,.... I set each of these settings for what I want them to be at given what the accounts are for. Yes sometimes I do take breaks but its no reflection on others that are on facebook. I determine when I need breaks based on how I am feeling that day.

my suggestion is now that you are free, dont hop back into the frying pan of letting others be in control of you physically or emotionally. take time to breath and decide what ..............you ..............want to do and need to do for ........You.

Thank you. You have no idea how often I need to hear this and have been told this over the last two months or so. I actually have a hard time trusting people who won't tell me what to do. I feel validated when I'm told (it's very odd for me when people tell me it's my decision and respect that I'm a person with a mind of my own). I'm learning to have a mind of my own, thank God, but I definitely still need significant recovery from constantly searching for a "rescuer."

I'm swayed by the opinions and thoughts of others A LOT and just...MY thoughts...is difficult. If you haven't noticed I even started copying the way you wrote your reply. I guess that's due to my childhood coping mechanism of being the "perfect" easy going child.

I tend to hold no one responsible but myself. It turns into self loathing, suicidal ideation, and feeling like I'ma moral failure. So, in short, no I wouldn't blame you. I would find some way to blame myself.
And what is it that I'm thinking while I read your reply..."Maybe you're right. But that still doesn't tell me what to do." "Did I say or do something wrong?" I'm a failure and I shouldn't have asked...and now I want to cry."

That is the dialogue in my head at rapid speed. It's like I'm totally disarmed. You're advice got me a little teary-eyed. I almost don't know what to do with that even though I hear it repeatedly now. What do I want to do? Good question.

I guess now I have something to think about? I don't know.

[cptsdwhoa]

Originally Posted by Stone92

Congratulations on getting free!


I would just make everything 'friends-only'. I know my abuser uses facebook, and I'm just careful about who can see what I post. I wouldn't worry too much about trying to correct people's lies. Just take the questions as they come. If you feel the need to warn people that so-and-so might be upset with you for moving out, that could help. Both your peace of mind, and to clear things up for people who are hearing tall tales.


It sucks feeling like you're still being watched, though. I'm sorry you're going through that!


Congrats on starting therapy, too! I don't have any advice for that. Going through a book with her sounds like a great idea. You've got a good handle on things, it seems to me.

Thank you!

Thank you for the advice. Yeah, I was considering making what I truly want to stay for friends only. I was thinking of making posts that are for friends and whatever I don't mind sharing to more people public. Whether she's looking or not, I can't really help that.

It's exhausting to have to constantly straighten out the lies, or be warned by people what she's said. I don't know.

I'm looking forward to therapy being a safe place to get out the feelings associated with my past trauma. I started reading the book that I want to work through with my therapist. It's intense. I wasn't expecting feelings to come up during the intro to the book! I'm looking forward to my recovery journey though.

[Thirty shades]

My thoughts are with you. It is hard to leave, the trauma will still be with you but you will grow strong again.

Make your own choices now you can, its liberating.

I chose to stay away from social media for a long time and gently have eased into it later. It still freaks me out to think he could view something I have written though.

[cptsdwhoa]

Originally Posted by Thirty shades

My thoughts are with you. It is hard to leave, the trauma will still be with you but you will grow strong again.

Make your own choices now you can, its liberating.

I chose to stay away from social media for a long time and gently have eased into it later. It still freaks me out to think he could view something I have written though.

Thank you.

Yeah, I think I thought the trauma would be gone when I moved out. At least I was hoping it would be I guess. But I'm learning that recovery takes time.

Thank you for encouraging that (all of you!). I'll have to keep working at making my own choices until it does feel okay to do so.

Exactly my thoughts about social media ! I've eased into it gently as well. I've waited about 10 years to even join Facebook.