Violent Flashbacks

She managed to pull me out before it got too violent. All it took was a sliding glass door to be slammed shut. That's it. Mid-sentence I just was sent back. I was about to fight back when my friend's voice came through and I realized it was her holding my hand, not my.... I'm sorry, this is probably really triggering for most here. That's not the intention. I just... I've had so many different flashbacks of different events since I started working through my trauma. I didn't realize just how much was there. I think there's still a lot I'm not aware of.

What if I wouldn't have heard my friend's voice? What if I had attacked her? I always tell myself I wouldn't hurt anybody, but what if I have no control over that? I don't want to hurt people and my ****'s getting more and more violent as time goes on. How do I get this stuff under control when I'm triggered so ****ing easily?

Eeek! I can see how that can be scary. I would definitely speak to a therapist who has experience with what you are dealing with.

For me, I rarely have violent urges but I do have other compulsions. What has been helpful for me is to create a plan of things I can do when I am having a flashback. I always try to have any flashback tools with me in case I have one. For example, for me, I find aromatherapy helpful so I always have essential oils with me. I also often use a mantra or self-affirming statement. It could be something like, "This is just a flashback." or "I am safe." It has also been important for me to recognize that I'm having a flashback as soon as possible. This way I can immediately take steps to process through it so that it doesn't escalate. Practicing mindfulness has helped with this. I used to fight against the flashbacks, but the first time I tried to allow the flashback to happen, and to observe what was happening to me mindfully, it was so helpful. It was actually a turning point in my healing journey. Now when I do sense that I'm being triggered, let's say by a conversation I'm having with my husband, I know that it is not constructive for me to try to talk things out with him while I'm having a flashback. I will tell him, "I am having a flashback. I need to go process this on my own." I dismiss myself, go to a room by myself and use my flashback management tools. This could include breathing exercises, yoga, aromatherapy, crying it out, or wrapping myself tightly in a blanket.

For you, since you are going into a fight state, it might be helpful for you to do something physical - go for a run, punch a pillow, etc. I'm not really sure because my flashbacks are different in nature. Another thing that popped into my head so I'll just go with it - some people try to use a different part of their brain when they are having a flashback by doing some kind of mentally stimulating exercise. So for example, you could count backwards from ten, look around the room and try to find 5 objects of a specific color or some variation of one of those. If you get a book about Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, they have a lot of little tricks like this.

I think tranquilizers and mood stabilizers might be of help.

(((( So leigheas ))))

I usually go on walks to calm down after one. During the flashback I'm usually unaware I'm having a flashback. Working out couldn't hurt me, right? I'll try that.

My antipsychotic is also a mood stabilizer (Abilify). I don't do tranquilizers, sounds scary

((((Fuzzybear))))

I think it takes time to recognize when your having a flashback. It takes a lot of mindful awareness and practice.

It is helpful to "check in" with yourself from time to time. Take an inventory how your physical, mental, and emotional state. What is your posture like? Where do you feel tension? Or do your muscles feel relaxed? How are your thoughts? What emotions do you feel and where in your body do you feel them?

The more you become aware of how you feel, the easier it will be to recognize when your either amping up to have a flashback or are in an actual flashback.

Just checking in with yourself can be a challenge. It is for me. Sometimes I'm afraid I won't like what I notice, but once I do it, I feel a sense of relief and satisfaction.

I think it's also important to develop some grounding techniques, like from DBT, so that if you notice something uncomfortable you can use your skills to calm yourself back down. DBT also utilizes containment strategies, which I do not have a lot of experience with. But they can be helpful as a temporary solution when you don't have the energy to face things in the moment.

Yes, work out. And also have a healthy lifestyle, go to walks, do whatever you enjoy. Helps a ton.