cptsdvictim's journal

Some good uploads today. Offsets my feeling under the weather moment today.

Seems I'm not the only one who had a bad day.

Also, they're probably planning to have a baby now. So, time to unsubscribe.

After spending 2 years in therapy, doing neurofeedback, yoga for trauma and so much more and getting tetraumatized I'm done with trust. I'm only interested in staying on my disability benefits. Which are due to expire in about 8 years. That's when I'll go to somatic experiencing to, hopefully, get, on paper, a diagnosis of C-PTSD. It's in ICD-11 so they've absolutely NO excuse for not writing it. But, alas, the country I live in is a bit more special than the other European countries. Though, I'll make it clear from even before attending therapy with the therapist: no official C-PTSD diagnosis, you're not getting a client.

Myeah. Nothing much to see on YouTube. Have to buy socks today.

Bought another super smoothie this morning to recharge. The whole deal was 4.40 bucks (0.15c deposit for recycling) - 4.25 for a bottle of super smoothie? A freaking fortune.

Was a day, huh? It was a day.



Getting mixed days lately. Filled with bad and good.

Today, after I called to check if the vegan restaurant has any tofu wraps and was told in the positive, I arrived to find out they had none. The speaker didn't even bother to check. As such, I bought a soup and left a review stating my dissatisfaction with the drop in staff quality since the pandemic. I really tried hard to remain on the positive all these years, but, it is what it is.

I recycled the super smoothie bottle and will have the 15c discount when I'll buy bananas this Friday. Then went back to work.

Debugged an issue for at least an hour and can't figure out why it doesn't work. I've a suspicion, though more tests need to be done with logging for debugging.

Finally, bought socks and head out for dinner. They had the same soup at the vegan restaurant so I just sat inside and read the CS papers from arXiv. Then went to the Mexican restaurant where I had a burrito. And as such, the next one (which will be this Sunday) will be free. Technically, it's my fourth installment of 10 burritos bought (so I ate 40 burritos from them since I use the loyalty card with them) and I should be receiving a free T-shirt as well.

Now, relax time.

TRF Book Club: The Body Keeps the Score Week 4 - YouTube

Due to unforeseen expenses, I didn't get to save money this month. 😔

Also, my new shoes are on their way. 🎉

Hello. Had a bad night. I think the spiciness of the burrito I ate last evening caught up with me as I woke up at 2am with abdominal pain. Took an antacid and the pain subsided. Got a few more hours of sleep. It's still lingering a bit, but it's much better.

This morning I worked for an hour on the elusive issue from yesterday. Couldn't find where the problem is. Everything works perfectly if it's for the first time, but then, repeated attempts fail. There's really no reason for why it should fail. Asked the community for help. Fingers crossed somebody else ran into this same issue and solved it.

This morning will start my day with a decaf black and cold oat milk along with a delicious plain and fresh croissant 🥐
Then, I've to test a fix I've implemented for another issue and then resume trying to fix this problem. Everything should work! Darn it! Why? Whhyy? There must be a solution.

Other than that, fingers crossed tonight or during the day I won't vomit from stomach pain. And now, relax time.

Ate breakfast and yep, the pain is definitely still there!

Today was ok. Managed to get some work done. The elusive issue is still elusive. Makes no sense and not even the community got back to me on it. So, I might have to remove this feature and leave it for later.

Relax time.

Also, this post is my 500th post.

Also, I was suggested a fix for the elusive issue by one of the community members. Fingers crossed it'll work.

Also, I think I'm alone until Wednesday next week. My roommate didn't come till now. I don't think he'll be here for the rest of the day, at least. Yay. I can work tomorrow morning in peace.

The comments section 😂

Warning: contains violence (videogame)

Tried the fix for the elusive bug. I couldn't wait until tomorrow morning. And it works!

However, I've another elusive bug and for that, the proposed fix failed. 😔

Also, my narcissistic bully roommate is back. 🙄

Bonjour. Just finished taking a shower. No abdominal pain last night and slept well. Of course, as usual, making an exception of the nightly occurrence of nightmares. No work this morning. Just relaxing.

Interesting.

Warning: contains violence (videogame)

"Have a nice day" 😂😅

Warning: contains violence (videogame)

Actually, nature of the sky is darkness (space is vast and tends to be dark [absence of light]). But I get his point. For us, at this moment in time, with a stable star at half its life, sky is there. We can appreciate it from our home planet, protected by its atmosphere.

At the shelter. Today was a decent day. Managed to get the elusive bug fixed. Though, there's another one that's proving very difficult to fix.

The vegan restaurant and myself have diverged in our values and politics. As such, I decided to edit my review and include this as well. The manager/co-owner didn't even understand my point. And probably, readers of this post coming from a capitalist society won't understand it either; though here, people may start getting it judging from how politics is shaping up in the USA. That's ok. It's more for me rather than to obtain a reaction. A response is fine, but a reaction? I don't really seek that so I'm disinterested. I said in my review that besides the quality of the staff dropping (like just saying items are available for the sake of saying it and not actually being interested in serving your customer by actually checking if the item requested is available), the business is (as in any capitalist society) profits before people which reflects the leadership: you may eat there and feel fed, but you're not happy. The manager/co-owner got back to me using my shortened first name (sic!), telling me that I'm a regular customer having come for years and that the other place I recommended is ran by volunteers and this is the reason they've low prices (they're not, they're similar to theirs). Talk about putting your perspective on how things are and how it's unfortunate to have diverged, and what reply you get back. I didn't take offense as she doesn't seem to understand (didn't have expectations), what I did take offense on is her saying that reviews like mine are intended to hurt businesses. So I edited out that one should come there for a soup and a coffee perhaps, to leave this out and just recommended the alternative. As such, I've added the vegan restaurant to my blacklist and removed another from my blacklist. At the moment, there isn't a vegan place that's valuing being successful and having that human connection (that is, you make a decent living to afford the basics and entertain the small pleasures of life [that's what it's all about at the end of the day]: food, shelter, clothes, dispensables, and whatever tickles your hygge - perhaps chocolate, and/or coffee etc. And, of course, enjoying all this in connection, authentically, with other human beings from one to many by knowing how to meet your 12 needs). Not in the West, where I live, at least.

Now I need to find a place that serves soup to replace the vegan restaurant. It's harder than expected. A vegan soup is hard to find. Especially with the filter of it being nearby the library where I work.

Have saved 3 potential places for finding a soup that may be vegan for me to check out tomorrow. I'll have to also find a place that does decaf oat latte and that has loyalty card. Will see what the prices are at the places I'll check out tomorrow for soup.

I was thinking about it. I know of only two businesses in the West that are like what I expected the vegan restaurant to be: successful and connected. These are: Tim Fletcher (in Canada) and NARM (in the USA). When the pandemic hit, NARM doubled down and didn't gaslit people. Same did Tim Fletcher. These are qualities of resilient people. Feeling embodied and tuning into one's calling on this planet even in times of insurmountable uncertainty and difficulty. I'm not like this, though I expect from others (who are not sufferers of C-PTSD) to be like this. Am I asking for too much? The country I live in is a bit more special, a reflection of its people. In the EU, it has its own border policies and is a tax heaven. I know they'd follow suit in UK's footsteps if they wouldn't have been tolerated by the other member states. A reflection of their past and how much still they've to heal. I digress.

Fingers crossed for tomorrow's soup and coffee. Now, relax time.