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Old Nov 04, 2010, 03:13 PM
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LittleForgetMeNot LittleForgetMeNot is offline
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All because of my little nine year old brother. My brother has MID and slight autism. He CANNOT stop eating (literally), my Dad treats him almost as if an incapable child, and though he complains about it, my Dad will buy him ANYTHING he wants. My brother is spoiled, my brother argues, resists, with everything, and sometimes I'm really tired of him being around.

I know I shouldn't feel this way, for my brother, and his problems, they aren't his fault. But.. it's so hard sometimes. I have to play mom, and half the time, Dad as well. My Dad likes to do things after work, or during the day and I have to babysit. Well that's okay. But.. my brother has this habit, of running away. Like just now.. he came off the bus and I heard it, and I unlocked the door expecting him to come upstairs in five minutes. He hasn't.

Now usually I would be worried, but I'm not really. This is NORMAL. My brother has taken off countless of times. Usually I would race down to go find him (once spending 6 hours looking by myself cause my Dad wasn't home) and at least 3 or 4 times the cops have found him and had to bring him home and I had to stand there and take them lecturing me like I was incapable or irresponsible. All the time when the cops have come have been when it was me alone at my house.

Now.. I guess this shows how horrible of a babysitter I am, you would think, but those police don't know that he left while I was in the shower and their logic would say to just not have a shower, but what if I had been waiting alll daayy and all night cause my Dad didn't feel like coming home (yes my Dad has been out for over 24 hours before without telling us) and I needed to take a shower? I cant leave my 9 year old brother alone in his house for 10 minutes? They act like it's such a crime while all the other 9 year olds are out playing in the park by themselves for 8 hours after school (i know that was what I was doing at 9)..

This time I don't want to put myself through the stress and the anxiety and the self-hatred, and I kind of think my Dad picked him up, but I have this feeling he didn't. But you see, my Dad was home ALL day. But then, around 10 minutes before Kyle's bus showed up, he all of a sudden decided that it was a great time to do laundry, and took off and now I'm left with my brother who hasn't come home and it's been an hour. Like why..? Honestly? Is it like a scheme to make me seem like the worst sister ever?

My brother has woken up early in the morning on a weekend (6am) and taken off. He's run out of the house while I was in the shower. But this one is his favourite, to just get off the bus and go. I HATE doing this job. I hate it, and I've come to resent my brother so much that it's not healthy and I don't like how I feel but I can't help it.

Like I don't even know what to do anymore.
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  #2  
Old Nov 04, 2010, 03:26 PM
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madisgram madisgram is offline
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it certainly sounds like you have your hands full. have you ever asked your father if he could give you some time for yourself? idk but this seems to be a lot of responsibility for you.
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  #3  
Old Nov 04, 2010, 03:35 PM
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LittleForgetMeNot LittleForgetMeNot is offline
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No, I haven't. I think more about him it seems and he always reminds me how faster things get done if he does them by himself instead of taking my brother with him. Which, in all honesty is true, but my Dad usually wont just do one thing, he'll do five hundred thousand and then not come home until late sometimes. But he's all about working as a team and if everyone does their part then it all works. But he doesn't really see what goes on when he's not home.
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  #4  
Old Nov 04, 2010, 07:45 PM
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Belle1979 Belle1979 is offline
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You are so young to have all this heaped on your shoulders
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  #5  
Old Nov 04, 2010, 09:50 PM
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LittleForgetMeNot LittleForgetMeNot is offline
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Yeah, it really sucks. Kyle finally came home at 5 and apparently he was only in the back park so that wasn't a big deal, but my Dad didn't come up till 9:30 and when I asked him where he was he told me not to worry about it. I really dislike this situation but it happens quite often. I've told him before that it's hard for me, and I like it better when he is at home, but he tells me he has things to do and he can't be held up.
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  #6  
Old Nov 04, 2010, 10:04 PM
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Belle1979 Belle1979 is offline
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I can see that your dad need's to have a life too and probably doesn't want to have to explain everything to you but still I do believe that you need to be enjoying your teenage years and not having to be 'mother' to your borther.
I am not trying to sound horrid to your dad or anything like that - as you said he said you guys work as team.
Your teenage years are precious and for me, were what defined me as a person. I want you to be able to have the same thing.
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  #7  
Old Nov 04, 2010, 10:55 PM
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LittleForgetMeNot LittleForgetMeNot is offline
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I don't mean to sound horrid about my Dad either even though sometimes it might come across that way. But, I'm not really encouraged to have friends. Not saying he steers me away from them, but he puts most emphasis on how people are usually not worth the time and effort. I'm not really encouraged to do much besides go to school and watch my brother either.

I understand how he wants to have his life and all that, but as I've said before there have been times when he was out for over 24 hours and he doesn't carry a cell phone. The cops have even come here, and again I had to talk to them by myself, because his work called me, found out he hadn't been home in forever, and filed a missing person report. He came back before they actually went looking for him, but still it was scary.

I also understand that I'm 15 and I should be pulling my weight around the house, as he works a lot, and is a single parent. That is what people tell me, they all tell me I should be cleaning and I should be this and I should be that, and neighbors have knocked on our door telling me that my brother is beating kids outside with sticks and swearing and throwing rocks, and then I have to go down there and wrestle with him into the building. While doing so have those same neighbors tell me that my brother never listens and he is this and he is that, and the kids also say it too, as if I didn't know. The last time I went to my friend's house (who is now mad at me) her mom would ask me if I cleaned like her daughter, or if I could cook, or if I could do laundry and when I had to say no, they all looked at me weird.. like if they were thinking in their minds that I was a useless person. Then there is the cops, and my Dad telling me that I should also be able to do all these things cause "everyone else does it". My Dad loves the "normal" excuse. I have to be normal, just like everyone else because what everyone else does sets the criteria for my life.

In everyone's heads I SHOULD be the "normal" A++ student on honor role who goes everyday, who comes home and can cook and can clean and juggle homework and watch her brother and do laundry, be my own therapist, be mature, and never argue, or have feelings, or friends cause screw the world, and be just super daughter-mom. I can barely work up enough energy to do one of these things, let alone them all. I hate the pressure and the expectations. Everyday I'm constantly reminded of the level everyone says I SHOULD be at and then the level I actually am on. It really does make me feel useless.
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  #8  
Old Nov 04, 2010, 11:53 PM
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anjelmarie anjelmarie is offline
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I don't feel that you should have to have all of this on your shoulders at 15, i just don't. Its one thing to babysit for an hour or so but you said your dad stays out all day sometimes. Your brother needs constant supervision it seems like and you should be able to do things that a teen does, like hang out with friends and be on the computer or whatever. You need time to study. How do you do that and watch your brother. Is it just you and your dad and your brother? I don't know why anyone would look at you funny for not being able to juggle so many things at once. If you werent taught to cook or do laundry then how would you know how to do it. Thats not your fault. You are doing plenty looking after your brother. You really need to talk to someone. Do you have any older relative you can talk to or a teacher. Of course you can vent here. I just am really sorry you are going through this. Please reach out to someone and let us know how you are doing.

Anjelmarie
Thanks for this!
Belle1979
  #9  
Old Nov 05, 2010, 01:56 AM
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LittleForgetMeNot LittleForgetMeNot is offline
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It is only just my Dad and my brother and I. We have a roommate but he is pretty much useless. As soon as, even if only for 15 minutes, my brother and our roommate is left alone 90% of the time, he will leave to go to the coffee shop or something just so he doesn't have to deal. I don't expect him to deal with him however, so I cannot blame him. All my older relatives know very well of what goes on, and thought they once before seen us as outcasts and what not, they now, apparently, have a very high opinion of us for what we do for my brother. I have spoken to a teacher about this last year, and I ended up crying about it, and he loosened the pressure on me, and was a little more forgiving when I couldn't hand in assignments on time. I'm in the middle of getting to a psychiatrist, and as far as school now goes, I just go to my school, pick up work, and come home and do it all. It's a plan that was worked out because of my poor attendance, and this works better for me as school makes me feel extremely anxious and paranoid.

On the bright side however, I'm in a big sister/little sister program, and the woman who I'm partnered up with is taking me to this fair, festival, event thingy on Saturday and then for lunch afterwards. I've opened up to her a lot about my life recently, and she knows about my depression and my issues, so she's someone I really trust. It'll be the first time that I would have been away from my Dad and my brother, for strict me, and friend enjoyment time since probably September.
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  #10  
Old Nov 05, 2010, 05:20 AM
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Belle1979 Belle1979 is offline
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I am so happy that you have your 'big sister'

I don't believe that at 15 you should be the "mother, sister, cook, cleaner or care giver" which is the situation you are in.
Sure its nicce to help out.. do the occassionaly load of washing.. tidy up the house etc but I have to say that most people your age are actually having fun.. and you are not. Sure I did chores at your age but i got something in return be it pocket money, a hug or just some recognition of what I had done. You deserve to be living a life of your on chosing, hanging out with friends and having a fun time. Believe me the teenage years (along with all the angst and hormonal changes) don't last forever and I look back at mine with glee! I was a terrible teenager.. and did all the things you are not meant to do but geeze thats what it is all about.
You are grown beyond your years.

Take care of yourself and please find some time for YOU.
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  #11  
Old Nov 05, 2010, 07:46 PM
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LittleForgetMeNot LittleForgetMeNot is offline
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It surprises me that I have made very little friends in my neighborhood, dispute living here for 7, almost 8 years. Actually at the moment I can say I have none. My last one seemed to just suddenly stop liking me for some reason. I hate it when that happens.

I try to do things when I feel like doing them. You know, I'll get my moods and get that sudden energy rush and wanna clean up the tables and the desks. Once I washed half the stove, without anyone telling me to, and that stove hadn't been washed completely in like 4 years. It was extremely hard to do but I just felt like it doing it. My just felt like it moods don't come around very often though.. maybe it's because when I do these things, instead of something nice, all I hear is "good, that is what you SHOULD be doing" again reminding me that I am not meeting people's expectations 90% of the time.

But this weekend is DEFINITELY going to be relax time. My aunt is taking my brother up to her house for the WHOLE weekend, plus where i'm going on saturday!
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Thanks for this!
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  #12  
Old Nov 07, 2010, 02:31 PM
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LittleForgetMeNot LittleForgetMeNot is offline
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Yesterday was absolutely amazing. I went to the Agricultural Winter Fair in Toronto with Deirdre, and it was really fun. I got to see horses, cows, goats, chickens, sheep, etc. I got a block of this really delicious fudge, I tried a buffalo burger which I thought was good! I also got a free bean seed that I'm gonna grow and a seed kit for a white spruce tree! An actual tree, I'm gonna grow from seed to Christmas tree !!

I also found out though that Deirdre is now no longer just my big sister because volunteer services are cut off for me as soon as CAS closed the case. But, she already works with about 30 other girls as part of her work and because she didn't want to just stop seeing me, she added me to her case load, with my permission and now she's my worker! So she can set me up with counselors and go to doctors appointments with me. She can talk to my school about getting some plan worked out. She knows a lot about how I feel, and how I used to be and witnessed my social withdrawal and all of that, so she is going to help me A LOT! Plus I get to see her every other week now instead of every other month.

My Dad doesn't really see why we need her to do that (I said it was good so we had proper direction in what to do for me) and he just said all I needed to do was actually go to school and we wouldn't need all of this. As usual he's not really getting it but I guess I can't do anything about that.

But even so after I came home we went out again, my Dad and I, and we bought things for dinner and breakfast, and warm winter sheets for my bed. I managed to clean half of my room yesterday too. Without my brother here, there has just been a sudden calm in my house. The level of energy, chaos and stress in the house has gone down a lot. I'm sure it's not just me who feels this way but I think my Dad feels it too cause he doesn't seem as stressed out.

I feel like we went back in time for a while, back to when I was 8 years old and it was just me and him living together and no one else. When we laughed a lot and nothing was stressful and nothing was ever wrong.
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  #13  
Old Nov 07, 2010, 06:37 PM
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Belle1979 Belle1979 is offline
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I am so happy for you littleforgetmenot !!!
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Thanks for this!
LittleForgetMeNot
  #14  
Old Nov 08, 2010, 09:09 AM
TheByzantine
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Good for you, LittleForgetMeNot. You have such keen insights. I wish you the best.
Thanks for this!
LittleForgetMeNot
  #15  
Old Nov 09, 2010, 12:08 AM
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anjelmarie anjelmarie is offline
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I am so glad to hear this. Keep us posted.
  #16  
Old Nov 09, 2010, 07:20 AM
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ECHOES ECHOES is offline
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Could you ask your dad to install locks inside that Kyle can't unlock? Locks with codes or too high for him to reach? This is a safety issue for Kyle as well as a stress reliever for you.

Your Dad sounds like he needs some help with handling Kyle. Giving him anything and everything is no more a good thing for Kyle than for any child.

I'm happy to hear that you have a Big Sister to spend time with!!
  #17  
Old Nov 09, 2010, 09:03 AM
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LittleForgetMeNot LittleForgetMeNot is offline
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He was going to but they're a fire hazard he says.

Today, my alarm clock decided to mess up and it didn't even go off! Kyle missed his bus and now I have to watch him all day. I'm sure my Dad won't be very happy when he gets home. This is the third time Kyle's missed the bus because of me; the second time because of my alarm clock.
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