[Omers]

Hmmm... not even sure that gratitude counts as an emotion but I'm really not sure where to stick this one... emotions typically are not my thing.

I know this must sound crazy but I am feeling really overwhelmed with gratitude for my massage therapist who also has a significant background as a therapist. I met with her yesterday and she has always said it is OK to talk about what ever comes up while she is working with me. She asked several times about what I was noticing while she was working on me. Well... I had been holding it back for a VERY long time but the dam finally broke... again... we are talking about gratitude here... It wasn't anger, sadness or a "negitive" emotion and nothing that I am greatful for is inapropriate in the context of our work together. Anyway... I have been to hell and back with this woman through all kinds of emotions... good times, bad times, angry times and out and out whack nuts times... and she has always listened as long as I needed her to listen even if it ment going over our time. She has always supported me and done what ever it took to support me in releasing those emotions. Yesterday though she shut me down. I don't get it. I've asked her several times if she is just as comfortable with the "positive" emotions as she is the "negitive" ones. She always said yes and always has... until yesterday.
Now I'm a wreck. Don't get it... any of it.

[shezbut]

Omers,

Gratitude is a perfectly acceptable and understandable emotion for you to express to yout massage therapist. WHY you expressing your gratitude, thankfulness, for her to always listen to your gripes is confusing to her, I don't know. Perhaps part of the story is missing here?

Did you mix any sexual emotions or desires into your gracious statements to her?

Did she mistakenly mix either of those in her response/s to you?

Or, were both of you trying to talk at the same time? Perhaps speaking "over" another as you each tried to make a point?

Those are the only ideas I have, Omers. Sorry Something to think about...perhaps you missed some messages that she was trying to make .

[lynn P.]

I've asked her several times if she is just as comfortable with the "positive" emotions as she is the "negitive" ones. She always said yes and always has... until yesterday.

((Omers)) - is this your massage therapist who you just happened to open up to, about emotional things? I'm aware that physical massage can bring many emotions to the forefront and most people aren't aware this can happen. They often feel unprepared when it happens. We own a spa and I've heard of people even crying. It's because touch releases deep emotions and we feel a close bond especially if you're a regular person.

I wanted to ask you about the above quote - were you wanting to talk about positive emotions about 'her' or just in general? I'm wondering if she's used to being a good listener but when you brought positive feelings - maybe she was caught of guard since this would require her to actually respond, rather than listen?

[Omers]

No sexual feelings either way, me towards her or her towards me. I have been on both sides of that one and red flags go up quick! But that I could at least understand her being uncomfortable with. Also, She works with all her clients with their clothes on.

The "respond rather than just listen" may be part of it... although I honestly would have been content if she just stood there and pretended to listen!

I also know that some times my gratitude seems "out of proportion" to people. But when you grew up in a world as painful and "void" as I did it is hard not to appreciate what people offer me even if it is just "normal" for them.

It happens to me a lot actually. I can process the worst of my emotions and abuse history with anyone and never had a problem... But god forbid I say anything more than just "thank you"... and I hate the "you show your appreciation by paying your bill" line!

I also don't understand why it upsets me so much. If they don't need to hear my gratitude than the "need" must be mine... but I don't get it.

Thanks for responding. This one hit me especially hard. It happened yesterday and I slept last night with the help of meds but was in bed crying all day. Again, just don't get either side of it.

[Omers]

Oh, and she has extensively studied many forms of body based therapy and even taught at the Gestalt institue that we used to have out here.

Maybe we will hve better luck on Tuesday.

[shezbut]

((((Omers)))))

Sorry this has upset you so much. I don't understand her reaction to your thankfulness either.

I hope that things go better for you on Tuesday ~ Gentle hugs to you.

[Omers]

Well, perhaps Tuesday will be better. Plan on letting her know that I felt really shut down, don't think she ment to. Dang it hit hard tho!!!

[lynn P.]

I think it's a good idea to ask her about it. It's possible, maybe was having a bad day and that's why she wasn't responsive. Hopefully her lack of response didn't have any thing to do with you maybe her mind was affected by something else. I hope you feel better.

[lynn P.]

Have you seen your massage therapist since you wrote this post? How did things go Omers?

[Omers]

See her Tuesday... Not soon enough!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thanks for checkin'

[shezbut]

I'm curious to know how it goes too ~ I guess that we'll just have to check back sometime tomarrow

[Omers]

I think it will go better. I have a much better idea of what happened. Right now if you ask me what hurts my reply is "everything". Being able to tell her specifically how she is helping also lets both of us know where I hurt. We will get there

[Omers]

Update:

no words yet about it. I take a while figuring out words... but at least the emoticon can give you the general nature until I can post specifics.

[lynn P.]

Looks like it went well. You know I think we are our own worst enemies sometimes. We...for me at least, I'll go over something in my mind...re-hashing what I think the other persons thinking and get myself flustered - only to find out I worried for nothing.

[Perna]

I'm glad you look like you are feeling this week went better than last. I didn't quite understand what you were looking for in "response" to gratitude? There's not much for the other person to say or do and, other than "thanks" not much we can really say or do that the other can understand?

I think it makes others a bit uneasy if we keep trying to "describe" how thankful we are, there really aren't words they can understand since it's about what we experience and we can't transfer that feeling to them no matter what words we use. We can "act" excited or happy but there isn't really any way to act "thankful". So, if your massage therapist had another client soon or was having an off day or thinking of something else, she may have come across as not caring when she was just distracted by her own stuff to much to see how important it was to you to keep trying to tell her.

[Omers]

Yes, today went much better. She was extra sure to check in frequently and make sure that I had all the opportunities to share what ever I needed to.

Anyway... Part of what we discovered is that 15 years of therapy has managed my symptoms but has not provided the healing I am looking for and KNOW is out there. I may be transitioning away from my current T as things are not working (I'm too "messy" to use her word) so I am looking for a new T.

In the past few sessions with my massage therapist I have started to find that kind of healing, the kind of healing my T's told me I could never find. When I tried to process it with my T my T had a fit because it is too far outside of her school of training (even though she sent me to the massage therapist and kept encouraging me to stick with it!). Others can see what she does for me even though they don't get it. It is just too far beyond current thoughts in western psychology.

So... The converstion has started about the possibility of working with my massage therapist and doing body based integrative therapy. She works a lot on mindfulness, being in my body and being present in the moment. As we talked we discovered that I was moving towards doing that with her last week but I wasn't clear on what was so important.

Most T's I have worked with have earned my trust intelectually. I honestly didn't like my massage therapist for a while into our work. She earned my trust from the inside out... my head was, by far, the last to catch on. And because of how she expresses herself and my challenges from the autism (I have face blindness) working with her stretches me more than working with people I "liked" right off. She would also be the first person that I have ever worked with that all my parts want to work with.

BTW... because I know someone will raise the concern (and it is a very valid concern)... She is VERY well trained as a T as well as massage therapist. When our state moved to requiring licensure for T's she chose not to be "grandfathered" in as a therapist because she was mostly teaching and doing massage. Frankly in so many ways she has already been the best T I have ever worked with and she hasn't even been trying. I would also be continuing with my pdoc.