[Distressed2010]

I'm only 27, but I feel so old. I'm close to being 30 and I'm starting a new career (acting), one that i've always wanted to pursue but because my parents constantly pressuring me, i kept avoiding it.

Now, I'm finally getting to do what I want to do, and all of a sudden I feel I have no energy left for it. I just feel overwhelmed all times, and feel like I won't make it and even if i do, I'll be too old and my career will end soon and it won't last as much as it would have if I were starting when I was 17. Most people start at that age or around there.

Other factors contributing to this: My parents are getting old, my dad is handicapped because of stroke and is glued to the bed, that really depresses me. I feel like I will lose them soon, but eventhough I can't get close to them emotionally becuase we are very different, (i was also emotionally abused by them and I noticed they surround themselves with fear all the time, and that fear and negativity gets into me at times and so I try to avoid them but i hate doing that as well).

I have 2 sisters whom I don't get along with, they've been quiet hurtful to me in the past. I feel my parents are the only people i have in this world and soon they might be gone as well, then I'll be all alone...

I just don't know whats wrong with me. Why is being 27 making me feel old?? Its not that old really.. and I have absolutely no energy to do anything at all, I just don't feel like doing it.

Anyone know how I can use cognitive therapy to deal with this? and what this is?

Oh AND, my mom always worries that I'm not married by now. Now, I also start feeling I don't have lots of choices for men out there.. that bothers me too. I'm scared I will pursue acting and won't make it and then I won't have a family of my own either, and I'll be 33 and all alone...

Thanks.

[Elana05]

Dear Distressed,
I am thinking about you and hope you feel a bit better soon.
I believe the emotional stress of growing up in a family with any kind of abuse can really take its toll by the time we reach this age. (It really started to affect me when I turned 30).
Keep true to yourself. I hope you will continue seeking out ways to study acting and immerse yourself in it in any way you can.
I hope there will be some way for you to find someone you can confide in. If you were here in the States, I would recommend seeing a therapist to talk with. Is there any type of professional there who could help in this way? You deserve to be able to talk to someone about this...
Additionally, you might want to see a doctor to rule out any physical illness or deficiencies. I myself had mononucleosis twice: awful feelings of lethargy. On the other hand, symptoms of depression include a loss of energy as well.
Please be gentle with yourself.
Sending many supportive thoughts your way...

Elana

[Distressed2010]

Originally Posted by Elana05

Dear Distressed,
I am thinking about you and hope you feel a bit better soon.
I believe the emotional stress of growing up in a family with any kind of abuse can really take its toll by the time we reach this age. (It really started to affect me when I turned 30).
Keep true to yourself. I hope you will continue seeking out ways to study acting and immerse yourself in it in any way you can.
I hope there will be some way for you to find someone you can confide in. If you were here in the States, I would recommend seeing a therapist to talk with. Is there any type of professional there who could help in this way? You deserve to be able to talk to someone about this...
Additionally, you might want to see a doctor to rule out any physical illness or deficiencies. I myself had mononucleosis twice: awful feelings of lethargy. On the other hand, symptoms of depression include a loss of energy as well.
Please be gentle with yourself.
Sending many supportive thoughts your way...

Elana

Thankyou Elana for always being there and responding

Yes, i've tried a couple therapists in India.. but we didn't click. One of them didn't even know what "black-white thinking was".
And I feel therapy is different here, they operate from the indian cultural viewpoint, so I wouldn't learn how to be true to myself. I feel they'd just diagnose me and then just hear me talk but not give nothing back. One of them gave me this funny look when I went in there thinking I had ADHD 6 years back when I was visiting, he was just amused by me asking. I thought that was odd.

i did have some wonderful therapy in US. but that was just for 3 months and I felt I was fine.

What I'm discovering is, that I might have repressed emotions in me. Not sure If i need a therapist for that?
This is because I have lots of thoughts from the past of whoever has made me angry and hurt.
Have you tried releasing old repressed emotions before? If so, could you share with me how you did that?

[Elana05]

Originally Posted by Distressed2010

Have you tried releasing old repressed emotions before? If so, could you share with me how you did that?

This is a really good question. I struggle with it myself...

Because my parents were (and still are) alcoholics, I recently joined a group called Al-Anon. It has been very helpful to know others who have struggled with this problem. However, one main point in the group's literature looks at how we are to "overcome the child/victim mentality."
Yet, it was only recently (four years ago) that I even allowed myself to see how difficult my childhood was. I spent so long helplessly repressing these emotions as well.
Once I began therapy, I realized how I had a lifetime's worth of anger directed at my situation while growing up. I still love my parents (in a way) but I now have a great deal of anger to deal with as well; why did they have to divorce? Why did my mom have to take me hundreds of miles away? Why didn't she ever seek help for her anxiety and depression? Why did my dad have to remarry an awful woman right there in my childhood home?

I can see the benefit of overcoming this anger. Getting on with life, so to speak. Letting go. I am at a loss with an answer myself.
The only thing I can think of is that we don't really have much control over it. We will begin to forgive when we have exhausted our anger, and when we understand it and when we are ready...

Do you think you might be helped by trying to do some of this introspection on your own? Journaling is a good way to work out some of these old feelings, especially with the aid of a book. Here is one (for example) I have found helpful:
http://search.barnesandnoble.com/Tru.../9781572241015
I sometimes like to sit and write while in a coffee shop or park.

Lastly, I have recently heard of U.S. and U.K. therapists who do treatment over skype. I've read that this technique has been growing in China, where finding a therapist is nearly impossible. I wonder if someone on this site might know how this works or where one might be able to access this service? Just a thought.

Be patient and gentle with yourself. You have gone through a lot but, as always, you deserve to feel more free. I think the only way to address the burdens of a difficult childhood are to take a long look inward to see how the way we react now is tied to the ways that we have always reacted within the close relationships of our family. Understanding ourselves is like untying a knotted ball of yarn. I think the end product may look a lot like forgiveness with love: for ourselves and for others. But it cannot be forced.

[Distressed2010]

Originally Posted by Elana05

This is a really good question. I struggle with it myself...

Because my parents were (and still are) alcoholics, I recently joined a group called Al-Anon. It has been very helpful to know others who have struggled with this problem. However, one main point in the group's literature looks at how we are to "overcome the child/victim mentality."
Yet, it was only recently (four years ago) that I even allowed myself to see how difficult my childhood was. I spent so long helplessly repressing these emotions as well.
Once I began therapy, I realized how I had a lifetime's worth of anger directed at my situation while growing up. I still love my parents (in a way) but I now have a great deal of anger to deal with as well; why did they have to divorce? Why did my mom have to take me hundreds of miles away? Why didn't she ever seek help for her anxiety and depression? Why did my dad have to remarry an awful woman right there in my childhood home?

I can see the benefit of overcoming this anger. Getting on with life, so to speak. Letting go. I am at a loss with an answer myself.
The only thing I can think of is that we don't really have much control over it. We will begin to forgive when we have exhausted our anger, and when we understand it and when we are ready...

Do you think you might be helped by trying to do some of this introspection on your own? Journaling is a good way to work out some of these old feelings, especially with the aid of a book. Here is one (for example) I have found helpful:
http://search.barnesandnoble.com/Tru.../9781572241015
I sometimes like to sit and write while in a coffee shop or park.

Lastly, I have recently heard of U.S. and U.K. therapists who do treatment over skype. I've read that this technique has been growing in China, where finding a therapist is nearly impossible. I wonder if someone on this site might know how this works or where one might be able to access this service? Just a thought.

Be patient and gentle with yourself. You have gone through a lot but, as always, you deserve to feel more free. I think the only way to address the burdens of a difficult childhood are to take a long look inward to see how the way we react now is tied to the ways that we have always reacted within the close relationships of our family. Understanding ourselves is like untying a knotted ball of yarn. I think the end product may look a lot like forgiveness with love: for ourselves and for others. But it cannot be forced.

Thankyou so much for such a detailed response Elana. I'll try to find that book in India. If I'm not able to find it, could you give me some examples of how to write in the journal?

I ask this because for 5 years or so I used to write in the journal but at that time I was clueless why I was so sad all the time.. what I'm trying to say is that journaling hadn't helped me back then.. maybe I was writing it the wrong way? Am I supposed to ask myself certain questions when I'm writing?

And secondly, (i wanted to make a post of this but forgot!), I do pay attention to my actions and reactions and how they're tied to the past, BUT then I end up getting angry again because I think to myself, IF ONLY! i hadn't gone through so much, I wouldn't have to constantly struggle with confidence and fear, and all the other things that have come into me from the emotional and sexual abuse and growing up with overcontrolling/overauthoritative/silent treatment giving/etc etc parents.. not that I don't love them. i love them to death but I just get angry at why I had to suffer so much in my early life and why I still continue to struggle now because of the effects it has had on me.

[with or without you]

Hi Distressed,

I am 29 and I feel a little like you do sometimes. Because of my problems with anxiety and depression, I never quite feel like my age. Sometimes I feel like I could be 50, other times I feel like a vulnerable teenager. When I feel like this, I try to remind myself that I have it pretty good where I'm at in life. I'm old enough to be totally independent and have a good time; but I'm still young enough where I'm in near perfect health.

I googled skype psychotherapy and found this article - http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/...unseling-skype

btw, I do phone sessions with my therapist, but I saw her in person for over 5 years before I had to move away. I still find the phone to be just as effective. Good luck to you.

[Elana05]

Originally Posted by Distressed2010

Thankyou so much for such a detailed response Elana. I'll try to find that book in India. If I'm not able to find it, could you give me some examples of how to write in the journal?

I ask this because for 5 years or so I used to write in the journal but at that time I was clueless why I was so sad all the time.. what I'm trying to say is that journaling hadn't helped me back then.. maybe I was writing it the wrong way? Am I supposed to ask myself certain questions when I'm writing?

And secondly, (i wanted to make a post of this but forgot!), I do pay attention to my actions and reactions and how they're tied to the past, BUT then I end up getting angry again because I think to myself, IF ONLY! i hadn't gone through so much, I wouldn't have to constantly struggle with confidence and fear, and all the other things that have come into me from the emotional and sexual abuse and growing up with overcontrolling/overauthoritative/silent treatment giving/etc etc parents.. not that I don't love them. i love them to death but I just get angry at why I had to suffer so much in my early life and why I still continue to struggle now because of the effects it has had on me.

Hi D2010,

Thinking of you.
Hope you are feeling a bit better today.
I also have spent a lot of time writing in a journal, and noticing the pages start to look the same: "Why is life so difficult? Why am I so tired all of the time? Why do I always feel so stuck, unable to move?" I look at my past journals and I have written such statements over and over. This is where a bit of another's insight can be helpful. I have looked to a therapist to help me answer these questions... though I still don't believe I am coming to answers fast enough.
Although you are unable to find a therapeutic environment to help you answer questions, you can still work to answer them on your own. That is why I thought you might find insight in a book or two that you feel applies to your situation. For example, in Trust After Trauma the author asks questions at the end of each chapter.
Questions such as... in the chapter on mind-sets:
In what areas of your life do you hold perfectionist standards? Were these standards a necessity during your trauma?
The author puts questions such as these throughout the book, at the end of each chapter and suggests that the reader write his or her own answers in a journal. It might be a helpful guide into new areas of thought you might not have otherwise considered?

E