[FeelingHopeful]

A Close Friend Of Mine Lost Someone a Few Mths Ago, She was A Ex Girlfriend of his, they had been broken up for a while around 8 mths or so when she died suddenly, wasnt a great breakup, And I know i didnt know her but I still think about it and feel terrible, The other Day i lit a Candle for her and if brought up, I tear up, i know it sounds odd since i didnt know her. Its a very long story but its a close guy friend of mine, and we sorta have a history, me and him as sorta being more than friends , never dated but got really close and had feelings. Hes a close friend for many many years , We got close and then he sorta pushed me away, (not his fault though!) and got involved with her, which emotionally was terrible for me, but alot was going on with him, it wasnt intentional , anyway they broke up , he broke up with her, and then 8 mths later she died , from what i dont know, i just know she was depressed, Poor girl! I know he feels bad and it shook him up, question is is normal for me to feel so upset by this, alot of friends would think yes its ok to feel bad but not to this extent since in a sense he left you for her(though thats not exactly what happened, they just dont know everything) I cant explain to anyone why i feel this bad, part of it is she was so young and had her whole life ahead of her , Does anyone have any advice, why i feel this way?

[FeelingHopeful]

Also thinking and thiw will sound really weird maybe i should have befriended her and tried to help her?

[Ardmore]

Their is nothing wrong with befriending someone who is in mourning, nothings wrong or unusual about it.

[madisgram]

i think it's perfectly normal for you to feel sad...for the girl who died at a very young age and the sadness for your friend. why not contact him and ask to meet for lunch to catch up. guess the other advice i'd give is try to move on and not dwell too much on this. it is always difficult when something happens like this...lost my best gf the same way so i know. but celebrate your life and strive to make it meaningful. life can be so fragile at times.

[Sunna]

Your feelings are your feelings, they just are. The best thing to do with them is to let them flow naturally. Asking whether someone else thinks it is wrong for you to feel this way, that, in my opinion, is wrong. There is no "you should feel this not that". That is like telling rain it should not be.

A more productive question may be why do you feel this way? And that question, it seems to me, you got. You mourn her young life. In a way she is you, having in a way "replaced you", so maybe you also mourn yourself, your loss, and maybe your own mortality.

The intensity of your expression may have something to do with some unexpressed grief, unmourned loss you carry. A person may find themselves weeping over a kitty (unknown, not their own pet) struck by a car, sad little lifeless body crumpled by the curb. May have walked by such a scene many times without so much as brief "oh!", but now is overwhelmed by an ocean of grief. Who knows why.

I believe it is also very natural to experience "I could have befriended her" thoughts, that is part of grief. Here is a girl you didn't get to know, and now you never will. What a loss! On that note, here is a piece of poem for you:

Each man's death diminishes me,
For I am involved in mankind.
Therefore, send not to know
For whom the bell tolls,
It tolls for thee.

John Donne

Peace

[Yoda]

It is always sad when someone so young dies. You were not intimate friends but still I think it is natural for you to grieve for the loss of a life.

[FeelingHopeful]

Thanks Everyone! Means alot to me, i think another reason is because i thought she was the luckiest girl in the world while she was dating him, I wanted to be her, Now i know she had alot of depression problems and sadness. I have been there before so i can sympathize and even though at the time she had a wonderful guy, she was sad, i wanted to be her cause she had him and he would tell me , dont wish you were someone else ever, you are great how you are!

You don't have things you 'should have done'.You are not responsible in any fashion for this tragic event.I feel it has to be normal to feel this grief.Things like this ripple a pain outward.It is normal to feel as you do for him as well.You have a big heart.That is what it's there for.Try to reach out,and allow yourself to be comforted.I am sorry this has hurt you.~W~