Constantly on the verge of breaking down...

My life is so stressful right now and I feel like I am at my limit.

the main source of my stress is my job, which is very high pressure with a boss that for lack of a better word is mean and unstable.

I work in the corporate world, in human resources, where you'd think people would kind of be nice.

My boss has screamed at me, in front of others multiple times.
She treats me very differently than anyone else on my team in the exact same position - constantly tells me no, that's wrong, don't do that, and eventually, that if she'd done it, it would be better.

i've had multiple panic attacks at work - the first time she yelled at me it was on the phone and i pretty much hung up on her - the last time I just walked back to my desk. i generally excuse myself to the ladies room or go outside for a few minutes till I calm down.

I am very good at my job - she has told me how great everyone thinks I'm doing - but then 20 minutes later it goes back to the negativity.

the worst part is that i'm not even an employee of this company - i'm an hourly consultant - if i don't work, I don't get paid, so no sick days, no paid holidays, but also no overtime.

The company that pays me knows about these issues and is trying to help me find a new position. I look every day for a new job.

My problem is that a) I can't sleep because i am so stressed out - I sleep about 4 hours a night even with my meds so my being overtired affects my emotional state
and b) I'm on the verge of tears from the time I start getting ready in the morning, throughout my entire day. Just sending a note to my company to let them know I got yelled at again sent me into panic.
c) this is affecting the rest of my life - my hsband and I are already on shaky ground - this isn't helping

If i quit I can't get unemployment, and i can't afford to be without that income. This has been going on since mid December now and i feel like I can't take much more.

Hi ~ You're going to have to tell your company that they've GOT to hurry up and find you another job cause this is just plain UNACCEPTABLE.

Your health is being affected, and you just can't keep up like this. NO job is worth this. I don't care if I had to wash dishes for a living, I'd get out of there. I'd take ANY job I could find until something opened up in my field. Maybe taking a more menial job would be easier on your nerves besides!! I know you need the money, but at what price?

Get out of there as quickly as possible. They aren't doing your health any good. God bless and take care. Hugs, Lee

I agree with Leed. Your current situation is unhealthy and nobody should be treated that way.

Hello, jadedmoonbeam. I hope this gets properly sorted soon.

Thank you all so much--
I went to see my T today and she told me i should quit - she never actually tells me what to do so this is a pretty big deal - she's known me for probably 9 years and said she's never seen me like this about anything ever.

I need to speak with my husband about finances when he gets home later but I usually find a job within a few weeks - I have enough $$ that i'd be ok for a few months if i didn't get unemployment but i'm going to talk to the agency about making it so i'm laid off and that i'd get it.

i've never quit a job before without having something else, and i've never had zero income coming in pretty much since high school and i'm 41 now - i've only been married a short time, and so I've still got a very single mentality of taking care of myself and not relying on anyone else for anything.

I'm waiting for my agency to call me back.
I'll let you all know. Sometimes i just need to hear from others that it's ok....

I still haven't heard back from my agency
She emailed me and told me she'd call me over the weekend.
i just can't wait to have this conversation already.

In the meantime, my husband is being such a jerk. On top of telling me he can't support me financially, which I knew already and am prepared for...he's just not being understanding at all...not even a hug when I'm crying....no words of encouragement. It had been bad between us but I thought it had been getting a bit better till i told him about the job thing and now I can barely stand to be around him and am thinking if i could just stick the job out a little longer, i'd have enough money to leave him if i cash out one of my savings plans....that's how bad it is. i'm just so overwhelmed with sadness and anxiety right now....I feel like I have nothing.

you have your self. that sounds like it's plenty already. you have a lot of skills and experience! so sorry you're going through this rough patch-- when I find myself hiding in the ladies' room at work, I know something is up....

Well...I finally have a resolution to this. My agency...has agreed to lay me off and allow me to collect unemployment. i didn't think they would but when i started bawling and finally said, "listen, I'm bipolar and i am starting to really lose it..." she stopped me and said " don't say another word...I understand and i will take care of this". i don't generally disclose my illness to people i work with, but i really needed for her to understand the magnitude. I am so relieved.
So now I do have to go back on Wednesday to finish out my "2 weeks notice" but i'm hoping this will go without incident or too much passive agressiveness from my soon to be ex-boss. she does not know about my bipolar (she is on a statewide board for mental health so you'd think she'd be understanding but she doesn't need to know)
So i took today and tomorrow off to avoid the most stressful meeting and I even made it out of the house today which was very difficult....
I really appreciate everyone here - the feedback and support - it's so nice.

Dear one.......

Your boss is afraid of you and feels threatened by your ability......

At the base of all anger is fear........

It is not healthy to be in that environment especially if it is effecting you emotionally and psychologically.......if you can be moved, that would be good..

But know that it is not about you, it is about her. Forgive her, for she does not understand her own shortcomings......

Breathe, live and make sure that in this time especially, you find moments of joy, even if you don't feel like it......do not take this womans negativity and meanness in to your spirit.

Take good care of your precious self, and KNOW that we always get what we need.......peace of mind is coming

Michah

Thank you Micah.

you aren't the first to say those things about my boss being threatened by me.

i'm going back tomorrow and i will do my best and keep breathing.

I know we've never chatted ,but i find that I am concerned now about the situation with your husband.Would it be ok to update us on that?I am so sorry for the lack of tenderness coming from that angle.Please be good to you....Wolf

If this is a case of racism, then you can make a lot of money

Nope - no racism, no sexism, just her picking on me, like being the bully in school.

Sitting on my couch right now procrastinating about going in....