I feel like the world's biggest failure!

Just left my docs office, round 2 of short term disability ends next week...he will not release me to go to work. I know that I'm not ready and I know that he is right - I always tend to take on more than I can handle. I just want to be successful at one thing right now...I should feel relieved to not have the added pressure but I feel like I am letting everyone down. I can't work, I can't help my son, I can't beat this stupid depression. I am living up to my parents predictions - worthless

You have to remember that God doesn't make JUNK. You are NOT worthless! And what kind of parents tell their child that they ARE?? No way would I EVER say that to my children!!!

It's up to you to prove them wrong and I KNOW that you can do it. In fact you already have. You stayed strong - you went to the doctor when you knew that you needed to, and got the care that you needed! You are caring for yourself. That's a first step - you have to love yourself so that others can. Just for now, take care of YOU. Pamper yourself so that you can heal. You are NOT letting anyone down. Just don't let your SELF down -- get some rest, and try not to worry so much. Remember - God doesn't make junk. Hugs, Lee

I wholeheartedly agree with Lee - you are taking care of yourself which is the most important thing. By doing that you are proving that you ARE worthy and you ARE taking care of your son. Don't let anybody take that away from you.

Better to stay home from work and take care of yourself than to go back too soon and not be successful there - I had that happen to me a few years ago - you are totally doing the right thing for yourself and your son.

You are worthwhile and you are worth it. you can do this.

CSC......

Failure is a familiar word.....

I was once called stupid, worthless and highly strung......as a child.

That legacy is a hard one to replace with a new legacy......it takes time.

Productivity, the outcome of "work" can come in many different forms, I have learnt.

My T asked me one day "What is your definition of success?"

and I said "Perfection in productivity. I do therefore I am."

and he said "If you cannot "do" then what are you?"

and I said "Nothing. I am nothing".

I have been on disability for 3 years now and still wake up everyday thinking about my job that I had to leave for various reasons. But now, instead of grief at the loss of my job, I reflect on how good I was at it. I view productivity in a totally different way now. I had to or I would spiral in to a vortex of self destruction and loss of identity. I could not "do" anymore. A chronic pain issue and autistic traits ramped up with much force and left me but a mere shell of my former self.......

I understand my issues and I am getting the help for it, as are you. But as we cannot grow backwards and change what has happened, we must replace failure with success......redefine success and you will redefine failure. I guarantee that you will find many things that you have been successful in. Success is in the eye of the beholder. It matters little what your parents define as your success. Success is SUBJECTIVE and should not be compared to another persons view.

I do not wish to take away the impact parents have on our lives.......but it is their life, and it is our life. By its very individuality, it is different. Their values are different from yours, as their definition of success should be different from yours. My parents were VERY critical of me even if I was a brainiac. Nothing was good ENOUGH. And sometimes they still make me feel that way. The difference is that I know that it is THEIR issue, not mine. They are projecting their failures on to me.

Take very good care of your precious self. Successes, no matter how small, are still successes......

All is as it should be and everything in its place.....

Michah