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#1
May 12, 2011, 12:47 PM
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Should i be mad, upset, angry, frustrated? i have no idea what to think.....my auntie who i trust with things and she trusts me to with things....shes getting really angry and frustrated that im always getting ill and when i go to get help all i get is wait...wait...wait...wait....so its what i do....i just wait and wait.......i tell her what has been said and she worries about me but i dont want her to be worried about me...shes only just got over breast cancer and the last thing she needs is me being this way and feeling this way. She doesnt want to lose me but i just feel like she already has done....im not the same person she knew....i know when i was told she had cancer that i wanted to give up because loosing her would have really been my last way of coping.....i feel like i cant tell her things anymore because of the fact it will upset her (she knows i trust her a lot and love her and my uncle a lot) but it still doesnt mean that when i say i wish i was dead or i shouldnt be here that it doesnt affect her because i know it does....she hates me feeling this way and sooooo wants to help but her and my uncle are not fully well....so she cant. should i be mad or angry or frustrated or angry with having to wait? i know i will be seen when i can be fitted in but i dont know how much i can take of all this....at the minute im ill and not really able to think strainght....guess i better go and sleep....i will post back later or another day when im functioning properly. Thank you for reading this and letting me just vent...i dont really like to vent but i just dont know how i should feel anymore or what people want from me.
   
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 Don't get caught up in what could be, instead appreciate what is. Appreciate what you have & who you have, because the future can take it away from you. iamspecial is thinking....when all else fails....sit back...look at it....then re-think and start again |
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#2
May 12, 2011, 01:47 PM
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Ohhhhhhhhhh special.........your post makes my heart ache. I've known and loved you for a good while now, but I did not know what pain lay beneath the surface. I am so much better at reading posts than with supplying advice. I can always give support but rarely have the answers. I know you've been struggling; I just didn't know why. You needn't thank me or anyone for the opportunity to vent. That comes with the territory; that's what we do. I hope you'll be given comforting words of advice........I'm good at giving out hugs. I
you, my special friend......I'll listen anytime. grey
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 iamspecial
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#3
May 12, 2011, 02:09 PM
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Special - I am sorry you are struggling so much right now and going through so much.
Don't know that I have any real advice to offer. Please don't shut out your aunt or us. We are here and we do care about you. Lean on us all you need. And vent away. I'm always a PM away.
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| iamspecial
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#4
May 12, 2011, 02:29 PM
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grey: i'm sorry i really didnt want to make your heart ache. i dont tend to show my hurt too well and when i did...i feel really bad for it...i
you too grey! Honest grey its ok hugs are always really helpful...it means im not alone like i normally am...support is always good. Thank you grey...your post helps....i love my hugs when im feeling this way. I you too, and thank you for listening to me PH: Thank you!! i dont know if that will be possible PH...i dont want to upset her ot hurt her and right now she has soooo much on her plate i really dont want to add to it....im soo ready to breakdown but i cant....she trusts me with a lot and im not alloud to say anything to anyone but what i have been told is soo upsetting that it kills knowing how she is feeling right now and me adding to it by saying that i want to die and giving up on her...just adds to what shes going through. she really doesnt need me while im soo depressed and down. Thank you PH im just not used to having someone to lean on till i found PC, i would be truely lost without some people on here Love you both
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Don't get caught up in what could be, instead appreciate what is. Appreciate what you have & who you have, because the future can take it away from you. iamspecial is thinking....when all else fails....sit back...look at it....then re-think and start again |
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#5
May 12, 2011, 02:52 PM
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You don't have to tell your aunt that you feel like dying. I was just saying don't completely shut her out. And maybe let her know that you do care but right now you are a little overwhelmed with all that is going on. You want to be there for her, but right now you just need some space to get healthy yourself. If that makes any sense.
Keep posting. PM me if you need to.
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| iamspecial
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#6
May 12, 2011, 03:09 PM
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i wont shut her out...she is the one person i can never shut out..when i lost my grandma she was the only one to reach me when i was totally lost without her and my auntie could see i was lost after loosing her....she gives me time if i need it and she always makes me know when im ready she is there for me.....i try not telling her that but when im really depressed and she wants to know whats wrong with me...i just end up telling her and then i feel even worse b/c its not what she needs to hear. Thank you PH, i know what you are saying and thank you i know i can PM you if i need to talk...posting these days is all i seem to want to do..is that bad?
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Don't get caught up in what could be, instead appreciate what is. Appreciate what you have & who you have, because the future can take it away from you. iamspecial is thinking....when all else fails....sit back...look at it....then re-think and start again |
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#7
May 12, 2011, 09:50 PM
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Quote:
Just take care of yourself.
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| iamspecial
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#8
May 13, 2011, 01:36 PM
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Thank you PH
__________________
Don't get caught up in what could be, instead appreciate what is. Appreciate what you have & who you have, because the future can take it away from you. iamspecial is thinking....when all else fails....sit back...look at it....then re-think and start again |
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