[WolfsGirl]

I feel like i'm drowning right now. There's too much stuff happening, too much negativity, too much money flowing out, not enough money flowing in.... I just want to crawl in bed and pull the covers over my head.

My bf and I have been together 9 months, never had an argument, always see things "eye to eye", have the same goals, and are happiest when we're together. Only seems fitting that we should decide to move in together, yes? Well, that decision prompted my apartment roommate to turn nasty, and disappear when I was at bf's house, leaving me with ALL the expenses for our last month in the apartment. In addition, she owes me over $9000 for expenses she hadn't paid previously, plus 2 airplane tickets to go to Lebanon to see her bf, plus a personal loan I made to her a year ago. Yes, yes, i know... don't lend money to a friend. Lesson learned.

We found a great house for our needs. Big enough for us, bf's daughter and a friend of ours who wanted to rent one of the bedrooms. We actually had started moving things in, after putting down nearly $2000 in deposits when we found out we can't live there. The city recently passed an ordinance prohibiting work from home businesses, and ours is. We can't afford rent on a house and an office right now. So we can't move in. And we can't get any of our deposit money back. AND we have to pay rent until they re-rent the house.

So, we're staying with bf's mom right now. She is a lovely and gracious woman for allowing us to invade her the way we have. But it's becoming claustrophobic. There's Mom, bf, bf's dd, me, our 2 cats and Mom's dog in a small 2 bedroom duplex.

The icing on the cake is bf's dd. I call her my stepdd b/c she calls me mom. On the surface the relationship looks great!! But I don't trust her, I don't believe most of what she says, she's passive aggressive towards me, she tries to play bf and I against each other.... and she smokes mj, and has mental illness issues which I believe have been misdiagnosed. She's 18, but with the mentality of a 13 year old. She doesn't do a thing unless she's directly instructed to do so. She is constantly in our back pocket. We can't go anywhere or do anything without her. And she intrudes constantly into our private space and time.

I love bf. No doubts. But I don't know how long I can deal with his dd. Let me add that he doesn't trust her or believe her either. I'm not alone in this, but it makes for a crazy stressful situation.

With ALL the stuff going on..... idk. I just don't know what to do, where to turn, how to cope.

[Perna]

Can dd go live with her mother or another relative for awhile (and then stay with his mother when you all move out)? Sounds like with the crowded housing getting rid of some of the roommates for a bit would help everyone!

I would move into the house you have to pay for until they re-rent it and see if you maybe can figure out how to do work from elsewhere (his mother's duplex?). Maybe you can exchange services for rent with a friend or other relative or other busines not in that city with the laws?

[madisgram]

and how bout small claims court to retrieve some of what old roomie owes you?

[missbelle]

Sounds like a mess.....I was the one with the daughter that caused problems. She is bi-polar and put a huge strain on my last relationship... It ended 6 years ago and she was not responsible but she made it so tough.....Daughter is old enough to have her own place, but its not up to you to get her to move......Believe me these things are what takes its toll on any relatiionship.You probably need to have a serious talk with boyfriend and set up some specific boundries re: daughter but both of you(the boyfriend) will have to agree or it won't work!!

Can you still move in the house and is it the kind of home business that you would have to tell the landlord etc...? Can you run it without the neighborhood knowing for awhile?

RE: Roomate...small claims court is the way to go....but there are fees and then even if you win, you still may not get your money! Such a bummer! There are ways to find her so that should not be a problem.

Sorry for all your drama. I hate drama and try to avoid it whenever possible. Sometimes though its inevitable!

[lavieenrose]

I'm sorry that you're having so much aggravation in your life. You don't deserve to be going through all of that. I hope that you find workable solutions to these problems soon.

[WolfsGirl]

Originally Posted by Perna

Can dd go live with her mother or another relative for awhile (and then stay with his mother when you all move out)? Sounds like with the crowded housing getting rid of some of the roommates for a bit would help everyone!

I would move into the house you have to pay for until they re-rent it and see if you maybe can figure out how to do work from elsewhere (his mother's duplex?). Maybe you can exchange services for rent with a friend or other relative or other busines not in that city with the laws?

DD's mother won't take her back. She's caused too much trouble and been in too much trouble, there. And Grandma won't let her stay here without us, same reason.... In the past, she has stolen her mother's debit card and cleaned out the account to pay for her next high, stolen her mother's car to go see her bf, stolen and sold things from her mother to get her next high.... see the pattern? We keep our wallets and car keys locked in a firesafe at night....

I can't spend the energy to move into the house if we can't stay there... and we've checked the other options. None are workable, for various reasons.

Originally Posted by madisgram

and how bout small claims court to retrieve some of what old roomie owes you?

I may end up doing that. Right now, I'm just so stunned that she has done this that I'm still doing a reality check. Know what I mean?

Originally Posted by missbelle

Sounds like a mess.....I was the one with the daughter that caused problems. She is bi-polar and put a huge strain on my last relationship... It ended 6 years ago and she was not responsible but she made it so tough.....Daughter is old enough to have her own place, but its not up to you to get her to move......Believe me these things are what takes its toll on any relatiionship.You probably need to have a serious talk with boyfriend and set up some specific boundries re: daughter but both of you(the boyfriend) will have to agree or it won't work!!

Can you still move in the house and is it the kind of home business that you would have to tell the landlord etc...? Can you run it without the neighborhood knowing for awhile?

RE: Roomate...small claims court is the way to go....but there are fees and then even if you win, you still may not get your money! Such a bummer! There are ways to find her so that should not be a problem.

Sorry for all your drama. I hate drama and try to avoid it whenever possible. Sometimes though its inevitable!

DD has been diagnosed as BP but I don't think it's correct. I think she's Borderline and Antisocial. She does not have the life skills to live independently, yet. And she doesn't have the financial means. We are working on boundaries with her, but she is a master of manipulation, and she works a guilt trip on Dad whenever he gives me much attention. She has essentially made any intimacy impossible.... (big sigh)

And I hate drama too. I used to say I was a "drama-free zone".... what happened to that girl???

Originally Posted by lavieenrose

I'm sorry that you're having so much aggravation in your life. You don't deserve to be going through all of that. I hope that you find workable solutions to these problems soon.

Ty.