Posted in THIS forum due to possibility that the heaviness from some would require this forum.Admin may move it.

This is my profile bio...gave me the idea that others could banter back n forth
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

About wolfsong
Biography
I am
A simple enigma.
A loving warrior.
An opaque clarity.
Fearless and afraid.
Open and closed.
A corrupted innocent.
A prosaic poet.
Variably unchanging.
Obviously inconspicuous.
A fluctuating constant.
The familiar stranger.
Suspiciously trusting.
Favorite number 0...no beginning,no end.
Favorite color black...the night sky.
Favorite public figure,Martin Luther King.
Deepest wish......departure.
Grandest fail...injury to others.
Best thing in life....my sons.
Proudest moments....every time I felt love....for family,friends,strangers.
Biggest shame.....my fragility affecting others.
~O~
Songs that resonate with me...
Guns n roses-Don't you cry tonight
" -November rain
Metallica-Nothing else matters
Coolio-Gangsters paradise
Eminem-beautiful
Blink 182-Always & Feelin this
Sarah McLaughlin-Building a mystery
Todd Agnew-My Jesus
The Cranberries-Dreams
Staind-It's been a while
Creed-My sacrifice
Nickelback-Far away
Joss Stone-Son of a preacher man
Dido-Thank you
Alanis Morisette-Hand in my pocket
& Perfect
LeeAnn Rimes-But I do love you
Location
California
Interests
painting,writing,sketching,numerology,self-improvement,hiking,reading,philosophy,human nature
My Mental Health Concerns
Support & Information for
Myself
Primary Concern
Survivor of childhood sexual abuse
Secondary Issue
Survivor of childhood physical abuse
Additional Issue - 3
Dissociative Identity Disorder (MPD)
Additional Issue - 4
Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
Additional Issue - 5
Depersonalization Disorder
Signature
Love thou the rose,yet leave it on its stem Robert Bulwar-Lytton 1803-1873(((()))))

[Ygrec23]

Pretty complicated, wolfsong. All those different aspects. Like light shining off a fancy-cut diamond. That is NOT a put-down. We're all different (thank God). That's what makes life interesting.

I think I'm simpler. At least my life is simpler. My life is sleeping, eating, drinking, listening to music, going to the supermarket, paying the bills, going to therapy, gassing up the car, sending my brothers' birthday cards once a year, taking out the garbage, feeding the cats, doing the washing, trying to stay in my wife's good graces (now that's a trick), fixing things when they break (as of course they always do), and really that's about it. Plus of course PC. A simple soul is what I am. My picture is below.

I have to ask...Ygrec...what does this mean?

That is NOT a put-down. We're all different (thank God). That's what makes life interesting.

Feeling a bit like I should ask admin to remove this post ?

[Ygrec23]

Originally Posted by wolfsong

I have to ask...Ygrec...what does this mean? That is NOT a put-down. We're all different (thank God). That's what makes life interesting. Feeling a bit like I should ask admin to remove this post ?

No, no! Wolfsong! All it means is that I can't describe myself in terms as complicated as you seem to require for yourself! As the years go by (I'm old now) my life and myself seem simpler and simpler. You seem much more complicated. And that's FINE. You're fine and I'm fine! Even while you struggle with your borderline condition and I struggle with my problems. Why would you ask the admins to remove the post? I thought I was being friendly and sympathetic. I really DO appreciate the incredible variety of human life and personality. I think it's wonderful, in the original sense of the word: full of wonder. A sky full of stars and galaxies of stars, billions and billions. An earth full of total individuals, all human, all different, so many that one lifetime is completely insufficient even to get a glimpse of the whole. Wolfsong! I like you and respect you! You should know that from our past exchanges! And I have read your posts and do have some idea of the misery you're struggling with, your own personal reality that makes you, you! I feel that I'm talking to you over a very, very old long distance telephone line, with lots of crackles and ebbs and flows of sound, fading in and out. Can you hear me? I'm WITH you! Can you hear me?

[shezbut]

Wow, wolfsong!

That is a lot that you've put together to describe your personality, likes, and dislikes. Looks like you've put a lot of time into developing your list. It is well-written. I like it!

I suppose that if I put some time, and a lot of thought and care into it, I might come up with a lengthy list myself. Meaning: I've got a lot of funky problems! Yes, I do though.

My list of issues include: Borderline personality disorder, survivor of childhood sexual and emotional abuse, physical challenges ~ epilepsy and traumatic brain injury survivor 3/07, major depression, posttraumatic stress disorder.

I don't think that I can list them in order of importance. They're all important ~ and their impact varies on a daily basis. I know that you didn't list yours in order of importance, this site kind of does that for you. I just don't like that it does. Maybe it will change someday ~ maybe not.

I have always been very shy and humble. I don't take compliments well. While I strongly yearn for compliments, I have a very difficult time accepting them. I try hard to please others. Their complete satisfaction is my reward. As one might guess, I have a lot of disapointment in life as result of my longing for perfection. I don't expect perfection from anyone ~ other than myself. While I know that my expectations and desires are unreal, changing those deep beliefs is much easier said than done!

I guess that I will leave my description at that ~ though there are probably parts that I'm missing. What else is new??! lol

((((Ygrec))))

Ok...See?

This is a key fail for me.I assumed you meant.I thought when you said..."We're all different Thank God...I was bad....?Ughh little girl in me.I apologize.

Thankfully I have realized my need to confirm my interpretations...as I am nearly always off base in my perception.

Frankly I mourn the fact that I am so complex.And,have to say...this doesn't nearly encircle the complexity or diversity of my inner self.Fully madness making.

I envy you.I want to have an ability to find a real-life view-point.I always seemed to 'not fit'.I can see the contrast.I hate it.

You undoubtably were being sympathetic.But,my head mis-interprets and so I find I must ask for clarification.I just couldn't know what you meant.

I was ashamed of my complexity.

Please understand....I have been this 'deep' since forever...I can recall age 4 and thinking this way.

My peers never 'got' me.I received soooo much flack.I just get embarrassed.I want to be not so deep.Son always comments.Doesn't mean harm...jut sees me cry easy and *****es about me 'killing myself emotionally' all the time.


[Wolfsong! I like you and respect you! You should know that from our past exchanges! And I have read your posts and do have some idea of the misery you're struggling with, your own personal reality that makes you, you!]

Thank you.I am so embarrassed at my initial reply.

[I feel that I'm talking to you over a very, very old long distance telephone line, with lots of crackles and ebbs and flows of sound, fading in and out. Can you hear me? I'm WITH you! Can you hear me? ]

Yes,Ygrec...I know sweety...everyone feels this with me.My interpretive qualities in exchange are very lacking.Please forgive.

Thank you for your tenderness and patience.

WO.olf~

((((Shez)))) Must go grab the opportunity to shower,now that son has run to do a few things.Will reply again very soon.((((Thank you)))))

Shez...actually it took 3 minutes to write because it has disturbed my peace for so long to be this way.But I felt it a fair warning to anyone who checked me out b4 talking to me.

I'm glad to see your list...was trying to open the door to that.

Ahhh....Yes,I have PTSD and brain injury as well.No epilepsy.((((Shezzzz))))

I understand that the impact varies....and one cannot really see it coming.You are more like me than you know.In the experience of life department.

I hate compliments too lol....makes me feel like I am aking for attention.I suppose I do want attention...but,I think my posts come from a place inside that needs release of the tension building under the surface?

Absolutely feel you in the people pleaser department.And to fail is devastating.

I love the embarrassed green smilie...you did good!

My sense from you is that you are a very loving,sensitive,empathetic soul.I am so glad you shared with me.

((((Shezzz))))

[Can't Stop Crying]

Survivor of CSA and multiple r***
Survivor of childhood physical and emotional abuse
Major Depressive Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, PTSD
Mother of 2
Wife
Perfectionist
People-pleaser
Full of Contradictions
Misinterpreted and misinterpreter
Confused
Ashamed
Desperate
Alone
Supporter
Needy
Overwhelmed
Inadequate
.........

Thank you CSC...I have been away for a while....so,just seeing this now.I'd love to see you acknowledge some positive aspects of you sweety.

[madisgram]

friendly
compassionate
sometimes outspoken
free from alcoholism for "today"
grateful
love my son so much i can't describe
proud mother
grandmother of 3 wonderful, happy, well mannered girls
live alone with my dog cody and not lonely
great irl friends who love me unconditionally warts and all, great pc friends
BP
PTSD
survivor of domestic physical and mental abuse
GAD
agoraphobic sometimes
love life, reading, gardening, art, humanities, history
christian
happy, joyous and free!
wolfsong, thank you for this thoughtful thread. may we all find our way in this life.

Very lovely Madisgram ,sounds to me as if you are quite a survivor,and have a very lovely heart.Thank you for responding!

[ladyjrnlist]

Biography I am 36, married, and a former journalist (laid off). I am now in grad school studying urban planning. I plan to take over the world one mental health Web site at a time.
Location In Your Face
Interests Reading, shopping, excessive amounts of therapy
Occupation Graduate Student
My Mental Health Concerns
Bipolar Disorder
Depression
Survivor of domestic violence
Self-injury
Eating Disorders

[billieJ]

wolfsong ~ your recognition and reconciliation of opposites within yourself is truly awesome! The poetry is magnificent and reminiscent of the great Walt Whitman!! Thank You ~ billieJ

[TheGammaGeek]

I am someone who...

-Has a low self esteem... and a high ego
-Never forgets who hurt her... and never holds a grudge.
-Is depressed... and optimistic.
-Is likely to lash out... trying to keep the peace.
-Always alone in a crowd... and content with the company of no one else.
-Too immature for children... and too mature for adults.
-Tries to be nice... and is still a complete smarta**
-Likes watching football... while playing World of Warcraft.
-Loves wolves... and hates dogs.
-Reads... so she doesn't have to think.
-Wants to be a psychologist... and has social anxiety disorder
-Loves all humans... but has a sick desire to be something more.
-Is a total hypocrite... that hates hypocrites.

I never feel
-Smart enough
-Good enough
-Attractive enough
-Like I'm doing the right thing
-Like I'm even plugged into society

I love
-Animals
-Black comedies
-Frasier, the Simpsons, Family Guy and Pysch
-Romance
-My family and few friends
-My computer
-School

I cannot stand
-Fools
-Close minded people
-Arrogance
-To be alive somtimes
-The Yankees
-When no one else understands

I will
-Get a freaking PH.D no matter what everyone else says
-Fight the man!
-Work for the zoo!
-Earn that Honors when I graduate
-Get an A in all my classes from now on
-Survive

I am
-Sorry that this is so long.

Glad it was so long....you are very insightful.

[SadNJNY]

Biography
I am a 50 year old professional loser, living at home with my older brother and invalid mother. I've failed in virtually every area of my life (friends, money, love, etc). For the most part, I feel either rejected or forgotten by everyone I've ever know. I have trouble making and keeping friends. I've been divorced since 2001 and I have no children. I lack direction and struggle to figure out what my next occupation/job/vocation should be. I feel lonely virtually all the time, even when people are present. Real or imagined, I feel worthless and unlovable - yet I keep going on, with the faint and flickering hope that my life will somehow get better. That said, my life has passed me by and this is probably as good as it gets for me. Whenever good has arrived in my life, I've always managed to sabotage it. I'm constantly consumed with the regrets of my past mistakes and how they continue to effect my life today. To me, true happiness doesn't necessarily need to be a constant state of bliss. Instead, I'd be content with simply having a few things in my life to look forward to.

Location
NYC area

Interests
baseball, film, art, TV, aviation, psychology/self-help

Occupation
formerly an art director, now completely lost and unemployed

[Can't Stop Crying]

Originally Posted by wolfsong

Thank you CSC...I have been away for a while....so,just seeing this now.I'd love to see you acknowledge some positive aspects of you sweety.

I'm having a hard time finding any, I'll let you know if I ever do

[nice girl]

23 young and pretty,
should be able to live life. . . .
But i feel like an outcast most of the time, , , ,
Don't know why im like this and it happened to my life, , , ,
Survivor of emotional and sexual abuse,
Friendly, emotional, reserved,
enjoy with friends on weekends sometimes,
Get back to work on week days, live the same old life. . . .
Sleepless many a nights, Alone and wonder why. . . .
Don't wanna tell any1 something's wrong with me and my life. . . .
And if i even tell a little bit i'm an outcast from the circle i like. . . .
Social anxiety disorder might be something i suffer from,
trying my best to survive. . . .
Don't want to be a pain for my parents anymore. . . .
My deepest wish: departure. . . .
My fav. singers: by avril lavign, evanescence, Taylor swift, Rihana, Britney, enrique, Akon, n many more
My fav. song: In the arms of an angel, Sweet Sacrifice, Ka-ching,
My hobbies: collect and read novels, and story books, Singing, Shopping.

[Can't Stop Crying]

Originally Posted by Can't Stop Crying

I'm having a hard time finding any, I'll let you know if I ever do

I am a good mother!

[madisgram]

Originally Posted by wolfsong

Very lovely Madisgram ,sounds to me as if you are quite a survivor,and have a very lovely heart.Thank you for responding!

thank you wolfsong for those kind words. lots of therapy and hard- but worth it- work on self improvement to get to where i am. out of the pitless well to recovery. content for the most part.

[madisgram]

while reading this thread it strikes me how many of us are at some point in our lives. it strikes me how incredibly strong we are even when we don't feel that way about ourselves. we have adversities but have or are willing to strive for better things for our life. many of your replies remind me so much from whence i came. i offer you hope that you can improve. as long as we seek, we will find the answers and be able to change our plight. it may take time but i encourage you to keep at it. i never thought i'd ever get to the place i am now. i had no hope and felt helpless. doomed. i could see no vision of living any other way than i was then. we are here at pc seeking wisdom or helping and supporting others. so we are already striving for peace in our troubled lives. keep the faith.

[SadNJNY]

Originally Posted by madisgram

i offer you hope that you can improve. as long as we seek, we will find the answers and be able to change our plight. it may take time but i encourage you to keep at it. i never thought i'd ever get to the place i am now. i had no hope and felt helpless. doomed. i could see no vision of living any other way than i was then. we are here at pc seeking wisdom or helping and supporting others. so we are already striving for peace in our troubled lives. keep the faith.

thank you so much for this!
it means a lot to me to see & read these words,
and i'm sure it means a lot to others, too!

In adversity,there is experience....in experience....growth.I know that so many of us wish we had experienced a different sort of path....and I understand fully the reason why.I often wish life had been very different.Perhaps this was my intended path?I have no clue.But,if I peer very much into the past...who I'd been....who I have become...I have to admit that I have gained things worth gaining via my life experiences...both good and bad.This much I DO know...I gained the ability to relate to very diverse groups ,from diverse upbringings....with all sorts of differences...and can love irregardless of those quirks,disabilities,race,gender,sexual preference,status etc..For that....I'd say it was all worth it...though I will likely cry or complain or depressively ponder all such things in the near future.LOL