Since I've got home to Cali

I am having issues sleeping again.Is it normal for a guy to hold you in place when you wriggle away?I mean I know what the replies will be.But,are guys so driven that they lose control to an extent?Can they really not be near a person without 'going there'?I don't know what to feel.My kids don't live here anymore.My youngest barely comes by.Just now,and then in the early evening,and right before he gets out the door for his college carpool.So sleeping on the couch isn't a help.I know I can sleep in the camper,but,I was trying to be 'normal' and thought that after having left,things would be different.My son would notice if I start sleeping in the camper again.I could stay up for the hours of 5:30 pm to 4:30 am,and avoid things that way,but it takes time to alter your sleeping habits.I know I am going to have to live with this.Is there some way to brainwash me that everything is alright?So then I could accept it?It's hard to feel strongly one way or another because I guess he does love me?Idk....I'm not making any sense.Well,I did get another hour of sleep,so I can probably stay up longer today.Sorry I'll quit,I know I am not making sense.

Hi my friend,
No, no it is not normal at all!!!! don't let him pollute your head like that! What he is doing is an act of dominance not of love... I don't think I have to spell it out any more than that for you (but I will if you make me :P ). Yes, people have drives, biological needs even... but there are ways to meet those needs without forcing them onto others.

Then,what is it about me that I have to be doomed to be left with this experience with love in my life?I must deserve it.I want to be 'in love' passionate,treasured,and psychologically intimate with one of 'like mind'.....not have this be my final experience.Not feel as if this is all there is.It wasn't even till last year that I faced it for what it is.I can't push on this way.I'm f'ing tired from it.Now, my sleep is suffering again.Next thing you know, my personality is going to suffer.My dear friend pointed out that I was different somehow when away from here.

I have no doubts you are different when you are away. It sounds like your kids are out of the house... time for you to get out too. You can't be healthy in such an unhealthy living situation. You are and deserve better!!!!!

I want to go.I can't live this way.I don't want to live.I am so tired from so many things.I am not sleeping much,and I know I will split under this strain.I am so different away from here.Something happened and I can't talk to anyone about it.I feel so much pressure inside.Sorry I was ok this morning,one phone call is too much I guess.Thank you Omers.

Hugs. I am here as you need me. You know you can always PM too. And you know that no matter what it is you have to get out I am not going to judge you.

Thank you darlin',I appreciate more than you can know.