[darkangel2011]

Well i have been in a new relationship now about 4 months . . All going well except for my paranoia and jealousy problems. . when we go out and he so much as looks at another girl i freak . . not that id ever say it or show it . . but inside i have sick tisted thoughts of what id do to that girl . . thinking of it later i can sometimes say it was in my head or that its not her fault . . but in the moment I think of horrible things to do to her.. . ive almost doen these things at times . . but somehow stop . . very close to it being too late . up to the point of taking first steps towards doing something to the girl . . i would never blame him because im not goin to loose him . . in my mind its always the innocent girl whos at fault . . please please help me get over this . . its soo hard . .help!!

[Soul Quake]

Anger management.

[darkangel2011]

Well thanks very much Soul Quake . . very insensitive .. you oviosly have no idea what its like to not being able to control your emotions . . its not an anger thing . . because i dont know what im doin until i suddenly wake up from myself and find glass in my hand for example

[Yoda]

How is it not an anger thing? You want to slash an innocent stranger's face. You can't control your emotions? What emotion would you call it that makes you want to hurt people?

I am glad that you are trying to deal with your problem. How long has this been going on? Have you considered that you might talk to a therapist about your feelings?

[Soul Quake]

People with intense surges of anger can have blackouts. Denial is also a frequent characteristic in those in need of anger management.

[darkangel2011]

Im already in therapy . . in fact i have 2 therapists and 4 doctors in cherry orchard hospital in the psych ward . . they all said its normal for that sort of thing to happen with my mental disorder . . but how is that normal??. . who does that?? . . thats why im on this . . i dotn want a professional opinion . . i want normal girls and lads sayin normal things not medical terms and all that . . i have enough of that 4 times a week

[MarcyCJ]

i am not a professional, but i believe that since your emotions are so strong you don't pay attention to the logical side of things.
it takes alot of time to train your brain to not get ahead of itself.
by what i have read, you do know that you overreact and that is a good sign
you have to learn to trust your bf and constantly tell yourself that the girls you see passing by probably don't know and/or aren't even interested in getting involved with someone else's guy.
also, being jealous will cause a huge strain in your relationship with your bf...if you really love him, you must trust that he only loves you. in his eyes you probably are the most beautiful person in the world

but, just in case something does happen (like if he cheats on you), take into consideration that it is also his fault. it would do you no good to be possesive of a bf who cheats.

When you step-back and view this post out side yourself you can see that to have the thoughts you mentioned on a list....indicate that it
IS an anger thing

People who aren't angry will not have these thoughts.

The list is as follows:

I have sick twisted thoughts of what I'd do to this girl

Ripping her hair out

Smashing her teeth into a curb

Slashing her face up JUST so she'd be ugly and no one would look at her

Smashed a glass to to cut her face up


Then.....
You turn around and make yourself the victim...

But you identify the thoughts
paranoia,
jealousy
violence
pre-meditation (if you act on this crap)

You recognize the evil in them
You say "When we go out" Indicates more than once

You only "somehow" stop?
"very close to it being too late"
Time bomb waiting to go off

How's this for helping you get over it?:

You want to go to prison?
Live with the knowledge of your deeds?
Do you think she (who ever she may be) is less valuable than you?
How'd you feel if she,or some man,or anyone was entertaining these thoughts toward you?
What happens when the deed is done?
What then?

Then....
you turn around and give a guilt trip to someone giving you base recommendation.Like THEY were wrong.

You say you don't know what you're doing till you "wake up' from yourself....

Lets see that keep you out of prison.
Hurt one of my kids,anyones kid....wow...you wouldnt EVEN want to do that if I knew you.

You know what happens to new girls in prison?Better google it b4 you decide to slash a face hun.

E-mail your arse to an in-patient hospital QUICK!

[xadorningxwoundsx]

I'm bipolar and experience the same thing. Honestly, i just try to stay conscious of my emotions and know that while mutilating her may very well keep my boyfriend from looking at her, it will both change how he looks at me and land me some prison/asylum time. Thankfully my boyfriend is very understanding of how I'm wired differently than most people, so I'm able to talk to him about these violent jealous urges without judgement, and he is now aware of how badly it makes me feel when he heavily acknowledges attractive women. Idk what your boyfriends like, but i think if you were able to discuss things like this with him it would help you too.

Hello, darkangel2011. My suggestion is for you to print your posts in this thread for your treatment team. They need to know the treatment you are receiving is not working, at least with regard to the jealousy you speak of.

I have no thoughts about how to deal with the jealously. You know it is unhealthy, is a product of the illness and has the potential to lead to a truly unfortunate act that certainly will have serious consequences.

I hope your treatment team is able to help.

[LazyLogophile]

I agree with adorningwounds. I can't say that I haven't felt that jealous before. In fact...before I decided to join this website I was struggling with very serious jealousy issues and thought the same things (only it was about ex girlfriends and not random strangers).

Darkangel, you said you are currently in therapy? Have you talked to your doctor about how you feel? I can totally relate, by the way. I don't identify myself as having any disorders (because I feel like if you have a personality at all, you have some "disorder" or another; there are actually disorders for being excessively happy!), but I have had some MAJOR jealousy problems in my past and current relationship. It comes down to insecurity and loving yourself. Ugh, why is loving yourself so hard? I hate myself sometimes. I used to dream of doing exactly what you described to my current boyfriend's ex girlfriends. I wanted them to feel my pain. Why do they get to be perfect and I have to be so flawed?

It's a really difficult thing to let go of, but trust in your relationship and loving yourself, however cliche it might be, is the only answer that I have found. I'm not saying I'm over it, because I still fight the urge to get angry when a cute girl passes by, and sometimes I make a snarky comment afterwards like "I know you were looking at her"...and you know what? He was. But SO WAS I! If you want to get rid of those feelings, you have to accept that no matter how attractive, or "perfect" you are, there will always be that insecurity. What matters is not who your boyfriend looks at, or occassionally fantasizes about, it's how he treats you and how you feel about yourself. Bottom line, no matter how angry or jealous you are, if he wants to cheat on you, he will. So, since there isn't anything you can do about it, why not just accept it and laugh about it? Focus on living your life and loving yourself, and you'll be surprised at how much those things don't matter to you anymore. Try to remember that those girls you are projecting your insecurities on might also feel the same way about you! They might even be dealing with abusive relationships or a bad breakup or a lost loved one.

Do something nice for yourself. Take a bubble bath and give yourself a facial. Have confidence that you are worth loving, and that your boyfriend, though he may look at other women, is WITH YOU, and not someone else. That makes you special to him. And if he does cheat on you, then thank him for it because it means you can move on and find someone who will be faithful to you and appreciate you.

I really feel for you, and I hope it helps to know that you are NOT crazy, and your feelings ARE valid. Cut yourself a little slack, ok? You're a good person who deserves love and respect, so start by giving that to yourself. It's ok to feel angry sometimes, but remind yourself that those feelings are about you and not anyone else. Find a good stress release for yourself. Get a punching bag, or take a kick boxing class! It will make you feel better about how you look (exercise always does, no matter what your body type), and it will allow you to vent that anger and frustration in a healthy, controlled environment.

Good luck to you! I hope this helps. <3

[xadorningxwoundsx]

Originally Posted by LazyLogophile

I agree with adorningwounds. I can't say that I haven't felt that jealous before. In fact...before I decided to join this website I was struggling with very serious jealousy issues and thought the same things (only it was about ex girlfriends and not random strangers).

Darkangel, you said you are currently in therapy? Have you talked to your doctor about how you feel? I can totally relate, by the way. I don't identify myself as having any disorders (because I feel like if you have a personality at all, you have some "disorder" or another; there are actually disorders for being excessively happy!), but I have had some MAJOR jealousy problems in my past and current relationship. It comes down to insecurity and loving yourself. Ugh, why is loving yourself so hard? I hate myself sometimes. I used to dream of doing exactly what you described to my current boyfriend's ex girlfriends. I wanted them to feel my pain. Why do they get to be perfect and I have to be so flawed?

It's a really difficult thing to let go of, but trust in your relationship and loving yourself, however cliche it might be, is the only answer that I have found. I'm not saying I'm over it, because I still fight the urge to get angry when a cute girl passes by, and sometimes I make a snarky comment afterwards like "I know you were looking at her"...and you know what? He was. But SO WAS I! If you want to get rid of those feelings, you have to accept that no matter how attractive, or "perfect" you are, there will always be that insecurity. What matters is not who your boyfriend looks at, or occassionally fantasizes about, it's how he treats you and how you feel about yourself. Bottom line, no matter how angry or jealous you are, if he wants to cheat on you, he will. So, since there isn't anything you can do about it, why not just accept it and laugh about it? Focus on living your life and loving yourself, and you'll be surprised at how much those things don't matter to you anymore. Try to remember that those girls you are projecting your insecurities on might also feel the same way about you! They might even be dealing with abusive relationships or a bad breakup or a lost loved one.

Do something nice for yourself. Take a bubble bath and give yourself a facial. Have confidence that you are worth loving, and that your boyfriend, though he may look at other women, is WITH YOU, and not someone else. That makes you special to him. And if he does cheat on you, then thank him for it because it means you can move on and find someone who will be faithful to you and appreciate you.

I really feel for you, and I hope it helps to know that you are NOT crazy, and your feelings ARE valid. Cut yourself a little slack, ok? You're a good person who deserves love and respect, so start by giving that to yourself. It's ok to feel angry sometimes, but remind yourself that those feelings are about you and not anyone else. Find a good stress release for yourself. Get a punching bag, or take a kick boxing class! It will make you feel better about how you look (exercise always does, no matter what your body type), and it will allow you to vent that anger and frustration in a healthy, controlled environment.

Good luck to you! I hope this helps. <3

Beautifully put. I didn't even think about the excercise thing but the release of endorphins will help her mood, and the results will be good for confidence. I might just take this advice myself. :-)

[objtrbit]

hiya darkangel;

first of all, kudos for identifying the fact that what you feel is jealousy-believe it or not, some people arn't there yet-are too ashamed that they are capable of feeling such a thing that they stuff it down-so you've hit check point one

Me being Freudian, I'm thinking in the past, all of what you are feeling made
perfectly good sense somewhere. Typically this is parent related, but other people could have abused you too;

When a person "over" reacts, it's because they have had horrible experiences with something, and your unconscious knows what that trauma was, so it defends it's self...in this case, violent anger, wa-la.

I have a feeling that you're not going to be able to just change your thoughts and trusy your bf; lol, doesn't work that way in reality...I think ya gotta think about those past experiences, talk about it, and emotionally release it. If not, you may end up recreating the jealous and pain of what happened to you over and over again...and I'm talkin', you will litterally pull, or set yourself up unconsciously, back into these situations-because it's all you know. How can one trust if never known trust? Nah' I'm saying? lol.

If you find yourself beating yourself up verbally or in other ways, self savotage including...that is also not releasing anger in healthy ways-it will further your patterns, make things worse, cuz the anger that belongs to your abuser will be released onto others or yourself.

Hang in there yo, try to think about where some of that hurt is coming from;

((((darkangel)))
Take care,
-obj

[Lorenzoe]

Hey I sometimes have the same problem but I as well have been trying to cope with and one thing that works with me is as soon as something like what you said happens I tell myself its ok I'm better than that and if he can't realize that then someone else will because remember they come a dime a dozen...

[chunkymonkey555]

I just wanted to say I also get jealous enough to imagine people getting hurt, but not by me, by life... idk reverse karma?

[darkangel2011]

Thanks 4 all of you for helping well apart from the ones who kind of attacked me . . even though i deserved it 4 those thoughts . . and no wolfsong im not the victim and at the same time no-one is since i have never done anytin . . and why are you sayin i would hurt your kids?? dats a horrible accusation . . but other those comments. . i have calmed down . . one girl actually went as far as to grind up on him at a bar and i immediatly saw red but sumthing stopped before the thoughts even got far . . something LazyLogophile had said stuck " if hes going to cheat he will,theres nothing you can do about it. Why not laugh about it and enjoy life? . . And if he does cheat on you, then thank him for it because it means you can move on and find someone who will be faithful to you and appreciate you." . . your whole post was just so nice and sweet and realy spoke to me . . a special thanks to you!! x

[gerrithegirl69]

Hi,
I'm sorry to hear that you are jealous and angry. It feels so uncomfortable inside to feel those feelings. I have feelings like that evee with friends. I feel jealous when my friend has a private conversation with someone else, and I know that it is crazy. I think that we know it intelectually, but knowing that doesn't change the feelings. You're not alone.
Gerri

Darkangel...my kids are 25,21,&19....so,I honestly didn't mean kids...to me they are my kids....but,I didn't mean children.Sorry for the misunderstanding.

[darkangel2011]

Originally Posted by gerrithegirl69

Hi,
I'm sorry to hear that you are jealous and angry. It feels so uncomfortable inside to feel those feelings. I have feelings like that evee with friends. I feel jealous when my friend has a private conversation with someone else, and I know that it is crazy. I think that we know it intelectually, but knowing that doesn't change the feelings. You're not alone.
Gerri

I completely know how u feel . . ive been trying my best to get over them strong feelings of jealousy and anger . . its not easy . . i know exactly what you mean when a friend has been talking and you are notinvolved . . you sum how get paranoid . . maybe its about you . . i know . . but just understand . . that you just myt think that they are agains you . . but you will know yourself . . nobody can be nice and *****y behind your back without becoming obvious in some way or another . . sometimes your gut feelings arent always right . . ive learnt that in a hard way . . especially with the way i am . . i jump to conclusions . . hang in there . . feelings cant control m forever and neither can they to you xx

[darkangel2011]

Originally Posted by wolfsong

Darkangel...my kids are 25,21,&19....so,I honestly didn't mean kids...to me they are my kids....but,I didn't mean children.Sorry for the misunderstanding.

oh i see . . thought you ment young kids . . and anyway i have never followed through with these thoughts so nobody has been hurt . . i dont think i could forgive myself if i managed to hurt someone innocent . . i think like you as well . . no matter what age! they are still someone kids . . and im getting over the thoughts .. im just glad that i have never followed them through. .

I don't think you will.