[itsuno]

i got hurt to many times in the past and as a result i found a solution: kill of my emotions (or atleast hide them very well). Since then i have gotten a different kind of feeling, and i cannot describe it as a typical feeling, i can however try to describe it as discusting as that is what i percieve it as and now i want this feeling gone as i do not like it

oh and i am pretty sure the discusting feeling didn't came imediatly after my emotion seperation

[BatsAndButterflies]

I complete understand where you are coming from and I hope someone has some good advice, because I would like to hear it as well...

[itsuno]

thanx for your post

more info
currently i live with it as i have no other choice, i guess that is why i am here... as for family and friends well no one knows and i have put up a front to get rid of questioning on how i feel all the time which was annoying, so i can fake feelings...

[tattoogirl33]

I managed to repress my emotions in my early 20's.. But I started to lose control when I hit my late 20's and my family "caught" me. I thought it would feel like a "weight off my shoulders" being able to express myself again but it's been total hell for the past few years. Now my mother doesn't trust anything I say or do, and everyone is back to treating me as child (I'm a single mother of 3 children for goodness sake!) *sigh* I'm sorry I don't have any good advice... this just plain sucks!

[itsuno]

does anybody know an answer or anything that can help?

by the way, i have seen improvement on my hidden feelings, my little sister was having a party (first time in a few years) but we all went out and when we later should go back she stayed behind, it became later and later. the next time we rang her she was at the gate (she lives at the third floor so nobody could confirm it but everyone was leaving), she wasn`t there, at this time i was freaking out (didn´t show it). an hour later i get the news that she is at home, well out and trowing the trash, i rushed over there and saw for myself that she was ok, helped her to the bed and left.

at the time i was a wreck, screemed all i could and hit a wall to get it out of my system, it hurt like hell but i learned that my feelings arent goone, they are just very numb or resurface when i find something i think is serious enough

another question, what can i do to connect with my feelings again?

[Leed]

It sounds to me like you need to talk to a therapist about this. Reconnecting with your feelings isn't something that you can pull out of a hat. Since you've numbed them for so long, you're used to feeling like that ~ you've stuffed your emotions so far back, that they won't come forward anymore.

Call a therapist and make an appointment. You might not have to see one for a long time, but it would do you good to talk with one. I don't think anything we said would help you much. Best of luck & God bless. Hugs, Lee

[madisgram]

sounds like your hidden feelings are bogging u up. then when they're triggered u explode cause they are stuffed down for so long. expressing yourself with others, your likes dislikes, may help some. it's ok to say when u're scared or frustrated. everyone experiences those uncomfortable feelings. the key is to channel them in a more middle of the road expression.
i agree i believe a T could help you get to the bottom of this.

[itsuno]

thanx for your post
i am afraid that i might flood my feelings if i try to expressing my feeling and another thing to be concerned about is if i explode i probably take the closest person so i am afraid i might hurt them
i am too ashamed to going to a T and i came here in hope i wouldn't need it, but i cannot just say no to all advice and hope other will continue to give advice or atleast that it my logic, i will build up curage, getting to know about it,
the worst thing about it is that i can do it in my city, people who knows me will know about it
the best thing about it is that it is close

[Open Eyes]

Originally Posted by itsuno

thanx for your post
i am afraid that i might flood my feelings if i try to expressing my feeling and another thing to be concerned about is if i explode i probably take the closest person so i am afraid i might hurt them
i am too ashamed to going to a T and i came here in hope i wouldn't need it, but i cannot just say no to all advice and hope other will continue to give advice or atleast that it my logic, i will build up curage, getting to know about it,
the worst thing about it is that i can do it in my city, people who knows me will know about it
the best thing about it is that it is close

itsuno, I answered your other post again. I talked about how bullies are made.
You are at cross road, dont give in to anger. It is ok to be startled and concerned. You have witnessed anger from others in your past. So you struggle because you do not want to be like them. It takes time to learn to settle in and just let the good person in you calm down and come out and grow. Leave the anger you saw in the past with those others that displayed it, their problem not yours.

Everyone gets angry istuno. We all do. But the important thing is to stop the anger as soon as you can because no one can ever think clearly or reason when they act on anger.

Open Eyes