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  #1  
Old Jun 24, 2011, 07:50 AM
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SoupDragon SoupDragon is offline
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Things have been feeling really settled with me - ther have been a few things going on this week at work, that were very difficult, but I seemed to be coping well.

Then someone at work spoke to me about someone else they had concerns about as she had disclosed she is self harming - I ended up talking withe her and encouraging her to see her doctor. It was weird talking with her - being able to empathise, but not being able to share my own experiences.

I then today had a conversation with my mother about self harm - she has no idea that I do - she then revealed to me that my cousin who was murdered when he was 18 (about 20 years ago) used to sefl harm and had cuts all up his arms - I had no idea.

His mum and dad split up and his mum was really mean to him, used to tell him she didn't love him, didn't want him. He ended up a bit of a bad lad and I remember he asked my mum and dad if he could come to live with us - they said no. He was on remand in a young persons secure unit awaiting a court appearance. While there I understand he got into an arguement with someone else who had a knife - and my cousin was stabbed several times - there were numerous cuts on his hands so he had tried to defend himself - but sadly he was eventually stabbed in the heart and died.

It was all very sad at the time and I know his mum has had a lot of guilt to work through - life had also been hard for her.

But today I am left with this overwhelming pain and sadness, not so much that he was killed, but I can't get it out of my head that he must have been experiencing emotional pain before hand to want to self harm.

The calmness I had been feeling has been taken away and I feel back where I started, anxious, sad and feelings of dread. I have been trying to do what my T said and just try to be interested in the feelings rather than overwhlemed by them, but it is really difficult to escape them - on top of everything I feel so disappointed I thought I was getting better.
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  #2  
Old Jun 24, 2011, 08:05 AM
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madisgram madisgram is offline
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this may be helpful, soup, as well as the therapy you are receiving:
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/self_injury.htm

as for your depressive emotions the article states:
Self-harm and your emotions
You may find yourself more likely to self-harm after an overwhelming or distressing experience, or series of experiences. It’s possible that you never learned how to identify or express difficult feelings in a healthy way. Understanding your emotions and how they may make you want to self-harm can be another important step toward recovery.
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Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle.
The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours..~Ayn Rand
Thanks for this!
SoupDragon
  #3  
Old Jun 24, 2011, 12:08 PM
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SoupDragon SoupDragon is offline
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Have just heard that my Grandfather has died - he was an amazing 102 and a really special man a POW for 5 years in the 2nd World War - I was immensely proud of him and am missing him already
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  #4  
Old Jun 24, 2011, 04:47 PM
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madisgram madisgram is offline
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so, so sorry about your grandfather. wow, and a wonderful patriot. i can see he will be sorely missed, soup. in your heart he will always be here.
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Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle.
The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours..~Ayn Rand
Thanks for this!
SoupDragon
  #5  
Old Jun 25, 2011, 04:02 PM
Anonymous29403
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Hello Soup ~ Condolences for the passing of your grandfather It sounds like you have your plate full right now with emotional triggers.

I wanted to talk to you about emotions and I hope this helps a little bit. I took Dialectal Behavior Training for 2 years and I learned new skills to manage big emotions. Before I begin, think of a number 1-10, 10 being the highest emotion. Okay, so here we go.....:

1. You are not your emotion, you are not the sum total of the emotion you are experiencing.
2. There are primary emotions and secondary emotions. Emotions love emotions. Primary emotions cause secondary emotions unless one can observe and describe them just as they are............ emotions. Primary emotions are hardwired such as anger, sorrow, joy, fear, disgust, guilt, shame, surprise. All others are learned such as anger + disgust = contempt. Contempt is the secondary emotion. Secondary emotions can confuse the primary emotion reaction that is called Ambivalence, which is more than one emotional reaction to the same event.
3. The key is not to judge yourself when you are having the emotion, don't analyze the emotion, don't act on the emotion, accept the emotion as just that, it's an emotion and step back from it by self-distracting with something self soothing. Walk away from the emotion. Leave a room where you first felt the emotion and radically accept the emotion as just that, it's just an emotion and it doesn't define who you are. You are separate from your emotion. I make collages to represent my emotions. Then I fold them up and put them away, containing the emotion, so I feel safe and separate from that emotion.
4. I experience a big emotion as a tital wave. I imagine myself riding a bright pink innertube out in the ocean and a big wave comes along but the innertube helps keep me afloat and I am able to ride the big wave. Experience the emotion as a wave in the ocean. Waves come and waves go. What color would you like your innertube to be? Or would it be better to be a raft or surfboard?
5. Put yourself into the present moment, don't think about the past, nor the future, after all, you only have this one moment to live in. You cannot think of two things at the same time, so I feel safe when I practice grounding skills as it keeps me in the present moment and it diffuses the emotion I was experiencing. Do you know what the five senses to grounding are? Let me tell you... taste, smell, sight, hearing and touch. Tell me what you are seeing right now? What are you smelling right now? What are you hearing right now? What are you touching and how does it feel right now? The present moment can be a safe place for you. Being mindful that the negative emotion will end by applying opposite action. Every emotion has an action urge and by applying opposite action to the urge will reduce the intensity of the emotion. This action urge is hardwired and is a natural experience. Learning to distract yourself during this emotion reduces vulnerability.
6. Do not treat emotion as fact, because they are not fact. However, some emotions prepare us for action, as when a threat is justified. Do not judge your emotions because they are not fact.

This is just a brief introduction to emotions for you to think about. Now answer me this, after reading and thinking about what I just said, what is the level of emotion you are feeling now (on a scale of 1-10, 10 being the highest emotion)? So, the next time you feel the urge to cut, try applying some of these principles. It takes alot of practice but don't judge yourself if it doesn't always work
  #6  
Old Jun 25, 2011, 04:16 PM
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SoupDragon SoupDragon is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by June_Bug View Post
Hello Soup ~ Condolences for the passing of your grandfather It sounds like you have your plate full right now with emotional triggers.

I wanted to talk to you about emotions and I hope this helps a little bit. I took Dialectal Behavior Training for 2 years and I learned new skills to manage big emotions. Before I begin, think of a number 1-10, 10 being the highest emotion. Okay, so here we go.....:

1. You are not your emotion, you are not the sum total of the emotion you are experiencing.
2. There are primary emotions and secondary emotions. Emotions love emotions. Primary emotions cause secondary emotions unless one can observe and describe them just as they are............ emotions. Primary emotions are hardwired such as anger, sorrow, joy, fear, disgust, guilt, shame, surprise. All others are learned such as anger + disgust = contempt. Contempt is the secondary emotion. Secondary emotions can confuse the primary emotion reaction that is called Ambivalence, which is more than one emotional reaction to the same event.
3. The key is not to judge yourself when you are having the emotion, don't analyze the emotion, don't act on the emotion, accept the emotion as just that, it's an emotion and step back from it by self-distracting with something self soothing. Walk away from the emotion. Leave a room where you first felt the emotion and radically accept the emotion as just that, it's just an emotion and it doesn't define who you are. You are separate from your emotion. I make collages to represent my emotions. Then I fold them up and put them away, containing the emotion, so I feel safe and separate from that emotion.
4. I experience a big emotion as a tital wave. I imagine myself riding a bright pink innertube out in the ocean and a big wave comes along but the innertube helps keep me afloat and I am able to ride the big wave. Experience the emotion as a wave in the ocean. Waves come and waves go. What color would you like your innertube to be? Or would it be better to be a raft or surfboard?
5. Put yourself into the present moment, don't think about the past, nor the future, after all, you only have this one moment to live in. You cannot think of two things at the same time, so I feel safe when I practice grounding skills as it keeps me in the present moment and it diffuses the emotion I was experiencing. Do you know what the five senses to grounding are? Let me tell you... taste, smell, sight, hearing and touch. Tell me what you are seeing right now? What are you smelling right now? What are you hearing right now? What are you touching and how does it feel right now? The present moment can be a safe place for you. Being mindful that the negative emotion will end by applying opposite action. Every emotion has an action urge and by applying opposite action to the urge will reduce the intensity of the emotion. This action urge is hardwired and is a natural experience. Learning to distract yourself during this emotion reduces vulnerability.
6. Do not treat emotion as fact, because they are not fact. However, some emotions prepare us for action, as when a threat is justified. Do not judge your emotions because they are not fact.

This is just a brief introduction to emotions for you to think about. Now answer me this, after reading and thinking about what I just said, what is the level of emotion you are feeling now (on a scale of 1-10, 10 being the highest emotion)? So, the next time you feel the urge to cut, try applying some of these principles. It takes alot of practice but don't judge yourself if it doesn't always work
Thank-you for this JB - my concentration is not great right now - so I shall read it a few more times to see if I can understand it better, particularly the primary / secondary emotion bit, which sounds interesting - but it also sounds like there are some real practical things there I can try to do re: my senses. Thanks again - shall report back SD.
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  #7  
Old Jun 25, 2011, 05:17 PM
Anonymous29403
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It's alot to take in SoupDragon . Keep in mind while you are pondering over this, you are in the present moment, just like right now as you read this message to you.

If you have questions, ask away

Quote:
Originally Posted by SoupDragon View Post
Thank-you for this JB - my concentration is not great right now - so I shall read it a few more times to see if I can understand it better, particularly the primary / secondary emotion bit, which sounds interesting - but it also sounds like there are some real practical things there I can try to do re: my senses. Thanks again - shall report back SD.
Thanks for this!
SoupDragon
  #8  
Old Jun 26, 2011, 04:19 AM
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PTSDlovemycats PTSDlovemycats is offline
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Location: Canada
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SoupDragon. I am so sorry for your loss. ((((Hugs))))
Thanks for this!
SoupDragon
  #9  
Old Jun 26, 2011, 07:20 AM
Anonymous33005
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SoupDragon
i am so sorry for the loss of your grandfather - it sounds like he was an amazing man who played a big role in your life.

As far as all of the listening...I can't imagine that you wouldn't get triggered. I think because you have "been there" it gives you the gift of empathy, which allows you to be the best kind of listener to others, but it is tough on you after, as you can now see...because you CAN relate and identify. It's a tough thing to separate but I think you are getting better because you are identifying what you're going through.
Thanks for this!
SoupDragon
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