[SoupDragon]

I am slowly getting it that it is not enough to "talk about" events in the past with my T - actually have just re-read my title and it's not even about showing emotions. it is about feeling them right?

How do I do that with my T? I always just switch off.

When I feel emotions at home, they are just so overwhelming - I think I am scared that I will start crying and lose control of me and never stop again. Or the emotions will trigger the bad thoughts.

[Can't Stop Crying]

I have been there! One step at a time is all I can say. I started with a list of feelings I found in a book and read pages and pages of dictionary's to try to find what I was "supposed" to feel, all I knew was bad. Every time a feeling came up, it was just bad. I was scared too - that I would unleash a monster, that it would never stop, that it would make things worse. Identifying and feeling the feelings in therapy DOES make things worse temporarily, but eventually it starts to calm down. I don't know how it will be forever, right now I usually try to make one day, one memory, one feeling at a time. I am finding the things that I really have felt down to the core and done all the re-experiencing and painful processing are starting to lose their thunder. It's not easy and sometimes I am ready to throw in the towel, but every baby step I take gives me a tiny bit of hope that some day I will be free.

[SoupDragon]

Originally Posted by Can't Stop Crying

I have been there! One step at a time is all I can say. I started with a list of feelings I found in a book and read pages and pages of dictionary's to try to find what I was "supposed" to feel, all I knew was bad. Every time a feeling came up, it was just bad. I was scared too - that I would unleash a monster, that it would never stop, that it would make things worse. Identifying and feeling the feelings in therapy DOES make things worse temporarily, but eventually it starts to calm down. I don't know how it will be forever, right now I usually try to make one day, one memory, one feeling at a time. I am finding the things that I really have felt down to the core and done all the re-experiencing and painful processing are starting to lose their thunder. It's not easy and sometimes I am ready to throw in the towel, but every baby step I take gives me a tiny bit of hope that some day I will be free.

Thank-you - I guess I was hoping for an easy solution, but maybe it is better for me to know that it can make things worse, as at least then I can be prepared. It just feels so terrifying and at times I am not sure whether it is worth it - maybe the numbness is OK, maybe it is possible to live ones life without having to contemplate relationships with others - for me it is easy to lose sight of the goal.

You will always have to live with yourself, and it is to your best interest to see that you have good company -- a clean, pure, straight, honest, upright, generous, magnanimous companion. ~Orison Swett Marden

A good relationship does not always take two.

In my DBT class, one series of classes was over Emotions. OMG... I had a horrible time with this class. There were pages and pages of emotions written down with definitions and all I could see was white paper, I went paper blind. I went to each class but I was soo numbed out of it, I didn't benefit from the 8 sessions. I was overwhelmed, too many emotions to deal with at one time.

I can't cry, if I cry then I identify that something catastrophic is occurring and that is frightening. So, I don't cry, I live in the land of numb.

Your suggestion to take one emotion with one memory is a good idea CSC. Since I only meet with my T every other month for 45 minutes, I have to do this on my own.... scary

Here is a worksheet that I wanted to share from DBT called:

Observing and Describing Emotions

1. Write down the emotion name and intensity (1-10)
2. Identify the Prompting Event (who, what, when, where) what started the emotion.
3. Interpretations (beliefs, assumptions, appraisals) of the situation
4. Body changes and sensing. What am I feeling in my body.
5. Body language. What is my facial expression, posture, gestures
6. Action urges. What do I feel like doing? What do I want to say?
7. What I said or did in the situation (be specific)
8. What after affect does the emotion have on me (my state of mind, other emotions, behavior, thoughts, memory, body, etc).

Then I go to my magazines and tear out pictures that resemble the emotion and paste them on a sheet of paper or whatever is available. I make a story or theme with that emotion as shown in the pictures to help identify it.

Some facts I learned:
1. Emotions are not facts, unless validated as an event to move you to safety.
2. Do not act upon the emotion, divert attention to something pleasant
3. Just observe the emotion, remember you are not the emotion
4. Emotions love emotions and will grow to secondary emotions
5. Do not judge the emotion or yourself for having emotion(s)
6. Do something opposite to the emotion
7. Remember you can think of only one thing at a time, so if you divert your attention to something opposite to the emotion you are feeling, you will be able to break the emotion you are stuck in.

I see, I need to go back to my drawing board and do this exercise.

Originally Posted by Can't Stop Crying

I have been there! One step at a time is all I can say. I started with a list of feelings I found in a book and read pages and pages of dictionary's to try to find what I was "supposed" to feel, all I knew was bad. Every time a feeling came up, it was just bad. I was scared too - that I would unleash a monster, that it would never stop, that it would make things worse. Identifying and feeling the feelings in therapy DOES make things worse temporarily, but eventually it starts to calm down. I don't know how it will be forever, right now I usually try to make one day, one memory, one feeling at a time. I am finding the things that I really have felt down to the core and done all the re-experiencing and painful processing are starting to lose their thunder. It's not easy and sometimes I am ready to throw in the towel, but every baby step I take gives me a tiny bit of hope that some day I will be free.

[objtrbit]

hiya;

Man, I looked at the chart of observing and describing emtions-the first one, naming them-I feel there should be ten steps just for that lolz!

When I started therapy, jealousy was a big one. Just saying that I still feel loads of guilt-but jealousy is a natural, if not a healthy emotion to identify something tat you feel you want if not deserve.

I'll use a personal example here too...

the first time I encounterd Jealousy in therapy was when I was in the waiting area for therapy, and my T spent longer with a client, it rolled into my time. At the time I just felt overwhelmed-I got kinda struck sometimes even with the idea that my T had other clients, which also used to make me feel ashamed (feeling ashamed for wishing I was the only client). So that feeling of being overwhelmed...I think it snowballs when you know you're upset but don't feel like you are "allowed" to be, (maybe that patient needed the extra time inorder to gather themselves together or something = so "I can't be angry" type of thing). Even then I didn't even know I was angry. I didn't even realize I had the option of telling my T that I felt something-upset-in some way.

My T talked to me in session about it-asked me how I felt. Lol, I said it was all gravy haha. Told him that I understood that the client might have needed the extra time. LOL my T was on it-he's all "but it must have upset you, maybe even made you feel abandoned that I didn't start your session on time because of another client?" I continued to deny it. Things always come up again sooner or later, and so the next issue was he had to cancel a session. Haha, he'd be all "you're mad at me" and I be all "nuh-uh!" The truth was I was afraid of the consequences of admitting all the "blah" of what I really felt. And when I did get to that point-"blah" was all it came out as...all I could do was cry (which actually makes me wonder if this problem was felt as an infant when I could not speak yet, or, "preverbal".) Then he would keep having to say "you're mad at me" I would go through the "denial-and-100-years-later-cry" cycle many times.

and then....one day...."you're mad at me" and I was able to reply-"I think I did feel abandoned, and it sucked because I had this sense like I didn't know what was gonna happen to me, or if I was still loved or if it changed the relationship in some bad or even different way...I didn't know what it meant for us" and then from there, we were able to discuss that all these feelings ressonated around being adopted, and this cluster**** with my dad favoring my brother when I was really little-actually, even as an adult.

Phew. So yeah, that was the process for me-I felt it, and then the therapist point out that what that feeling was was jealousy and anger.
And it's amazing what we recreate-like as a kid, I was angry with the client instead of my T, just like back then I got mad at my bro instead of my dad. lol. this stuff is a huge smoldering pile of bat**** I tell you! haha.

If your T does not prompt you in asking what you feel-the best thing to do is talk. Haha, or cry-crying is awesome and helps you get to that exact archaic feeling you had back then.

Good luck SD!
Take care,
-kayo

[SoupDragon]

Originally Posted by objtrbit

hiya;

the first time I encounterd Jealousy in therapy was when I was in the waiting area for therapy, and my T spent longer with a client, it rolled into my time. At the time I just felt overwhelmed-I got kinda struck sometimes even with the idea that my T had other clients, which also used to make me feel ashamed (feeling ashamed for wishing I was the only client). So that feeling of being overwhelmed...I think it snowballs when you know you're upset but don't feel like you are "allowed" to be, (maybe that patient needed the extra time inorder to gather themselves together or something = so "I can't be angry" type of thing). Even then I didn't even know I was angry. I didn't even realize I had the option of telling my T that I felt something-upset-in some way.

-kayo

I think this is such a great point and why CBT isn't always the greatest thing for everyone - it doesn't allow you to feel the feeling, explore the thought - instead you have to challenge it change it, when maybe it is just being interested in it that's important - not judging it, just being with it (have been learning some Mindfulness based CBT) - always easier said than done of course - me? I much prefer the theory stuff :-) but know actually that isn't going to get me anywhere - oh to be brave and let go off those defences - what is that really about for me...?