[beauflow]

So- I am sure many have felt this way at least one time in their lives-- to be singled out-- I guess for me it reminds me of being made an example of and to twist past emotions in with the present is what the deal-o is I suppose- Who knows though to be honest- perhaps I just don't appreciate to be made out to be a moron--

It shocks me that people keep saying to be mindful but yet they fail to use it even with the smallest things to which to be honest, I would think would be used just commonly.

And I know I am a hypocrite with that as well-- I can read things too fast and take parts to which I can leave things and not see the whole picture till later..

I know the solution to that is to slow down, and if I catch myself reading too fast into things to try to step back, take a break and go back and read things-- I do this at work a lot btw- so it is not only something I use here on PC.

Any ways- But still not have the feelings that incorporate with the whole thing-- it is hard- Makes me feel like poo even if I do re-read and find new meaning, and with other situations where it is not being mis-read-- to be honest then I can get angry; for I know what I experience at one time that another is telling me is not true-- I can not stand those situations and that just builds up emotions.

Now one thing I can do is depending on the person and depending on the situation and the whole story-- if it does not mean diddle squat really, I can say F it and leave it to that usually but I have that deep pain still that happened and some times that does not go away so fast-

Now if it is something that causes more issues for me down the road, well now--- I know that is "playing things out" but tbh you have to do that to be a planner and to do things in life- is to think ahead- I know some argue with that "think ahead"- but it is needed for planning and seeing patterns with some- you can tell what may happen== i will stress may- cuz you don't actually know- there are always different possibilities with this world-
But if it something of that sort than- yeah I try to calm down and find a common ground or try to figure out how to dispute what is being said-

I just don't understand -- this is what I don't understand - yeah Mindfulness sounds great but I am not one to preach about it- yet I find that some that do == don't do it all the time..... which then that upsets me a little--- which goes into a whole can of worms...

Yeah take some meds to slow down my reaction to this s h i t right- ok trying that- i know that takes time but really is that the answer here?

I feel in some ways people just don't want emotions, or that strong of emotions-- I am not sure if i totally agree right now-- emotions are needed- and ya know if something really offends you or hurts you weather intentional or not- (if it is then even MORE Reason for emotions) --your emotions are what alarm something to say it is not right (My t I think would agree with that- that is what she was telling me about anger)

But idk-- just bs some times-- i don't get it all the time and I guess right now I am just upset cuz someone just assumed something that I just was adding to- but I ofcourse am incorrect I guess--- it is rather upsetting--

But whatever- going to get off here finally and just go rest- it has been a way too stressful last half of the month and for a tiny pee thing to get me right now would be a shame-

Be well all and best wishes and sorry for my presents some times.

[unaluna]

I don't know what happened? But you know I think you're brave and awesome and a strong young voice on this site who is trying so hard and makes a major contribution. It is heartwarming and an honor to be allowed to witness your growth, i'm sure I am not the only one who feels lucky and grateful for your generous, intelligent, sincere and insightful sharing.

[beauflow]

I don't know what happened? But you know I think you're brave and awesome and a strong young voice on this site who is trying so hard and makes a major contribution. It is heartwarming and an honor to be allowed to witness your growth, i'm sure I am not the only one who feels lucky and grateful for your generous, intelligent, sincere and insightful sharing.

Thanks Hankster-- ya know what they say it is better to have handful of friends than a 100 acquaintances - so even if only one that enjoys my company here is better than none right

...........IDK what is up with me sometimes- I don't like these "rapid" swings or what ever this is-- -- and to take things so personally some times- I know it is all to be worked on-- and remembering to take that step back but it is so hard when in the moment of feeling....

I still was upset about this, this morning... I re-read some things and actually someone later had chimed in with a general comment of it, before the thread was closed- so that makes me feel a bit better- IDK I guess I just take things so awful wrong at times- It creates this beerier for me to "take action" if needed at times- this due to I have this little part in myself that says-- "Do you trust how you feel right now, or is this all emotions??" Just like when I get thoughts of people screwing me over and so on-- is this valid or just emotional in some way or something else with me- partially delusional or is it real?-- to question one self feels awful at times which then just adds into the whole thing-

I don't get it-- and yeah I started these meds-- they are to help with "the slow down" of my emotions-- I don't know if I like that right now---

And ya know after I read this post I made:

I feel in some ways people just don't want emotions, or that strong of emotions-- I am not sure if i totally agree right now-- emotions are needed-

I am all in there though a contradiction that is- There are times I wish to throw out my emotions, I go numb even at times to try to get rid of them-- and yet I know and want my emotions--

blah!

All to work on- and I guess need to "vent" in some ways-- but like my T told me last time I saw her-- It is "ok" to own the emotions, but don't let it stew over all day--

I think just the holiday stress, new year stress, and just stress and all--- I tend to let little things get to me or take things in wrong ways-- I am sorry for that.

[Unrigged64072835]

Hi beauflow--welcome to the fallibility of the human race. We don't always agree, we make assumptions, we jump to conclusions, we "do as we say and not as we do." It's not just you or me, it's everybody. And anyone who says they don't--well, they REALLY need to get their head examined.

I try really hard and take a lot of time to formulate a post here that I think relates to the OP (and from what I've seen from your posts, you do too), but I know at some point someone is going to jump my case just because they don't see it the way I do. We all have opinions, values, and beliefs that we "know" are right, and they sometimes collide.

I was about to write something about how situations drive thoughts which drive emotions, but it sounded preachy. And yeah, when you're in the thick of the feeling it is hard to stop and think, how the heck did *that* come about? But you're a work in progress and so is everybody else on this site. I sure want to hear about how you feel and what you think, because even though I've been in therapy for many years I still don't have all the answers and I can appreciate someone else's point of view. I can't remember who said it, but "we're all bozos on this bus."

I hope you have time to de-stress and post again soon.

[Perna]

Originally Posted by beauflow

Do you trust how you feel right now, or is this all emotions?

Hi, beauflow. The way I help myself through this minefield is to treat feelings and emotions as the same and to accept them as information for myself, only. I think it can be easy for me to become confused between emotions, especially anger, and action. But when I remember that what I feel is just information to let me know what is going on with me and to help me decide what I want to do, instead of the command to go and do, that slows me down and lets me assess the situation a bit more.

If you come up on a sign that says, "Bridge Out" that is information. You know you have to turn around and find another way over the gulf or river. You might also realize that you are angry because you forgot the bridge was out, it has been out for six months and those idiots at public works have done nothing to fix it and now you are going to be late because you have to turn around and retrace your drive and find another route! It's okay to be angry at the public work people but that does not mean you have to take up the problem with them right now! Right now you want to heed the immediate information, the sign, and be grateful it is there so you didn't go off a cliff and think about how you plan to get around the gap.

"That ba*t#rd let his dogs loose over my property and hurt the ponies" is an angry feeling. It is also information. The fences and "no trespassing" signs may not be adequate; and, I currently do not like, respect, or trust my neighbor, being a couple of good pieces of information to have. Your neighbors are a "Bridge Out" sign for you about him, he's a gap. So, first you have to make sure he can do no more damage to you, your property and animals, and then you have to see about what legal means you might have to get him to pay for the damage he caused.

But the action taken from the information helps make the feelings not "necessary" anymore because it doesn't matter if he's a ba*t#rd anymore, you have made it so he can't hurt you in the future and you're fixing to use what evidence you have to make him pay for the hurt in the past; instead of feeling so angry and helpless that your property and animals have been hurt, you feel good because you fixed those problems so they cannot happen again. You have "moved on" in a sense.

If you do not have any evidence, the work or action fixing your problems (making your property secure against trespassers again) might turn something up; maybe as you are working on the fences you find evidence of a vehicle that drove through that is not your neighbor's and so maybe the dogs accidentally got onto your property. You can still feel angry that he does not control his animals better, lets them run loose and you can feel that way even if your county does not have a leash law! You just can't do anything legally against him if it does not have a leash law, that next step would be to go before the county commissioners and petition for a leash law, or to get police out about the vehicle that crashed into and broke your fence perhaps.

The best thing I have found for difficult feelings is to treat them as information and to be glad I have that information. Then I can use it to see what direction, what action I want to pursue next, to help myself and my situation.

[beauflow]

Fharraige Thank you some much for your words- they make me smile each time i read this thread; It is cuz you are hitting a lot right on the head that i need to remind myself and that I agree with-- I need to just remember humans are humans- and we are all work in progress right

Perna - that is an awesome view for it all-- It is all information- it is just hard at times to I guess see it that way in the moment at times-- in the moment is to be worked on as well--

Thank you all for the support- I do appreciate it and yeah I got over it for the most part