[Adelissa]

I have a problem, I loved my mother a lot, but she died a year ago, and I am having trouble developing close relationships. I just can't seem to care about people enough and it is troubling because it makes me sound like a bad person. I can empathize and even cry over people's troubles on TV but I feel numb in real life. I suppose it is part of the depression but I can't seem to cry or feel anything except for poor pitiful me. I don't want to be the pity party girl, I want to give more than I take. But I don't feel loved, maybe that is part of the problem. If I felt like someone loved me maybe I could reciprocate. Anyone else have this problem?

[Gilead]

Originally Posted by Adelissa

I have a problem, I loved my mother a lot, but she died a year ago, and I am having trouble developing close relationships. I just can't seem to care about people enough and it is troubling because it makes me sound like a bad person. I can empathize and even cry over people's troubles on TV but I feel numb in real life. I suppose it is part of the depression but I can't seem to cry or feel anything except for poor pitiful me. I don't want to be the pity party girl, I want to give more than I take. But I don't feel loved, maybe that is part of the problem. If I felt like someone loved me maybe I could reciprocate. Anyone else have this problem?

From the thread title I thought you had figured it out, but I guess not.

Yes, I have the same problem. Sometimes I dislike the entire world because I think they all dislike me. At other times I feel differently but never loved - tolerated, used and occassionally pitied (especially around the holidays) but never loved. I think at this point I've thrown in the towel on relationships - never had one that worked (I take full responsibility for it) so there is really no reason to believe that I could have one now.

Adelissa, I do hope you can find it and I'm very sorry for your mothers passing.

[Perna]

You are probably still grieving your mother; when we love someone we "invest" a part of ourselves in them and when the relationship ends, we grieve, which is time and energy spend getting some of that investment of ourselves back into ourselves so we are more whole again.

Maybe you could go volunteer somewhere and just gently get to know others and their needs and get to know some people with similar goals, coworkers, and listen to them and share some of yourself and your pain a bit, gradually get back into the swing of life? TV can't give back.

[tohelpafriend]

I'm sorry you lost your mother, but it is a wonderful memory that you had a close relationship. Mine died almost 4 years ago, but we were never close...I thought that was my attachment problem. I think from what you wrote, that it is the depression which can block the feeling of love or wanting to love. Grief support chat here at PC has helped me. Best for the New Year!

[Adelissa]

well I do love my cat and I think she loves me... lol

[needfixing]

so sorry for your loss (((hugs)))
i am no doctor, but i think your afraid to love again in fear you might lose that person.
your still grieving, there is no rush.
glad you found pc to share with us.

[Open Eyes]

((((Andelisa)))))

You have a lot on your plate, the loss of your mother and your taking care of your father and brother and a niece that is autistic. You basically stepped into your mothers shoes and as I mentioned in another thread, your sister doesn't want to help at all. Your sister wants her life and thats it.

Ofcourse you feel unloved, your the giver, the doer and your drained and probably not appreciated. And lets face it your life is full of disabled people, you need to find a way to time out for you dear one. Your in California, I am not familiar where that is in CA but are you in a warm place at least? Can you find a way to take mini trips and be someplace by the water and get some rest away from the daily task of being caregiver?

((((Hugs))))

Open Eyes

[Adelissa]

we went on our first family vacation in years right before I wound up in the psych hospital, probably because I couldn't handle the return to reality. I live 2 hours away from the beach but I am not really a beach person and it has been getting in the low 30s at night so not sunny California per se. As I said in another post I get out a lot but it isn't fun outings it is like go to the therapist go to the doctor go to the oncologist go to the bank go to the grocery store take brother to the doctor etc. I am a homebody even when I am not depressed and am happy, but I am working on friendship building and am going to mention this to my therapist as a main goal right now.