[xjekkax]

I am sooo bad a dealing with my emotions. The most recent therapist said i should journal. I have been sometimes But i find myself censoring a journal that only i read. Is that weird? How many people really censor something no one else is ever even going to care to read? and will never find. I find myself omitting things that happened. Maybe they are just to painful to deal with and I don't feel like working thru them yet. But i don't know if i can ever admit to somethings that happen.

[Leed]

I've done that before too -- censoring my own journal. LOL I think you were right when you said that you may just not want to deal with it right now. That's the way I've felt when it has happened. I can always write about it later, because THOSE things I don't seem to forget. LOL I always do "go back" and eventually write about those things -- and sometimes they're painful and sometimes it's not as bad as I thought it was going to be. It's ok to wait until a later time to deal with it.

Just make sure you don't sweep it under the rug and NEVER bring it out in the open. Those things fester and make you sick if you don't "air them out." There's a saying "We're only as sick as our secrets." And it's SO true!

After you've looked at the issues, you then can discuss them with your therapist -- and believe me, they've heard worse things. LOL God bless & take care. Hugs, Lee

[Perna]

I started journaling after using Julia Cameron's book, An Artist's Way. She has you do "morning pages" where you just dump everything out on three pieces of paper every morning, nonstop, fast as you can, no rhyme or reason. It gets you more flowing and non-censoring and eventually you realize you are saying things to yourself that are important and useful. I moved on from there to journaling -- I was having so many insights I started dating the entries (you don't for morning pages) and keeping track of a few things like days I had sessions versus dreams I was recording, etc. It got to be a really really great therapy help.

[xjekkax]

i have such a weird time schedule morning journals wouldn't quite work. I'm the person that wakes up 45 minutes before work, and barely makes it on time half of the time.( i live far away from my job) i have been journaling since july tho. i should be able to past the point of that. idk journaling has never helped me control my emotions even when i was younger.

[ECHOES]

I do that too. All we can do is be aware of it, then realize we don't have to censor. We are 'allowed' to be who we are, fully and completely.

One reason we do that is that we don't want to 'look at' ourselves, admit our motives, write down something that might make us 'look bad'. It is the same kind of censoring that can happen in therapy too.

Like in therapy, journal censoring can get better with practice. You might want to keep it short, or limit the time you write each time. (I find the longer I write the more I want to censor or embellish). You might want to just write down "X" happened and my reaction/response was "Y", to get started.

Or maybe your therapist has some helpful idea ?

[xjekkax]

Originally Posted by ECHOES

I do that too. All we can do is be aware of it, then realize we don't have to censor. We are 'allowed' to be who we are, fully and completely.

One reason we do that is that we don't want to 'look at' ourselves, admit our motives, write down something that might make us 'look bad'. It is the same kind of censoring that can happen in therapy too.

Like in therapy, journal censoring can get better with practice. You might want to keep it short, or limit the time you write each time. (I find the longer I write the more I want to censor or embellish). You might want to just write down "X" happened and my reaction/response was "Y", to get started.

Or maybe your therapist has some helpful idea ?

i don't go to therapy anymore. she called me an alcoholic because i like to go out and drink with my friends on the weekend. i stopped going. she made me feel worse about myself but acted as if she was helping. she did more talking in the sessions then i did. and if she didn't want to talk about something she would change the subject

[ECHOES]

She is only one of many, many therapists out there. I'm sorry you had that experiences. Maybe someday you might decide to try someone else?

[Crew]

Hey a "journal group" will be starting in the New Year.... Not to learn what you wrote but to give you many options in being able to write about some horrific memories or pain etc... The journal group will be centered around ideas coming from what works for you or me etc.. and help each other get unstuck. I hope that ever one who reads this would consider having coming.

I wish you safety and I wish you love and I wish you comfort.

and a Big Nice Big dancing

cause things change when we all look at stuff differently, ya know.

aboard Crew

[bluemountains]

Originally Posted by xjekkax

i don't go to therapy anymore. she called me an alcoholic because i like to go out and drink with my friends on the weekend. i stopped going. she made me feel worse about myself but acted as if she was helping. she did more talking in the sessions then i did. and if she didn't want to talk about something she would change the subject

Wow, I don't blame you for not going back! There are better trained therapists around. My t always backs off when she realizes she is pushing too hard. Usually I will send an email asking to change the "homework" she has assigned because I can't do it, and her reply is always "No problem!" We then deal with my reluctance in the next session. Oddly enough, I usually do the homework anyway, but I guess I just want to do it on my terms.
bluemountains

[xjekkax]

Originally Posted by bluemountains

Wow, I don't blame you for not going back! There are better trained therapists around. My t always backs off when she realizes she is pushing too hard. Usually I will send an email asking to change the "homework" she has assigned because I can't do it, and her reply is always "No problem!" We then deal with my reluctance in the next session. Oddly enough, I usually do the homework anyway, but I guess I just want to do it on my terms.
bluemountains

I'm really upset because she said i just needed to leanr how to cope with my aniexty bc i useed to be a drug addict. i have been clean 2 years. I actually just got diagnosed with bipolar soo i'm pretty pissed when i told her i didn't feel right she should have believed me. she kind of was like well you just want a label. i think im goin gto email her and say well don't think i want this label, im bipolar. like every therapist ecept one that i went to was crazy. i loved my one but she is in ny and i moved far away

[beauflow]

i am sorry you have went through some troubles with finding a right t fit for you that is around.
on the first post, censoring journals. i do that a lot too. as i tend to write more, i have over the years actually started writing , ''ok i am not telling it all'' or even straight at it ''i'm censoring''.
like others have wrote its good to acknowledge... and try to break from.
is there any factors on censoring? like fear another may read or something? if so maybe a locked for your thoughts or a stash place. best wishes

[elenalovesthestars]

Originally Posted by xjekkax

I am sooo bad a dealing with my emotions. The most recent therapist said i should journal. I have been sometimes But i find myself censoring a journal that only i read. Is that weird? How many people really censor something no one else is ever even going to care to read? and will never find. I find myself omitting things that happened.

not weird at all. i find it hard to keep a journal (well one that isn't blank..i've bought many notebooks in the hope of making a new start, and now all i have are a bunch of blank books!)

i censor my journal writings 1. because i'm paranoid someone else might read it and think badly of me and 2. because i'm a perfectionist 3. it's so hard to be truthful with myself about my emotions. most of the time i dont really understand what i'm feeling or why, so it's that much harder to put what i'm feeling into words if i can't understand what i'm feeling in the first place.

Maybe they are just to painful to deal with and I don't feel like working thru them yet. But i don't know if i can ever admit to somethings that happen.

this. this is another reason why journaling doesn't really work for me. i'm a visual and auditory learner. i learn and express things easily through hearing and seeing the world around me...writing can be good when you're ready to physically write down your emotions and see the words and come to a concrete realization about your feelings. sometimes (in my experience) i just can't find the words myself. when that happens, i usually draw, or paint, but what really helps me is singing and playing my guitar/piano. if i'm feeling sad but am not sure what's causing those feelings, i just play/sing a sad song and that helps me feel my emotions..its hard for me to assess and write down my feelings if i don't fully feel them first. hope that helps el