Huge Self-Esteem Issue > In Desperate Need of a Solution

My problem is (I think) pretty simple .
I have a HUGE self-esteem issue, and I try my best to take care of it . But I don't know how .
The only times when I feel in control and ready to speak my mind, and when I don't care about what other people think, is when I'm angry .
Anger brings out a ruthless side of me that stops at nothing .. Then, I leave no room for "No" .

I just wish I could be that at all times, like find a trigger or something .. Because I'm really tired of being shy, losing my words at every confrontation (even when I'm right or innocent), hesitating, panicking when I'm the center of attention, and even being unable to defend myself physically/verbally and fight for what I really care about .

Any tips or suggestions ? It's killing me ..

I've been feeling the same way, lately, although this never used to be the case. I hate this diagnosis and what has happened to me. I feel like my life is over.
((((hugs)))))

Adisdum hi, I think first of all self esteems is bandied about a lot. After I read a little information concerning this; it might help you think in the terms of self respect. Write down what attributes you would like to own as a person. Set it up to be what you wish for your self image and the way you want to appear to people/to self...then keep it and read it over and over again often. As they say, fake it till you make it!

Do you feel you have anger issues, or more of plain old frustration? There is some differences there. If you get angry often, do you know why? If it's truly anger, that does need to be dealt with and especially if is impromptu and you are not controlling it.

Take care, bj

Thank you BJ for your answer !
Actually, I wish I could have more often the feeling I get when I'm angry ! I feel like I deserve for things to go my way, and I don't let anything get to me !
But when I'm not angry, I can't find that feeling back !

But thank you for the tip, I'll use it ! ^^

Sometimes you can mistake a feeling or get use to what you think must be attached to that certain feeling e.g. anger. Example someone invalidates you feel angry just imagine you might get these feelings chest get tight, you tense up, your thoughts start raising and you know they are wrong and it's made you feel something. Well you would still get these feelings but it might not be anger it could be because you want to confront that person and it's a way of your body getting you ready to go about confronting that person. You may want to look up assertiveness meanings I got a sheet from T. Next time you find yourself angry and able to confront that person stop and try to calm down and use an assertive approach then that way you can get used to being able to speak your mind without the need of your body letting you know something not right/reacting out of that feeling. This takes time and a lot of brain power but little steps and slowing changing the way in which you react or confront a person can make a lot of difference. Sorry if this was not what you were looking for or an answer. Wish you all the best

More an observation, really; I noticed that you used the words "confrontation"; "defend myself" and "fight." Are you really shy or just living in a hostile war zone? I refuse to fight with people and walk away when I sense that is what the person is looking for; I avoid needless confrontation when another method of problem resolution will work. There are practical ways of becoming a better public speaker: taking a speech class or a drama class, participating in Toastmasters, reading about how to improve your self-esteem, reading about how to make friends and influence people. While knowing how to defend oneself and helpless others is a valuable tool, knowing how to get along peacefully with others is an even more valuable tool, and I would encourage you to make efforts in a peaceful direction.

Thank you all for your inputs !
I hate this fear I feel everytime I'm outside my comfort zone .. So I guess my first reflexe is feeling threatened and think of defense and fighting ..
I'm not a violent person, I promise I think I just gave the wrong impression ! lol