Bottled up and ready to cry.

Ever feel like crying for absolutely no reason?
I work third shift and while sleeping today [my only 7-8 hours I have time for] I woke up every single hour on the hour. Then my cat woke me up 30 minutes before my alarm is supposed to go off nudging me in the face with a wet nose because she decided it was attention time. I was fine though.. until I started going through the everyday routine of trying to figure what the hell to make the family for dinner. Must be according to diet, but nutritious and filling. All I have to work with is a pound of chopmeat. Found a delicious recipe in my cookbook... no eggs. Maybe shepard's pie.. no corn. Maybe hamburgers.. no buns or tomatoes. Everything I thought of had something missing. Because I didn't plan this week's meals out like I usually do. I don't live close enough to the store to get ingredients and cook the meal and take a shower and pack my lunch and have time to eat in the hour and half I have left before having to get in the car and drive an hour to work. To work for twelve hours from 7p to 7a. For the third night in a row. Now dread is coming over me as I realize I still have two more nights left. I hate planning meals. I hate missing ingredients. I hate being hungry with no clue what to eat. I hate being the only person that has the sense to pre-think these things but one week I let it slip. I hate work. hate working 4 nights in a row. At this point I am pissed and hating everything. I called my fiance on the phone and *****ed about dinner. He came home and made hamburger helper while I was taking a shower. Nice of him though... at least we had dinner on time. But... while he was standing in the kitchen.. I was ready to let my bottled up feelings out. And the poor guy is just standing there... in my head.. waiting for it. SO I unloaded on hm, got mad at him, blamed him for being too involved in his job to help me keep track of little details. I am overwhelmed, etc, etc.
This happens once a month. It really does. I handle stress well [up until now because I know I can't drink anymore though] but once a month I take one day and put it all on his shoulders. [not intentionally... it just HAPPENS] Then a few hours later after being at work or during my one hour drive I call him up and apologize for being cranky. He says 'I know' because he is used to it. He expects it now, because that is how many times I have done it. I take it out on him then feel bad an hour later.
Right now I am stuck at work 7 more hours. Then 12 more hours tomorrow. I want a break. I want space. I want to relax. I want to be alone. I want out of this ****ing job. I want a god damn beer for $#@! sake.
It could be the Maxalt talking I took for a migraine an hour ago, but I honestly just want to cry right now. In fact I have been holding tears back and every few minutes my eyes water up and are ready to explode.
Now I have dumped on the PC community.. can someone please just slap me out of this? Or can someone please tell me they have times like this??

I've tried to not cry a few times and found that it helps to just not bottle it up or things get worse. I guess the energy that builds up from keeping emotions at bay could eventually turn into anger for some.

Having to do all the small things for people and helping is something I have stopped doing but want to take part a bit more now. I know it is very annoying having a routine in which if one thing is missed – everything else can fail or is harder to do as well.

Perhaps the occasional argument is good, as people then know where they stand and as for crying I see that as a good thing too. I hope things get better for you and perhaps work may even let you have a much needed holiday.

Yes, yes, yes & yes!!
Cry for no reason, hated working 12hr shifts with hardly any sleep, couldn't put a meal together, unload on husband (he isn't as patient now...). Can't drink because of meds, miss the occasional cocktail, have never smoked.
When worked 12hr shifts, raising my son, I craved alone time & rarely got any.
You are not alone, there are many of us on here who are or have been in your situation.
Say you are working on 3 issues? Think you'd feel any better tackling one at a time? Said you'd quit drinking, maybe just work on that one for now?
You do have alot on your plate, I will keep you in my thoughts.
Take care, be kind to yourself.

Aw, thank you so much.
I am so determined when I get an idea in my head I have to see it happen and wont rest until I do. It is the darn generation-Y curse. Focusing on dieting and getting fit is my way of coping with the withdrawals from not drinking. I have officially decided that if anyone were to ask me to quit smoking through out all of this I would tell them where to go and it wont be pretty. So not quitting my Camel Lights any time soon, lol! It is weirdly comforting knowing I still have that one naughty thing to hold onto.

I don't think it's weird or naughty at all. One can only stand so much at a time.

I should have said guilty pleasure

I do cry for no reson but this time my grandad dies a copuole of months ago and i just cant get my head around it! it makes me sas i wish he was here but he is not

Aww, I am sorry to hear that CookieMonster. My grandmother died five years ago and I still think about her and miss her every single day. Death of a loved one is just not easy, there is no way around it. I have to smile when I think of her, it is the only way through it.

(((((ladyjane)))),
I understand the pressure build up and needing to release frustration, I think we all do it unintentionally. However I was thinking about how you do it in cycles and I am wondering if your menstral cycle has something to do with the blow ups as well as the need to cry and feeling low. Maybe you need to monitor that as well, maybe you can take something designed to aide with PMS cycles. What do you think?

Open Eyes

It is hard to tell, I have an IUD and haven't had my period in 4 years.

Oh, I think you should see your gyno and also have a blood test to check your estrogen levels. Birth control is convenient but it DOES interupt our natural chemicals that go into how we feel overall. Though you may not be flowing once a month, well, this could be interferring with your cycle and maybe once a month your body still struggles with the way it is naturally programed to cleanse the womb and go through that whole cycle. Four years is a long time, maybe your body needs to be able to do what comes natural.

Open Eyes

I find that a good cry helps quite a bit. I don't like doing that infront of a big group, though. (Peer Group Meetings) We can vent at those meetings which is good. Are there any in your area for you to attend?