[thefascinatedone]

Note: This post is not organized. Ill be posting things as and when they pop in my mind. There is no particular order.

So, to begin with, I don't really need help, I just need advice and opinions.

Let me start with things I think describe me - introvert, narcissist, funny, over thinker, compulsive liar.

Narcissist because I mostly think that I am more mature than the people around me when it comes to understanding life and relationships.
Compulsive liar because I feel the need to tell white lies all the time in order to avoid arguments and drama. My lies have never harmed/hurt anyone. All they have done is avoid nonsense arguments and drama.
Over thinker because I keep thinking about all the below-listed feelings, one leads to another. I continuously wonder the whats and whys of all these things

I have parental issues, which is something that almost every teenager has nowadays, nothing new in it. My dad is a big time narcissist & a complete hypocrite. I wouldn't like to go into the details, at least not as of now.

I have built a shield to look 'normal'. I maintain relationships with people as needed and have quite a few friends as well with whom I hang out a lot and have fun. But, none of them are true friends. They are just people who I interact with on an almost daily to prevent from being a complete loner.

I like girls but I just don't like all the 'girlfriend' hype. I'm close to a girl and I do like her. It's gotten to a point where I want us to be more than friends but I'm too scared to name it a 'relationship'. And the bummer is that girl is not going to get a boyfriend anytime soon either. So, even if I do tell her my feelings, she will DEFINITELY say that she cant get into a relationship right now and it will probably affect the friendship we have now as well. Oh, and yes, I get a bit jealous when I see her dancing or being more close with some other guy or even being teased with someone by my other friends. Also, I don't see what would be the outcome of telling a girl that I like her when I know for sure that she won't get into a relationship anytime in the next two years?
Plus, as I said, I'm not sure if what I want is a relationship too. I'm just scared of getting into a 'relationships'. They are just too many expectations and formalities from what I've seen.

I never have and probably never will tell anyone in real life what I just said above. Maybe I'm afraid to get judged, maybe I'm afraid that people will not understand me properly or treat me very differently once they come to know all these.

I'm not some extremely depressed guy even though that's what it might look like from the above paragraphs. I have no suicidal tendencies whatsoever. I know I've a few pros as well. But, these cons aka these complexities are a cause of worry for me. I can't stop thinking about all these things nowadays.

So, these are the different 'complexities' of my life. What do you think? Feel free to comment.

[Leed]

Hi ~ I don't think I'd call you a "compulsive liar" because you tell these so-called "fibs" in order to keep peace. I think we all do that at times. No one wants to get involved in drama or confrontations. I avoid them at ALL COSTS! So if that means I'm a compulsive liar, so be it.

Narcissist? I'm not sure you know the complete meaning of the word. A narcissism is self-love; excessive interest in one's own appearance, comfort, importance & abilities, etc. From the way you talk it doesn't appear that that's YOU.

As for the girl, why do you have to tell her about having a relationship? Why not just let things happen? Perhaps like when you're together somewhere, just take her hand when you're walking and hold hands? At least she'll know how you feel -- perhaps she feels the same? You'll never know unless you try. And it doesn't mean you're asking her to marry you. LOL

Life is a gamble. You have to take risks in everything you do. If you don't you'll never get anywhere. So jump in with both feet -- it can be exciting!

I wish you the best!! Let us know what happen, ok? God bless & take care. Hugs, Lee

[thefascinatedone]

Thanks for your reply.

--

Well, I'm not really a narcissist in that sense. I was aware of the actual meaning. But, I couldn't think of a better word to describe what I wanted to say.

As for the girl, why do you have to tell her about having a relationship? Why not just let things happen? Perhaps like when you're together somewhere, just take her hand when you're walking and hold hands? At least she'll know how you feel -- perhaps she feels the same? You'll never know unless you try. And it doesn't mean you're asking her to marry you. LOL

Definitely gonna try holding hands the next time I meet her. And let things happen as in how? What would be the outcome of telling her that I like her? And I'm almost 90% certain that she doesn't feel the same way as I'm probably friend-zoned.

[Open Eyes]

Leed has a lot of good points here. She always has good advice.

But when it comes to labeling anyone with narcissist, you have to be very careful.
First of all everyone has some narcissist tendencies to begin with. And so it can get confusing to make a clear cut diagnosis of a true narcissist. And that is a catch label used by many to discribe someone who many be strong or outgoing and could even seem a little self aborbed. Someone who is self absorbed could come from a lot of other problems they deal with and have nothing to do with narcissism.

I had to read about what it meant myself. And I have to say I did meet one and spent a good amount of time with him not truely realizing what he was but I had neve met anyone like him before.

He is a horse trainer and also trains riders and competes. He was obcessed with sex and seemed to need to talk about is and even had no inhibitions about asking very private questions either. His main goal was to win and when he did he made sure to rub everyone elses nose in it to a point where I was so completely embarrassed. He proclaimed he loved his children but as time went on his recognition of them were only in how he used them to either get what HE wanted or if they pleased him in some way. He truely didn't consider THEIR FEELINGS AND NEEDS. And he made it a point every day to read the obituaries to see who died in case he might know them and maybe they left him money, I never met anyone who did that.

To him vengence was a priority and he remembered anyone who somehow did better than him, disagreed with him, had more social standing then him, would not date him and he would make every attempt he could at finding ways to get back at them in a very obcessive way.

Everywhere we went he would need to show off what his horses could do, even it it risked the horses health in the warm up ring. He needed to have others turn and admire him in some way to feel happy. And if he wasn't doing that he was trying to impress the wealthy somehow to see if he could obtain them as clients. And if he couldn't he would make it his goal to try to find ways to beat them in competitions no matter what. He would convince his riders that the goal was, beat so and so or else.
And if he did, he would laugh and laugh with great pleasure and make sure he could place himself in earshot of that person and gloat loudly over his wins and how HE HAD ALL THE WINNERS.

As far as the students he had in his barn, he didn't like the parents to get friendly with each other, oh no that would jeapordize his control so he would plant seeds of lies to create them to doubt each other. The adoration that took place had to all be focused on him.

And if he felt in his mind that something was jeopardizing his power, well what he did with me is come to me and ask me if I said things that never even had ever crossed my mind. It was all about HIS STRANGE NEED FOR SOME KIND OF LOYALTY.

And if he lost or didn't get his way? Oh he would turn bright red and stomp off like a child, it was quite a display.

So those are a few of some of the qualities I saw and there were many more that never ceased to amaze me. And he never ceased with his grandious ideas either.

Now, if someone is wise and decides not to hang out in certain groups that are caddy and soap opera like. That doesn't mean they are narcissists. Narcissists are BIG TIME USERS who befriend people to add to their list of those that have things they can use instead of buying those things on their own. They are very cunning I must say sometimes.

So be careful about labeling people with this as well as labeling yourself too. And they have very little, if any empathy for others. Their empathy has a price tag on it.

Open Eyes

[thefascinatedone]

Thanks for your reply, Open Eyes.

@Leed - Could you possibly address the points I addressed in my previous post towards your reply. I would deeply appreciate it.

I think ''a bit of a superiority complex'' is more suitable than ''narcissist'' here.

[Leed]

I'm sorry I didn't get back to this -- had a death in the family and I got side tracked.

What would be the outcome if you told her you liked her? Well, maybe nothing. Or she might say something like "I don't feel the same way." By just letting things happen, it gives you a chance to show her how great you really are -- how kind, gentle, caring, etc., you are. Sometimes people think they don't feel a certain way and then later find out they really DO. Sometimes we have to "grow" on people! LOL Spend more time with her and see where it takes you. It's sure worth a try! Hugs, Lee