Ok so it's not personal. But why do certain women just try to walk all over me at the office? It's like no matter where I go, there is my mother

And no matter what I say or how I say it, they still ignore my repeated requests. How am I not supposed to take it personally when they are directing their **** to me.

They are making my job a million times harder than it has to be and I am so fed up I want to scream.

I honestly do not know how to manage this. I've tried everything.

[Crew]

Hey I am sorry that is happening to you Rose Panach'een I'm Crew may I call you Rose P or Rose?

I am just putting some thoughts out there for you to think about cause I'm thinking what do I know..... so sometimes people can pick up that you may have a self-esteem problem and instead of trying to show you don't have a self esteem problem, which you may not but that could be one of the reasons people are walking all over you is that you allow them to. Maybe stand up for yourself and maybe even show you don't need that "group." of those people anymore.
Maybe even treat them the way you feel your being treated. People aren't dumb nor do I think your dumb. Meaning I think they would get "your drift." pretty fastly.

I would be interested if you could keep me and maybe others up to date of how it is going on this THREAD you started, could you?
**Please know the things I suggested are ONLY ideas and not in any way shape or form do I feel you don't have high esteem.

:Goodluck: Crew

[Open Eyes]

Well, it sounds like these women don't respect you Rose. Without knowing the specifics of what kind of situations are taking place, it is hard for me to say what their deal is. It could be due to their self esteem issues, maybe they consider you a threat in some way. I remember another time when you were addressed as if the other person felt you thought you were a know it all, above all others, when you were quiet and the opposite of what that person thought. It is obvious that it was the other person who had the problem and not you.

Is this a click of women that hang together? Are you supposed to be their boss?
It is obvious that they are reading you wrong as well, like I said before.

Wow, you are going to have to think grapes a lot here.

If it was me, I might take one at a time out to lunch and get to the bottom of this and see if I could get some better attitudes going instead of the way these women are assuming you are something that you are not.

You can PM me if you want to talk more in depth. I have been no stranger to being misunderstood myself.

(((Hugs)))
Open Eyes

I couldn't sleep last night and replied at 2:30AM pacific - straight from the heart - and lost my entire reply Meh. (OE, I forgot to click the little button to remember me)

First, thank you for such kind, thoughtful responses. And especially encouraging me to share in my journey. I really appreciate that!

Hi ((((Crew))))! my self esteem was non-existent. It is now low (which is an improvement!). I have really been working really hard with my T.

I do think people take advantage, and in the past, that has definitely been the case; however, in this case, I am a little wiser, with a little more self-esteem, in a higher position...

...it's just a couple of really rude, rogue Alpha women with no sense of common sense, etiquette or manners. They were never taught teamwork and that is what our firm is all about. I have nooo idea how they made it into this office, but if they continue, I doubt it will be for long if they keep it up.

They are completely out for themselves and don't care about how their actions affect others. Also they are very sneaky and manipulative. UGH! The worst.

Unfortunately, I am seeing, too, one of them isn't the brightest bulb in the box (sad but true). They just came onboard to the office recently: the main instigator is less-than-bright-gal's supervisor, so birds of a feather...

I would LOVE to treat them the way they are treating me but I just cannot sink that low. I know that sounds weird but I don't have it in me to do some of the horrible things they are doing

For instance, I realized last night (reason for no sleep) one of them charmed the head of IT to give them access to my computer, and they were manipulating my office calendar! I kid you not!

(I caught it though and have been dealing with it all day).

Not the smartest thing to do. At this point, I think it's just a matter of giving them enough rope...etc etc.

I also have been asserting myself more at the office in general and some of the other "users" and "troublemakers" are NOT liking it. They were the ones that encouraged me to stand up for myself, and now that I am, they aren't liking it very much They are brooding and pouting and sort of ignoring me. Which is fine.

((((OE)))) my Wise PC Friend I think they are just jockeying for "position" with me, because for some reason they feel as if they need to out-do, out-shine, out-whatever me.

And frankly, I just don't care. They can shine all they want. I welcome it. Truly. I want them to do well. But for some reason, they fight me on every single thing. It's like dealing with 3 year olds constantly.

I just continue to not take the bait (although it KILLS me inside and some days are definitely worse than others). I mean, I get so exhausted and down, I automatically default to SI (which is not good at all). But working with it with T! And staying safe.

No matter what they do, they cannot run me out of town. I do have seniority over them, as well. But I choose to not "use" that unless it gets really nasty. The computer thing DID go over the line and they both know they are in the doghouse right now and are being watched (along with the charmed IT guy). It's unfortunate they are being much more cooperative since they realize they were "caught".

I just am trying to go about my business and paint the town completely grape PURPLE!

I am so tired.

[Open Eyes]

Well, it sure sounds like you are getting a workout Rose. But you have to find ways to pull up your purple pants and get a nice tight purple belt to keep those pants up.

Rose, just keep telling yourself, "I AM EVOLVING, SO WATCH OUT". Your were tested and you are too smart for them. YES, they are like little children sadly and will test you just like little children. While I understand this is tiring, you are on the ball Rose. I am glad to hear your therapist is working with you, it sounds like you ARE making progress.

You should keep a diary, a daily diary of your own so you can write down the things that these people try along with the dates. If you ever have to report them or anything you will have a very accurate accounting of their misbehaviors. Even if some people talk about grapes, there is absoultely NO harm in paying attention to the crew and how they may be causing the ship to stray off course.

(((Hugs))))
Open Eyes

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

Well, it sure sounds like you are getting a workout Rose. But you have to find ways to pull up your purple pants and get a nice tight purple belt to keep those pants up.

Rose, just keep telling yourself, "I AM EVOLVING, SO WATCH OUT". Your were tested and you are too smart for them. YES, they are like little children sadly and will test you just like little children. While I understand this is tiring, you are on the ball Rose. I am glad to hear your therapist is working with you, it sounds like you ARE making progress.

You should keep a diary, a daily diary of your own so you can write down the things that these people try along with the dates. If you ever have to report them or anything you will have a very accurate accounting of their misbehaviors. Even if some people talk about grapes, there is absoultely NO harm in paying attention to the crew and how they may be causing the ship to stray off course.

(((Hugs))))
Open Eyes

Thank you! I keep a daily journal / worksheet that my T gave me. Everything has been documented to the "t" since it started... identifying my feelings, automatic thinking, trying to replace a neg with a pos, etc. = multi-tasking xx

[sconnie892]

Hi Rose,
I normally don't post on this forum, but read your thread and it struck a chord with me. I am sorry you're having to deal with this at work.

I agree with everyone who's suggested keeping the journal - and keep the documentation off-site. There have been times I've documented issues with co-workers and one time with a supervisor. I not only wrote down what happened but what my reaction was to the situation. (In other words, what did I do in reply to the actions of the co-worker.) In one instance it saved my job. I had a co-worker throw me under the bus. She had purposely given me incorrect instructions and then told the boss I didn't know what I was doing. Unfortunately for her she had emailed the instructions and I had saved that email. When I told the boss I could show her the email the whole issue was dropped immediately.

I really hate documenting. I always feel guilty doing it. But it can be very important.

[Perna]

Originally Posted by Rose Panachée

For instance, I realized last night (reason for no sleep) one of them charmed the head of IT to give them access to my computer, and they were manipulating my office calendar! I kid you not!

(I caught it though and have been dealing with it all day).

I had a woman, my nominal boss, who was like that but as irritating as she was, I felt a little sorry for her (because I had the opinion she couldn't get past me :-) We had software that I could check and which I understood better than she did so that she could try to do ugly things (usually to cover up her own mistakes) but which would backfire (why I felt sorry for her, she couldn't "win" ultimately). The other women knew she was like this (she'd been working for the company since the beginning of time and I was the newest member) and were afraid of her abilities, her lying and blaming others to cover her own posterior and I was glad to know and made sure I was enough intimidating back to her that she rarely bothered me.

I would target the not-very-smart person and just let her see you doing well/better than she can enough so she gets a little afraid; I'd have a talk with the IT person and make friends with them so they don't make the mistake again of letting others have access to your machine and/or I'd make friends with their boss :-) so they too are not likely to mess with you? A little show of competence, without aggression/bragging or anything, can go a long way so people know you're your own person, are competent and don't take kindly to being messed with. That you know yourself and stand up for yourself and your abilities, the "baddies" will pick other people who might look easier for them. Just show you are "stronger" than they are, have a boss praise you in public or say something impressive in public, etc.

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((((( Rose ))))))))))))))))

[Kaznorm]

Make the decision in your mind that they will not walk all over you anymore. Repeat in your mind that you are stronger than them and that they will give you respect. Don't give up! Keep repeating it over and over and over a couple of days you will believe what your thinking. When You have changed then they will follow. Try it! Xx

Things at work are getting worse. So after doing everything as well as possible and working my heart out ...

... I had the day off on Friday. So (of course, true to par), Thursday afternoon right before I left for the day, HR called to tell me that accounting "audited" my salary and realized they had been "overpaying me" since January.

And They want their $ back (even though it was their error). I was so stunned I didn't know what in the world to say. All of the sudden, the room started spinning, I got cold, I felt as if I would faint. All I wanted to do was get OUT of that office. I told my colleagues I had to go (they asked if I was OK since I was all pale).

I felt HORRIBLE.

Then, when I came back in today, clearly one of the trouble-makers had been working at my desk while I was away and made a mess and didn't clean it up.

I have been having SI since Thursday.

I have an appt with my T tonight but I don't even know if it's worth it. After all this hard work and $...it just doesn't feel like it's worth it anymore.

[gma45]

((((((((((Rose Panachee)))))))))) So sorry things are not getting better. I hope your appt with your T went well! You are in my prayers.

Update:

Things at the office have gotten better. I stood my ground with these women and never backed down. I also refused to hide in my office or at home (that is a big one for me).

I made the pact with my T that no matter how bad I felt, I would go to work. The first day back after my appt was hard...I was miserable and dreading going in. I felt as if I were still "fighting" them. They were just not listening to a word I said, and they were just not communicating information at all (it's as if they were hording information or trying to sabotage me. Ridiculous. We all work on the same team. They also were trying to pull power plays with me. Which is absurd.).

Meantime, I had a MAJOR incident that triggered me fully into a panic. But this time instead of staying quiet and not saying anything, I just blurted out to my T, over the phone, my true fear. My major fear. My deep down fear that I've been carrying all along (all these years) that I've never said outloud to anyone that ever validated me.

And for as embarrassed as I felt, I suddenly felt a huge weight lift off my shoulders. And I felt like I'd been released from a horrible prison or something. I found my voice. Again. After 25 years.

Back to the work witches...yesterday, I just had enough and confronted two of them. I was actually angry again...(not depressed anymore).

*The thing is, when I get angry like that, and I have to conduct business, I never shout or scream or fight or raise my arms and throw a fit.

I get laser-beam focused, lower my voice, look them straight in the eye and pay attention to every single word they say. Then, I repeat their words back to them and continue to do it until they wear down...they were not being honest from the start and their behavior was based on nothing but ego, so they have no where to go.

It's a horrible thing for me to get to that point and to subject someone else to that, and I cannot stand when I have to do that, but when pushed enough, I will go there.

Result: All of them totally backed down. And backed off.

If they ever confront me, question me, lie to me, use dirty tricks against me again, I will be really surprised.

I am so relieved. I think I actually may sleep this weekend. Thank you guys so much. Truly. I don't think I would have been able to do it without you.

Well I guess things weren't as good as I thought they were.

Meh.

I sent someone an email request last week and the email response finally made it back around to me. Unfortunately (for me) the string was included.

One gal (secretary) wrote ... "so-and-so is bugging me about this...." to her male boss. He responded to me with the proper information...with her remark to him attached (ignorance IS bliss)

I thought she was a "friend". I was wrong.

Thanks ((((George)))). Things are a little better today.

Spoke with my T last night, and she pointed out the difference between being hurt, acknowledging it and moving on and letting a hurt dig in and turn into misery. It sounds so easy today, but I hadn't realized I was even doing it.

(And the co-worker/secretary is quite aware that I read her snarky remark, so I doubt I will be "in the know" moving forward.

Thank heaven. It's not like I don't have enough on my plate!