Downward spiral, how do you hang in there?

Hi,

I was diagnosed as Bi-Polar 2 since a year ago.
I've had trouble accepting it and it seems like everythings been going downhill since then. I have job and financial troubles, and a whole shitload of other problems.

I don't really feel like I'm making progress anymore. I can't make decisions anymore because I feel paralyzed, I feel like every decision I make bites me.
Most of the time I just end up stuck, I don't even go out on the weekends anymore. I just stay home all alone. I know my two closest friends have grown tired of talking to and trying to help me.

I really don't know the point I'm making here. It's just hard as hell and only keeps getting worse, I feel like my life is telling me that this is what the rest of my life is going to be like. More often really bad and very little good.
The emotions I feel are always just way too ****ing intense, I can't handle it anymore. It is just a never-ending nightmare that even makes it hard for me to work.

Hi there! Sorry for all your current troubles. You do have a job at the moment, correct? Do you have any sort of insurance to perhaps find a therapist to figure a way out of your current troubles, or find a therapist who accepts clients for less $?

You hang in there by talking about it, finding support and not giving up on yourself. You can find a way out of this.

sounds like you need something - a new hobby or career or relationship - that gives your life meaning. what are the things you dream about doing with your life? what things do you enjoy that you are not currently doing?

Are you sure you aren't putting too much MEANING into the fact that you are Bi-polar? You said that when you were told, you had a hard time accepting it. Do you STILL have a hard time accepting it? It's NOT a bad thing! It's just a NAME of a condition! It's not a death sentence. It's like having depression, or diabetes, or anything like that. Yes, it needs to be controlled, but it CAN be. You life doesn't have to be OVER. You can STILL go out with friends and have fun! Why don't you go out with your friends anymore???

Why not contact your friends and tell them you WANT to go out with them?? If you start to feel uncomfortable, you can always go home, but at least give it a GOOD try. DON'T talk yourself into having an attack or anything. Try to really have a good time! FORGET that you have Bi-polar for awhile! You deserve to live your life like you used to! Life isn't supposed to end just cause of that. Of course you don't want to drink if you're on medication -- so be careful of that.

You CAN make decisions if you put your mind to it. Decide you WILL make decisions. Unless you're in a manic phase, you can do it. Just don't talk yourself out of it. Life goes on.

God bless my friend. We're here if you need us. I wish you the very best. Hugs, Lee

As for now I have insurance, soon I may not. I'm trying not to worry about that much right now though. When it comes to that time it'll be a disaster.

I have a therapist. I feel like I've been in this cave so long and I can't find any light.

Yes I still do, it really has taken a toll on my life. Only 1 of my friends knows and understands what I deal with. I've been given so many suggestions to help myself but I can't seem to listen or act upon anything.
I usually feel "frozen". I wish I could figure out why, maybe it's the decision part, maybe it's the anxiety, I don't know.

Thanks to everyone for the encouragement though.

I hope you can find ways to cope. I am currently depressed, on Max dose of meds my p-doc will give me and feel unable to control my emotions. There are a few things that ease the pain for a little. Doing something good for myself or something that helps me feel competent. For me that's music, but I hope you can find something that you can do that distracts you.

I also use a lot of self-talk like "this feeling is temporary. Feelings come and go. I do not need to act on my feeling.". Basically it sucks to have to work so hard when you're sick, but it seems that it's necessary to help keep from falling apart completely.

I hope you can find ways to cope with the intense feelings. I'm trying to find a way out of the tunnel too

((((Roam)))) Although, our Dx are a little different, I can completely relate to what you are writing.

When I first started with my current T, I too felt as though I'd been in a cave. I'd been isolating more and more until I did not even leave the house. I didn't want to burden anyone (friends/family) with my situation, so I just stopped talking. I felt "frozen" as well.

When I have felt extreme fear or anger, I feel frozen, as well. I freeze or clam up. I literally lose my voice. If I do have to speak, my own voice sounds foreign and forced.

My T and I are working on healing my thought processes and brain, so when I do feel pain, I don't spiral into complete misery. Instead, I acknowledge that it hurt and then say positive affirmations to counter the hurtful thinking. It's very difficult and it's a tough road but I'm working on it inch by inch.

(just a thought...when I received my Dx, I felt relieved! Literally. After all of these years of improper Dx, I felt lighter and as if a light had gone on over my head. Have you considered getting another opinion regarding your Dx. Perhaps it just doesn't "fit" or "make sense" and that is why you are struggling).

Also, it's certainly NO FUN at all to know you aren't feeling well. And there is such a stigma attached to MI that it makes it a million times harder because you really can't talk to anyone about it AND even if you did, meh. you don't know what kind of reaction you'll get

It's not like the Pro Sports Teams where everyone wears pink for a month and honors us, or wears yellow and runs marathons for the cause.

Please continue to post. you are not alone.