[Jan1212]

For a month this feeling of 'I can't be a positive influence for anyone, that I am a burden to my parents, and dragging down the man I'm in a relationship with' has been ...just getting worse. I can't get a job, I still live with my parents, I'm getting older my birthday is coming up this weekend, I want to move south but it won't happen. I got nothing to offer. I am just sitting here, applying for online jobs, and tomorrow the same thing. all over again.

I made a list of the good in my life. I am in school I graduate in a year, I am thinking of applying to volunteer, I am taking a summer course even tho it's 1 credit. My dad is getting my tuition and he is somewhat understanding. I am in a good relationship, but

I know I cannot blame myself, a lot has to do with the economy, but it's me that has anxiety and all these inner issues.

I compare myself to others a lot. I know it's toxic to me I ask myself 'why can't this happen to me?', but why do I still do it? I can't avoid when family and friends share the good news. Is this jealousy? This makes me feel like I am arrogant...I got urge to do something that's unsafe to myself. I just don't want to be this way.. Ty for reading

[Leed]

Bless your heart -- PLEASE don't think about doing anything to yourself. I hope it's just "thinking" and you're not in the PLANNING stage. You can't do that. Just remember this -- suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem!

I think you're intelligent enough to know that things aren't always going to be like this. Yes, the economy stinks -- but things ALWAYS change! They never stay the same. You are doing ALL the appropriate things you should be doing to make things better for your -- and I APPLAUD you for that!!! So many others just sit back and complain, yet they don't DO anything about it! Not you -- you're taking a class, you're applying for jobs -- you're applying to volunteer -- good for you!!! I'm proud of you!

And yes, it's toxic to compare yourself to others. SO WHAT that they've got this or that!! They probably had it HANDED to them too!! You will be able to say that you WORKED for what you have. That gives you more pride and self-esteem. Having something handed to you gives you nothing.

You ARE a positive influence on MANY people due to the fact that you're working for what you want! So what if you live with your folks!! That just gives you a better chance of getting what you want! That's no big deal! And I doubt that your boyfriend thinks you're "dragging him down" either. Ask him and he'll tell you.

You are your own worst enemy, sweetie. You ARE a good person, you ARE a positive influence, you ARE worthy of good things. If this anxiety is getting too severe, talk to the counselor at school (you said you were going to summer school, right?) and see if he/she can help you. They'll be happy to talk to you! If you can afford it, see a therapist - you won't regret it.

Stop being so hard on yourself Jan -- you're a GREAT person! Hugs, Lee

[Jan1212]

Thank you so much Lee your words mean a lot to me. I have not been getting as much support from people around me mainly because they're just too busy.

[Leed]

Aww nuts -- No one is too busy to sit down and talk for awhile. Are you perhaps too scared to ask?

Ask your Mom if she'll take a little while to sit and talk. I'd BET you that she would Then have a long talk -- TELL her what's bothering you, especially if it involves family issues, cause she probably is NOT aware of anything. GET her involved -- if you have a half-way decent relationship with her, TALK to her!!! It will make your relationship much closer, and you'll certainly feel better.

God bless & keep us posted. And DON'T be afraid to talk to her -- she's your MOM. Hugs, Lee

[Jan1212]

Hmm it does seem like I am assuming, the only ones I trust is my boyfriend and my dad. I've talked to my mom before about sensitive things, until one day she snapped and used those topics to embarrass me to use it against me. I kept trusting her but I've decided not to have deep conversations with her anymore.

My dad - yes he understands, but he works til night and been grumpy lately with his knee injury before that he had terrible cough and allergies he couldn't sleep. I don't want to 'whine' when I'm a grown-up and he's already supporting me financially I don't want to be a burden for him to support me emotionally.

My bf took a side job and works 6 - dinner-time, and weekends - crazy isn't it this also makes me wonder if he's doing anything else, which he got offended he thought I was accusing him. I told him he needs to rest and don't want him to work weekends. He does make me feel better but the drama and fights I guess I am scared I may exhaust him

I need to expand my limit than just on them , I will call my classmate to see how she's doing maybe visit her, I just think that's weird since she's my classmate and we just share school and study group.

[Leed]

Sorry it took so long to respond -- when is the last tiime you tried talking to your Mom? And why do you think she used your 'secrets' against you? Did she have some issues of her own at the time? Do you know why she snapped? Was she perhaps menopausal or something? I'm just picking at straws here, giving her the benefit of the doubt. I find it a little hard to believe a mother would betray her child like that, but I don't know your Mom either.

Is there any way you would dare try talking to her again? Has she been easier to get along with? Maybe she resent your close relationship with your Dad -- any chance of that? She might be jealous!

If you dare, try talking to her again. You might be surprised. She might welcome you with open arms. Just a suggestion. Take care & let us know, ok? Hugs, Lee

[Wants2Fly]

Hi Jan1212 --

I am sorry you are feeling badly. Leed is so right; the economy has many qualified people out of work for a year and longer, so it is super-hard for someone just starting out.

I like all of Leed's suggestions.

May I add one other thought? It is so important to get out and not rely only on job ads. You say you are about to graduate; most schools have little workshops and seminars for how to write your resume and a job bank. Or perhaps you can find a job search support group in your community.

I teach college, and one topic we cover is job search. I've had a student walk in, only to find they were looking for his resume and had lost it. Another student walked in at exactly the right time, was interviewed, and hired. Of course, this doesn't happen all the time and to everyone. But it does suggest that allowing people a chance to put a face to your name can sometimes give the employment seeker that extra edge.

If you are feeling too depressed, of course I understand that too.

[Jan1212]

We talk general conversations. I understand she has panic attacks and snaps. Or someting else, she doesn't want to be diagnosed. But I feel I can't trust her anymore. It is traumatic thinking about the past. She woke me up to 'go through' my room looked thru my garbage I ask her why she said she just did not trust me with anything. leaving us in the hot car for hours when we were young saying it would get rid of impurities. saying how one sibling mistake would get us all punished, i deserved punishment. silent treatments - countless. not picking me up saying she wan't there for me - she was there for my brother. grabbing us by our hair, talking bad out loud almost yelling to our family thru the phone. tlaking bad to my dad about what we did while he was out working. blaming me for rats in the house when she just didn't clean, there were no soaps in the house, except the shower. she would cough and sneeze in the food saying we would be immune for the cold. I realized she would ask for forgiveness by giving us sweets and fried foods, taking us to fast foods, then its the cycle all over again. She would also eat fried, oily foods and feed us, my dad ended up having type 2 diabetes. I realized how horrible our diet was once I learned about it in school. there's so much more, but I don't blame her, after all this I say I still love her I forgive her, please don't take it the wrong way if I say I cannot fully trust her. tomorrow is her birthday and I bought her flowers and clothes.

I am always trying and will continue. I just hate it when my parents don't undestand I can't get something overnight. My dad got his job thru my uncle simple, and years ago. my mom never worked so she doesn't understand. She just says I am lazy, and not trying hard enough. My dad is suggesting me what kinds of jobs I can get in a week but really he does not understand. I am also looking for a job in a certain field so when i graduate I have experience under my belt

Thank you so much for reading and the replies

[RomanSunburn]

I think volunteering is a great idea. If you can volunteer to get some experience in the field you're looking to get into, that would look great on your resume. Not to mention, you can keep an eye out for a job opening up in that company. They'll also be able to write you letters of recommendation and give good work references. I highly recommend volunteering while you're still in school. Not to mention, it'll probably help your self esteem and self worth out!

You are not worthless at all. And if I remember correctly from your other thread, you want to get into nursing? That is such a great job -- nurses are more important than doctors! They help so many people and their families. And if you live in the US, the new healthcare system is probably going to create an even bigger need for nurses than their already is (my husband worked in healthcare and said that a lot of nurses are about to retire so the work force is getting thin).

Everything Lee said in her first post is true. You are worthwhile, deserving of love and happiness, you are a great, wonderful person!