Lonley,Did I make my own bed now I must lie in it?

*** Caution, Loneliness, might bring you down ****

I know at times I am standoffish. I want to be alone, I don't want to be messed with, and don't want much touch. Other times I am so lonely. I just want someone to relate to, someone to care, or to find someone who will reach out and let me know I'm not alone. My H and I do not get along and I am in little kid mode all day and all night with 3 kids. I just want to escape the kids, the husband and all responsibility just for a little while. Sometimes I want to be ALL alone. Other times I just want a friend. I want to smile, I want to be happy, I want to relate, I just want to lay my head down and cry, I just want a safe place to close my eyes for a moment and just let time slip by. I know that it can be difficult for my H to be that one who is all knowing. Some days I don't even know what I want. How can he know. (ofcourse if we got along better he would be the friend I need not the father he seems to think he over me) I'm just lonely and need a friend some days and today is one of those days. What I've wrote sounds like depression, it fits the PTSD I suffer from, it fits the ADD as far as not knowing what I want one min from the next. I'm not sure my meds are right. My zoloft is my friend. It saved my life and now it has controll over my life. I dare not quit taking it. But is there more I don't know about that could help or is this just a bad day and tomorrow will be better.

I've made my own bed because most of the time I want to be alone, well now I'm alone. So I've made my bed and I guess now I have to lie in it. (I just wish some one would lie with me and talk to me)

How about making friends. One friend to start with? I was lonely in an abusive marriage of 31 years.......but I had friends. xoxo, Alice

((((Mama)))) Depression and Anxiety are horrible. And mixed together...

With D, you could be in the middle of a stadium with 70,000 people all around you and not really see, hear, care about a thing. And still feel so lonely

And

With A, you would never in a million years THINK to be in a statium with 70,000. It would just be wayyy too much. Sensory overload

You are such an incredible, lovely person and you work so hard to provide for your children and care for your family (including your furry family members). And you care so much. You are there to do everything for everyone: all the time.

My friends that are married with children all tell me that although they love their spouses and their kids with their whole hearts, they WISH they could just get away sometimes. alone. no telephone, no tv, no interruptions. Just go to a very quiet hotel room overlooking the sea and relax. In peace and quiet. So, I don't think you are alone in that feeling, honey!

Is there a member of your women's church group that you feel you can go out for a coffee or perhaps go see a movie?

Are you able to get away for a little "me time" and not worry? Are your parents or siblings available to baby sit for you for a day or two so you can go away and just relax?

Perhaps you can share this with your T...and you can make a nice plan to have a couple days for yourself at the spa. Or just relaxing at a neighbor's house without worrying about anything.

that is such a great idea and if it is at all possible you should.. I was feeling much the same recently and did a little trip by myself.. I was able to walk, stare, cry, sleep, whatever I wanted or needed at the time without interruption. Doesn't even have to be an overnighter. I love big trees so I can drive 20 min and walk in the forest trails.. just me and the trees. I find it peaceful and so very quiet.

I do know what it's like to feel that lonely and yet crave to be alone as well. I feel for you.

I think that every woman with children should be allowed to take either one or two nights twice a year, and just go to a special area, get a motel room and do whatever she likes (no cheating of course! LOL ).

I live in Michigan, and I love the Great Lakes. As a child, every summer we would spend 6 weeks right on Lake Huron and that is my "special place." It is in northern Michigan, and I love sittiing on the beach, watching the sun go down. Nothing gives me more peace of mind than that. Everyone should have a 'special place' like that --- one that gives them peace of mind or just general relaxation.

And I think we all get into the "little kid" mode too, especially if we have children. We have so many responsibilities with kids -- and bringing up kids is a HUGE responsibility which is usually the Mother's job! The Dad MIGHT get involved, but many times he comes home and is just 'too tired' to take time for the kids. I've seen this so very often, and it was true in my own marriage --- the jerk.

Big Mama, I know there are troubles at home, and I DON'T know if any of them have been smoothed out, but are you going to couples counseling still? I'm thinking that you were, correct? Has it improved things? Can you tell hubby how you're feeling where he'll understand? Can you tell him you need a friend at times who is NOT a sexual partner? Sometimes you have to spell things out to them or they won't get it.

I wish you the very best my friend. Please keep us posted. God bless and take care of YOURSELF. Hugs, Lee

Leed, thank you for your support. My H and I are still doing T. Things are lonely because I do not have a strong connection with him anymore. If anything it is an acquaintance type connection to him. He comes here to sleep at night. That is better then him being here to b**** at me though. So I guess I need to count my blessings. I don't know if things are improving or not. T has made my hubby aware of his actions and my reactions but it has made him edgy to do "right". I am hoping that will pass w/ time. Leed thank you for all your insight. I look forward from hearing from you from time to time.

Sway, you are so right lonely but wanting to be alone. Sounds weird but it's all to possible.

Wow mama.. you could be talking about my husband and I

Sway, thanks for responding back. I hate it for you that we share the same kind of happiness But It does help to know I am not alone in this. What was God thinking when he made men. I told the T it was Gods plan to make men stupid other wize there would be a real population problem. Every woman wants an attractive "smart" man. It's Gods natural birth control. He made men stupid and us girls the smart ones. Oh that crazy God. He has such a since of humor. You can laugh or you can cry. It want do any good to cry though. So you might as well laugh.

It is almost reassuring in a way to know that others are in the same boat with their spouses.. relieves some of that loneliness I guess.. I love my quiet time yet even in a houseful of people I am alone..sad but true..
I am sorry you are in the same boat... but I am there for you

I agree I too am alone most of the time.

I found that throughout my career life, I came across people who wanted to be around me as long as they want something from me and then leaving me alone.

So now I made habit of staying alone.

I know it is not good thing but I cant help it as well. I am just alone. It's really hard to have people on our own terms around and then staying alone if we don't accept this fact.

I am in my late twenties (28) and found that though many people of my age have girlfriend or family with kids. I just made myself more lonely over a period of time. I find happiness in small things.

I have pets (budgies) and they keep me from being lonely. Pets do help.

Hope you find someone around to bug you all the time so that you will never get lonely.

((((Mama))))