[laika18]

i've had a therapist a long time...but i wonder if that actually kind of makes it worse? i mean i'm getting over a lot of things... i wonder if i need a therapist anymore because lately i just rely on them to help me feel better?

lately i cant feel better without getting advice.i dont trust myself to decide to be proactive for some reason. its like the only person who can pull me out is my therapist.. i will wait and wait until i can just get rid of these mental blocks towards doing anything besides going to work

god damn it

i feel like i have no control sometimes and this scares me... that life just blows me around but i want to cope better because i want to get out of this town really bad. I KNOW there are ways people cope and i want to be self-reliant.

Help please
who thinks that not believing i have control/ making a move when im depressed is the problem here?

[Vibe]

I don't necessarily think the therapist is the problem. Rather, I believe that a therapist isn't the be-all, end-all solution.

If you're being proactive and feeling better with the therapist, then that's a step up from not being proactive at all and feeling like hell constantly. True, the therapist is a crutch. And you are right to feel that you should not need this crutch forever. But it's better to walk with a crutch at first than to not walk at all.

Coping better and learning to be self-reliant are some pretty big goals. They take time and steps. The fact that you want that and that you're reaching for it is a good thing though. Yes, lacking control and the ability to make a move are problems. Recognizing that and setting goals are some of the first steps in solving these problems though.

Maybe you could do some research on methods people use to cope and push themselves? Your therapist might even have techniques that he/she could teach you, which you could use by yourself.

I think you're worried that at this point you don't need your therapist and having one is just teaching you to be dependent on someone else in order to feel good. It is possible to fall into this trap too. I don't know where you are in your development though, so I don't know if this is the case or not. Sorry. Keep making strides forward though. No matter where you are, that will always serve you well.

[shezbut]

Interesting hypothesis, laika.

It's certainly possible for people to grow too comfortable in therapy, and no longer continue to push themselves to get better. Instead, people may focus on simply relieving the stress only through T.

Have you tried other stress relievers along the way ~ like exercise, finding new hobbies or interests, building positive relationships? If not, you should mention this in T. I'm sure that will be a scary task for you, but it is necessary to have other sources of emotional support and stress relief. Coming in here can relieve stress. You don't have to simply read the heavy forums, but you can go into game rooms, chat rooms, etc.

Just a few ideas for you to try. Now's a great time to start some new fun activities to relieve stress in a non-hurtful way!

[sugahorse1]

A very scary thought!

[DLWest]

It seems to me that you are already being proactive just by being here. You can't expect yourself to do the impossible in just a day or a week, or even a month. Give yourself at least 6 months to do impossible things, then take an honest look at how far you've come. You'll be surprised in a good way, I promise. And we'll be here as your cheering section the entire time, so give us a reason to cheer!

[jelly-bean]

Tell your therapist about your worries and see what he/she says.

[shezbut]

Did you add to your initial post??

I don't recall anything at all written after ******* it & my posts to you doesn't make much sense with your other comments taken into consideration. Talk w/ your T about your concerns to get a more knowledgeable perspective on your case.

Best wishes to you!

[susan900]

Originally Posted by Vibe

I don't necessarily think the therapist is the problem. Rather, I believe that a therapist isn't the be-all, end-all solution.

If you're being proactive and feeling better with the therapist, then that's a step up from not being proactive at all and feeling like hell constantly. True, the therapist is a crutch. And you are right to feel that you should not need this crutch forever. But it's better to walk with a crutch at first than to not walk at all.

Coping better and learning to be self-reliant are some pretty big goals. They take time and steps. The fact that you want that and that you're reaching for it is a good thing though. Yes, lacking control and the ability to make a move are problems. Recognizing that and setting goals are some of the first steps in solving these problems though.

Maybe you could do some research on methods people use to cope and push themselves? Your therapist might even have techniques that he/she could teach you, which you could use by yourself.

I think you're worried that at this point you don't need your therapist and having one is just teaching you to be dependent on someone else in order to feel good. It is possible to fall into this trap too. I don't know where you are in your development though, so I don't know if this is the case or not. Sorry. Keep making strides forward though. No matter where you are, that will always serve you well.

Hi Vibe,

So true, what you are saying, about (being dependant on your therapist) I am feeling like that, yet I not seen him, for two months! Yet I really am hoping he will see me soon. when my family say, you can work with someone else, I just feel very panicky!! I can't believe I feel this way. Its so needy. And now, I feel more scared of needing anyone, as I know, no-one can always be there for me/you. Yet therapy is supposed to make you also realise, that we can trust people.

But I want to be back to myself, I went to therapy for Ocd, and have currently been like this!

Hope you guys all feel better soon.

If you feel you are no longer progressing with your therapist i would seek out other solutions or maybe take a break from it for a while. Have you spoken to your T about this? I don't think he/she is necessarily the problem, it sounds as though you don't feel you're listened to a lot of of the time so having this person there and ready to validate you and provide emotional support is quite naturally, appealing. The point of therapy however is to help you overcome whatever it is thats affecting your ability to function - tts easy to become over-dependent so i would instead focus on what you are doing outside of it to help you feel better - what support network do you have in place? Do you think a skills based therapy would be more appropriate? These can help recalibrate our thinking patterns and thought processes and so influence our behaviour in a positive sense. I hope you manage to communicate these concerns effectively and that the whole process becomes more useful to you again. Good luck.

[Dreamy01]

Originally Posted by laika18

i've had a therapist a long time...but i wonder if that actually kind of makes it worse? i mean i'm getting over a lot of things... i wonder if i need a therapist anymore because lately i just rely on them to help me feel better?

lately i cant feel better without getting advice.i dont trust myself to decide to be proactive for some reason. its like the only person who can pull me out is my therapist.. i will wait and wait until i can just get rid of these mental blocks towards doing anything besides going to work

god damn it

i feel like i have no control sometimes and this scares me... that life just blows me around but i want to cope better because i want to get out of this town really bad. I KNOW there are ways people cope and i want to be self-reliant.

Help please
who thinks that not believing i have control/ making a move when im depressed is the problem here?

Sorry you feel depressed

In my experience, therapy became THE focus rather than a means to an end. It can become a goal in and of itself rather than part of my journey. I wonder if this is similar for you?

As someone else said, therapy isn't the problem per sae, it's how you are using it. If you feel worse after therapy or feel that you're relying on T to help you feel better, it might not be helping you. Trust your intuition on this as it's usually right.

It has taken me a long time but now I've realised my problem and I'm trying to use therapy as a way of exploring how to make my life better and more importantly how to rely on myself, not T. T can be there as a support, but ultimately I need to learn how to live my own life.