hello everyone, so im on probation for another year and 5 months... untill may of 2014

but i have this overwhealming feeling of doom that im going to end up violating my probation

my po said im doing great

untill i left messages to my ignorant psychiatrist cursing at him about my medication, he called my po into his office and played the messages

my po told me at my treatment meeting that if i stop taking my medication im going to jail

so i decided to keep taking it

but then tonight me and my sister got into a huge aregument and i almost lost control of myself and hit her

i would have went to jail tonight if i did becuase shes a cop caller

i keep having this feeling of doom that something unexpected is going to happen and im going to get violated on my probation and go back to jail

but then i think about all of my animals that i have and relize i need to stay positve and on the rite track becuase if i go back to jail nobody is going to take care of them

thanks for reading....

[myopicdreams]

Hi. I can understand why you are feeling that way and I think it's wise of you to recognize that the path you are on here is leading you in a direction you don't want to take. It sounds like you are a decent person but you don't have the tools to know how to cope with your feelings when they get too big. It happens a lot and the good news is that you can totally learn to stay in control of your anger and frustration so you can begin to respond to problems in a way that is more likely to get the result you want to get instead of landing you back in jail.

If you're into self-study I would recommend DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) you might also ask your PO if there are any DBT groups around you. It focuses on emotional regulation, making sure you don't make things worse for yourself, and learning to have more control over your thoughts and behaviors.

There should hopefully be anger management groups that you can attend as well and they can be really helpful in teaching you the tools that will help you stay out of trouble and jail.

I hope this helps & happy holidays

[Leed]

Can you ask your PO to get you into counseling? I think you need it. Just like "myopicdreams" said, you're a good person -- you're just having some problems right now, and need some help dealing with them.

You must take your medication -- I know you don't like it. I don't particularly like mine either, but I have to take it if I'm going to function! And try not to put yourself into a position with your sister where you're going to fight. Avoid her if you have to! Sometimes we have to stay away from people that drive us crazy -- even if we live in the same house as they do! Just stay away from her. She sounds like a trouble maker if she's a "cop caller."

Instead of having a feeling of doom, try turning it around and developing a feeling of HOPE. May of 2014 isn't all that long -- YOU CAN DO IT! I have FAITH in you!! I know you can do this. My son was on probation for 3 years, and HE did it!!! And HE had been in PRISON. So I know you can do this. Forget the doom, okay? Keep reading here -- and maybe you can help others who have problems. That will help YOU forget about YOUR problems. God bless and please take care. Hugs, Lee

thanks everyone ! i see a therapist, im going to try talking to him about my "loosing control " when in areguments.

and im doing anger managment classes at the penn foundation next time they start

ill look into the dbt as well

thanks !

im just goin to take my medication and not complain about it cuase there not going to take me off of it, when i get off probation i can stop taking it.

instead of areguing with people like my sister, i could just agree with her and walk away

i had the police called on me a few years ago for hitting my sister, the reason i did it was becuase i thought she had people harrassing me in my computer chat room, i was paranoid, thought she was out to get me.

[ffgal82]

Anger is really hard to control. I hear ya! Try to look at the probation as new opportunities in life n dont concentrate on the bad stuff. Do good for YOU and in doing so you will also keep your po happy. Good luck!