[hester91]

How do I keep from letting other people negative emotions contaminate my own.? I know that I am responsible for my own emotions. I am trying to meditate and use other healthy coping mechanisims but they are not strong enough to fight off negative emotions around me. Especially my husbands emotions. I struggle to keep my emotions from bleeding into his negative thoughts. To complicate matters further, my husband is a great guy. He has been supportive throughout my many years of depression, bipolar and anxiety roller coaster. I owe him so much. How do i untangle this mess?

[sorter]

Originally Posted by hester91

How do I keep from letting other people negative emotions contaminate my own.? I know that I am responsible for my own emotions. I am trying to meditate and use other healthy coping mechanisims but they are not strong enough to fight off negative emotions around me. Especially my husbands emotions. I struggle to keep my emotions from bleeding into his negative thoughts. To complicate matters further, my husband is a great guy. He has been supportive throughout my many years of depression, bipolar and anxiety roller coaster. I owe him so much. How do i untangle this mess?

No emotion is negative.
You've decided you don't like the emotion.
You can change your mind.
You just need to find a use for it.
Find how it is helping you.

[Mindinpieces]

Originally Posted by sorter

No emotion is negative.
You've decided you don't like the emotion.
You can change your mind.
You just need to find a use for it.
Find how it is helping you.

(((Sorter))) Please don't think I am attacking your opinions. However although that may be the case in some circumstances for some people. There can be a point where a person is in no place to be able to contemplate this in such a way. This is because the negativity is so strong and has got to the point of being facts not just thoughts or emotions felt. Which when in a better place they could let go and not let the negativity affect them in such a way. However to me (((Hester91))) sounds as if they are in the place, which I am currently in. Where the negativity is such a strong notion, just being around a person who comes across with negative comments or behaviour. It triggers off the sensations and anxiety and or depression, because things sometimes get to this point and at the present time this is what is happening instead of being able to work through things as you would when able to think better or in a different state to the one you are in.

Your comments are true but first sometimes people have to work on lessening the anxiety or depression first. To then tackle not letting things in their life feeding ( back into their anxiety depression or distress emotional state), so to speak, unintentionally off other people’s negativity. However this is so hard, when you are surrounded by people with their negativity, like I am. which does seep into you at times when things have got too much for yourself in the first place to then have all of their negativity tip you over.

(((Hester91 and Sorter )))

This is another way I can describe it metaphorically

It's like a plant in soil. It's natural for the plant to take in water (natural to feel some negativity for humans) and this can be healthy, within the right amounts but this will be different from plant to plant( from person to person on what is an acceptable amount of negativity they can handle)
However if the plant gets water log by say unintentional rain (negativity that's too much or not something we can help being face with) this can cause the plant to suffer, if it is not prepared to take on so much at once.
Some plants may be able to work through this other plants would not be able to cope and it would affect the plant.
Just like some people are better able to cope and others can't but with some support and ways of tackling this they then can. Then to have left things and hope all may just work out. When actually that's never any good.
In the case of the plant it can be re- potted and left to dry out for bit, new soil can be added. To stop this reoccurring a plant house put to protect it when the weather may be bad with suspected sudden rain to occur again to stop such a thing happening again.


For people we can work on techniques and methods to lessen are problems and to then we are able to work on our thoughts and to put in place support techniques. So to protect ourselves from things beyond are control which impact on us.

There are many ways and means to do this and what works for one many not work for another. Also what may have work for you in the past may not work for yourself in your current situation. However you can in time, which is hard and painful, begin to put in place such support methods and techniques. So the negativity doesn't affect you in such a way. However like I said this is a one step at a time things. It is so painful and you can at times let yourself get consumed by the negativity. This is what is currently happening to me. However doing little things first to bring yourself to a better state of mind and way of feeling and then tackling the negativity and thoughts associate with that and circumstances you are faced with which involves others, is be best way sometimes for some people to work through this then to go straight into challenging thoughts and then negativity they feel first off.

(((Hester91))) I hope you don’t mind my reply and I hope it can be of some help to you. Although I have not gone into certain techniques and methods and just covered how things may be for you which is probably not at all help but you are not alone and I am no expert at these such techniques and methods as I am still trying to master them myself which is a one step forward two back and other times steady steps in right direction. I really do though think you need to look for ways of lessening how this is making you feel and look for ways to better be able to work through the negativity you are faced with for future use, to stop everything getting on top of you and tipping you over which happens far too much for many people. Once you have found a way which works for you, honestly you will wish you knew that sooner and can begin to see that if you had that in the past how it may have help change thinks but you must not judge yourself on your past for not reacting how you could have done once you have gained how to tackle things successful in a future time.
Wishing you all the nest and hang in there with yourself, it is the hardest thing and can be so painful but things never stay the same, each day is a new day.

[avlady]

Well that was an interesting reply, rings true for me too. just to let you know i did read your post too.negative people to me are so aggressive, especially when they don't catch me in their trap. am i different in the fact that i don't like agressive people,? i mean, i know sometimes i could use an aggressive person to help me out, for the better, but i feel safer with a non aggressive person, someone who i wish i could be, by being polite, nice, friendly and are not arrogant. then in my case there would be no negative emotions to deal with. i realise this is idealistic, but it is what i prefer to strive for.

[sorter]

@ Mindinpieces
I'll elaborate on these two lines:
"You just need to find a use for it [the emotion].
Find how it is helping you."

Any strong persistent and long lasting anxiety has been ingrained in your brain.
You've built (whether you meant to or not) well established
neurological patterns of something along the lines of:
feeling -> rejection of the feeling -> pain.
A better pattern is:
feeling -> wonder how that feeling can help you in some way.

This explains what I'm talking about a little more:
http://corecatharsis.com/Blog/blog.html

Please consider the possibility that you're not truly understanding what I just said.
This is different. This is only about accepting your feelings,
not thinking about them or defining them that most therapy is based on.

Strong neurological patterns are created by fully activating your mind. Trauma is an example.
By wondering, using questions, you can fully activate your mind and create
the neurological patterns you want with the same strength as your "negative" feelings.
With activating your full mind, no feeling is too strong.

[pachyderm]

Originally Posted by sorter

Strong neurological patterns are created by fully activating your mind. Trauma is an example.
By wondering, using questions, you can fully activate your mind and create
the neurological patterns you want with the same strength as your "negative" feelings.

Not easy sometimes, though. Practice, practice, practice.

[Thunder Bow]

Living with a negative person is stressful and you will feel depressed around him, because of that. He may be suffering from a few disorders himself. On your side, it looks like you healing and taking care of yourself.

[Mindinpieces]

Originally Posted by sorter

@ Mindinpieces
I'll elaborate on these two lines:
"You just need to find a use for it [the emotion].
Find how it is helping you."

Any strong persistent and long lasting anxiety has been ingrained in your brain.
You've built (whether you meant to or not) well established
neurological patterns of something along the lines of:
feeling -> rejection of the feeling -> pain.
A better pattern is:
feeling -> wonder how that feeling can help you in some way.

This explains what I'm talking about a little more:
http://corecatharsis.com/Blog/blog.html

Please consider the possibility that you're not truly understanding what I just said.
This is different. This is only about accepting your feelings,
not thinking about them or defining them that most therapy is based on.

Strong neurological patterns are created by fully activating your mind. Trauma is an example.
By wondering, using questions, you can fully activate your mind and create
the neurological patterns you want with the same strength as your "negative" feelings.
With activating your full mind, no feeling is too strong.

I understand where you coming from in some respects, but then again I may just be a person that see things differently to you, nothing personal. Actually my post doesn't discount you thoughts at all if you really think about it but like you have pointed out sometimes it becomes

ingrained

indeed reactions can be when you find others negativity leads to you feeling and reacting within ways uncontrollably it's because in some instances you have got to a point where you can't think within the moment and are acting out of an unhelpful ingrained reaction and way of thinking

the whole need to lessen anxiety and depression if ring true for you or even just being upset, distress (a person doesn't need to be consider at such definitions to reaction in such a way) by how a partners negativity is in turn turning your own thought's and feels into negativity ones needs to be address first

it doesn't matter what method or way you use if you can't get yourself into a state of feeling calm and in a place to put to use such helpful use as [QUOTE]

You just need to find a use for it [the emotion].
Find how it is helping you."
[/QUOTE

because if you are not tackling things from a calm place it can get distorted even though it would otherwise have worked and been of help.

I have in past though I was doing this but there are right ways and wrong ways it may be that the mediation Hester91 is using isn't right form accessing within thoughts and their mind in the way they wish. The right type of meditation can be used to bring you to a place to calm you down and lessen everything else going on with you personally eg physical sensations, upset etc. to then be able to re- ingrain the methods that can help you to learn how to block other peoples negativity affecting you and learn how you can change how you perceive and take in your partners, friends, colleagues behaviour within another light that is not taking in another’s person thoughts, feeling or emotions as your own or becoming part of your own personal self so to speak.
That’s all I was trying to point out but I don’t want to advise in this way or that way will work for you or help you because I am just another random person but I was just trying to explain my view point and how I see this and that Hester91 may be able to find the help they need by looking back along the same lines as they have but with another style or type or method and using ways to clam yourself down and get rid of some feelings first can be helpful with what ever mental or analogy you use to then better your interactions and way or perceive the world around you from then on.
Maybe I am still confused or coming from not a helpful place I am sorry for that if that’s still the case.

[sorter]

Originally Posted by pachyderm

Not easy sometimes, though. Practice, practice, practice.

Actually it's very easy, even natural.
The book I referred to uses techniques that are completely new as far as I know.
The approach doesn't depend on ideas or understanding--at all.
People have a hard time wrapping their mind around that and
that this approach can only be known through experience, not reading about it
or even thinking about it.

Practice, practice, practice.

Yeah but what's the alternative?

[hester91]

Originally Posted by avlady

Well that was an interesting reply, rings true for me too. just to let you know i did read your post too.negative people to me are so aggressive, especially when they don't catch me in their trap. am i different in the fact that i don't like agressive people,? i mean, i know sometimes i could use an aggressive person to help me out, for the better, but i feel safer with a non aggressive person, someone who i wish i could be, by being polite, nice, friendly and are not arrogant. then in my case there would be no negative emotions to deal with. i realise this is idealistic, but it is what i prefer to strive for.

Avlady, the worst are people who are haters and dont even try to see the positive in any given situation. Those people make me feel helpless and in despair. Thanks , it helps alot to know that Im not alone.

[hester91]

Originally Posted by pachyderm

Not easy sometimes, though. Practice, practice, practice.

Pachyderm, How do you get to Carnegie Hall, right. Thanks for the words of encouragement. I can use all the help I can get.

[hester91]

Originally Posted by Thunder Bow

Living with a negative person is stressful and you will feel depressed around him, because of that. He may be suffering from a few disorders himself. On your side, it looks like you healing and taking care of yourself.

Thunder Bow, Im fairly sure that my husband suffers from some disorder (who doesnt now a days). He wont go and talk to a counselor so Im left with the burden of being his sounding board. On good days Its doable but there are days when Im trying to work on my own stuff and his issues are heavy and a distraction. Im trying, despite my dear husbands busy mind, to heal myself.
Thanks, I appreciate it.

[hester91]

Sorter and Mindinpieces,
Thanks for the different perspectives. Both are truly helpful and appreciated.

[pachyderm]

Originally Posted by sorter

Actually it's very easy, even natural.

Permit me to express a certain skepticism about how "easy" any such recovery might be.

[sorter]

Originally Posted by pachyderm

Permit me to express a certain skepticism about how "easy" any such recovery might be.

You're permitted.
Although, I'm guessing you're assuming something about what I'm saying.
The techniques aren't about an effort to "recover." That's a tall order.
It's only about answering simple questions that happen to lead to resolving
inner conflict (recovery in my book).

[jdwonders]

Dear hester91,

There is a time in all of our lives that we must look at ourselves in the mirror and evaluate who we see. If we look ourselves in the eye and truly behold what we are, then healing and growth can begin. Our nature of being removes the choice of letting our emotions 'bleed' to others. We can fight this by identifying our own conscious tension and work out this negative energy within us. Dare I say that the only emotion we ever feel is our own. One main reason we let others emotion 'contaminate' our own is because we care, be it a negative or positive caring. You have the strength and power to face yourself. You have the ability to overcome the forthcoming's that you allow yourself. If we humans feel our spouse is supportive, loving, and great for us, then they are feeling negative emotions based on our own actions. Don't quit meditating, it is very healthy.
As far as this cat's cradle you have weaved for yourself, remember what makes you happy, remove negative influences, and have courage in the face of fear especially within yourself. I have a feeling that you may question your purpose here on a deep level, you are smart, look into yourself and your spirituality to find that purpose. Positive emotion will come from positive action.

Love,
JD