feeling as if you want to retaliate

What do you do when you feel like you want to retaliate? I am not 18 yet, so I currently cannot get myself a therapist. Although there's a therapist who would love to have me as his client, I'm just not ready to see him yet, because in order to do so, I would need my parents' permission, and since I'm still a minor, I cannot get their approval because they don't really believe in therapy. But I feel a lot better once I start talking to him and I do hope that I can find supportive people in this forum.
As a kid, I was always treated as if i were different. Guys my age have called me girly and thought there was something really weird going on with me. there are so many intolerant people in this world, man. What's worse is that we both have the same blood origin and instead of being there for me, they mocked me. How cruel. When they deal with the more superior groups, they won't gang up on them. I've noticed that their conversations with each other change and the tone begins to take a new form. sorry, wrong choice of words, but that's okay.
Many girls my age didn't like me either. One girl called me a pauper and a poor person. She thought that she was all that simply because she bought clothes from hollister and aeropostale. She believed that wearing clothes with those words on them make her seemed different. I hated her guts. I still remember how she used to spread rumors around the class just to make others hate me. I still hope that everything would just backfire on her. And she told this girl named Ruby that I made her cry. What about the times she used to make me flood into tears? Does it seem like anybody cared? Instead, people shrugged and walked away. Though I was born here, I felt like I was treated like a minority. I hesitated because I felt so cowered and dominated by this monster of a teacher who happens to be white--nothing racial intended--and he would send me down to the deans or counselors office just to waste my time. and one reason I didn't treat people well at that school was that I had no intention of going to it. I was originally planning on attending some other school, but since I don't have siblings, I couldn't. I hated the school. I hated the people. I hated the ones who I thought were my friends turned out to be my enemies. I detested them and many times I would resort to those thoughts. I encourage others to write an autobiography of themselves to let the world know what they have been through. Maybe when future generations read these books, they'll know that everybody has been there.
so then back to the point. he sent me down there just to waste my time and he showed me no mercy. i disliked everyone. i wanted to do much worse. i was going through a lot of depression. Went to a therapist, no big help was offered, but in the end, it did help me get out of my funk. i would love to forget the past, but even then, i still regard these people with contempt, and i just want to spit on them. i want to see them hit rock bottom.

yet their schools are doing fine and they're getting all the education that they need. they get to do community service with the whole school but ours don't even offer it. plus,i'm glad i moved out here. i don't know why, but i feel like the reason for the downfall of our school is the graduation of seniors. i don't know but seems like next year won't be a good year for us seniors since freshmen are entering our school and they simply have no spirit, according to a friend of ours. i hope i'm making the most of it this year before i have to leave.

You sound almost exactly like me. Why don't you just do it? Lose or win, it's an experience to calm you down more then anything. I've got into enough fights to know it was worth not getting walked on and after so many you could care less about fighting then just brush the losers off your shoulder and let them walk their own path of destruction. Instead of you.

Can your therapist friend help you find a therapist who could take you as a non-paying patient?

Or, could he help you find a free or inexpensive self-help group of some kind, that meets regularly and includes a therapist?

Or does he have other helpful ideas for you?

Could your school help you convince your parents of your need and desire for help?

In the meantime, find some books on Assertiveness or Assertiveness Training.
Confrontation, frustration, fitting in, being accepted, anger, are all part of life and don't go away no matter where we go. I like that you want to deal with this now, that you don't like the way things are, and I suspect you wish to not feel so much anger.

That is very stupid of her. Ridiculous. There are hoards of teenagers wearing clothes with these words trying to fit in. She is just following the crowd.

i know rite?

absolutely. so stupid.

there are so many things that happened to me since then. this one girl in eighth grade asked the entire class who hated me and almost half the class raised their hand. i cried that day and said i regret the day i was born. i'll relate all these experiences in a book. then there's this one guy in fifth grade who asked me if i was gay. then this teacher of mine was like who would want to marry you... and my years at junior high some idiots were always harassing me and i had to endure racism. i'll see to it that they get what they deserve. sometimes i feel like becoming a monarch of the world and torturing anyone that rivals me.

This is horrible. Do you have access to alternative schooling including online schooling?

um, no. and besides, i've moved school so things are a bit better. i see the attitude is a little different now than it was and i'll have to admit that it's high school and that people should not even be bullying each other cuhs that's just plain wrong and should be banned from all schools.
when my tutor--she's also a teacher at my current school--told me about the 70s and how she graduated i was amazed. back then there were jocks and all that and people had fun and didn't go around shooting others. now it's gotten worse. she said one guy started to pound another guy on the sink and when the guy got into a concussion the culprit decided to turn himself in, hoping that he would be exempt from punishment. but it backfired on him because he got expelled. that was terrible. i'm glad i wasn't there to witness it.

but of course i would never stoop to their level. it's just that i think about all the things i can do to hurt others back but i lack the courage and thank goodness i lack it. i wouldn't know where i'd be now if i didn't.

That is very true.

You should know that the experience of Hs where lots of kids who are exactly the same age are forced to associate with one another almost round the clock will not be repeated. Later in life.

Even in college and definitely in the workplace there would be people of different. Background, age, etc.

Nothing would be as horrible as now.

i wish i can just forgive and forget because I feel like if I keep this up, then things will not only get worse, but also make me sad. I don't want to dwell on the past, and the only way to do that is forgive and forget. So hopefully you all support my decision. I hate to hold onto something that someone has done to me a long time ago, especially since we were just kids. I mean, every kid is guilty of at least teasing someone, either calling them poor or fat ro whatever. but sometimes people take it very seriously and now I feel like I have been doing that when everyone else was just kidding it's just that the smiles on their faces made it seem like they had all the intentions to hurt me. It only exists in my mind because I know that most of the things that i do and think are really not there. I always assume that I'm right about what people are thinking and tehy reassure me that that's not the case and I'm wondering my mind is playing tricks again so now i feel like i have to control that better and not let other people's words or facial expressions get to me. maybe what i did or how i felt triggered a paranoid state.