how to be patient with people; forgiving others

I have been trying to be patient with people who get on my nerves. so far I am doing a little bit better but when they keep annoying me I don't know what else I can do. all I wanted to do is to just walk out on that person regardless of what they think of me. if they think i'm rude, fine. i don't care. i need to give them space and until they cool off, i will not return to speak to them.
there are things that people have done to me that are just so hard to forgive. i want to forgive but something tells me that i shouldn't because they should not have done that to me. there's this inner voice that tells me that i have every right to be angry. angry? why? why should I? it's been so long and it's ancient history. who cares if these people will not respect me? who cares if they don't like me? I'm done with all that bullcrap.
i'm done with it. i need to move on. screw the past.

If you could really be done with it and indifferent to them that would be good. Why hang on to something that just causes you pain? I hope you can get untangled from the memories and have some peace.

yeah i guess i should. there's a lot about me that you guys don't know.

bullied as a kid. fifth grade teacher made me awfully upset when he said nobody would want to marry me and that i would get beat up in junior high. never happened but i didn't really get along with people. plus, they were also racist, calling me this and that and asking me if i knew how to do this or whatnot. sixth grade year: caucasian teacher--nothing racial intended--who sent me down to the office many times to speak with my counselor and sometimes my dean to get me straightened out and stuff. I am still upset with him because he did not care when some girl called me names but when i did something bad, he would reprove me for a minute or two.

at times i still wanted revenge.

sixth grade: met a lot of catty girls who were ready to hurt me. i did not like girls since then. i started to become interested in other guys. i became attracted to men and ever since i have had feelings for them. but men can be jerks too sometimes.

if anything, the world should apologize to me.

Your anger should be expressed with out any guilt. Keep it to the point with out any add-ons. Do not use Angers in the past as a "Sour Tit".

Forgiveness is a kindness to yourself, not to the person who wronged you. If you can forgive, then you can move forward and not be trapped by the wrongs that have hurt you. These people are not hurting you because of something about you. It's about THEM. They are lost, injured, or damaged in some way. That had nothing to do with you. I'm sorry you have to bear this burden. *Hugs*

Have you ever done an honest assessment of your own part in this? Sorry but I don't believe in unconditional support. I think reality is a necessary part of resolution and healing.

i didn't mean like the entire world. well, i guess i exaggerated a little when i got upset.

plus i tend to make assumptions about what others might think if i did this as an action. i tend to be kind of sensitive when others make fun of me. i want to stop being so sensitive because most of teh people its all in my mind and that's not exactly what my friends intended to tell me. all tehy did was joke around and i just took it the wrong way. am i really that silly?

nope there's no harm in smiling at others. if someone does not smile back at me, i could care less. obviously they're going through something that they don't want to tell, but why be upset and expect others to know how you feel if you don't want to tell them? yeah, that has been me lately and I should not expect too much from others... instead, i should tell them.

I don't know how to move on from the past either. Forgiveness is very abstract to me. People say it is about healing yourself and not others and I get that and I get not letting the past define you, but what about when others define you by your past? Like, you are trying to move on from the past but they keep pulling you back into it. I don't know. I am sorry I don't have any advice to you, I'm kind of in the same place. It's all jumbled in my head.

I'm just sharing my story. I was once full of hatred and grudges. I removed myself from the person who was continually toxic and the surrounding others who were too immature to think for themselves, I immersed myself in an activity which I have talent in and made better company, and years later I meet the person who wronged me and you have no idea how victorious it is to interact with this person without feeling a single thing towards them- not looking out for signs of guilt/or forgiveness/knowing that you are not bound by their actions..

I don't know if I just grew old (lol) or I just improved my worth as a human being by enjoying what I do with people who do share the same goals, but something made me look at the bigger picture. And in that picture that silly person left no mark!