I just mentioned this in a response to another member's post. I thought it would be worth posting it as a new thread as well.

Is anyone old enough to remember the old original movie entitled "The Fly"? In this movie a scientist invents a transporter similar to that used on Star Trek. Well, he sends himself through his transporter but there is a fly in it as well. The scientist's & the fly's atoms get intermixed. So the fly ends up with the scientist's head & one arm (as I recall). And the scientist ends up with the fly's head & one fly limb. (It's gruesome.)

Anyway, there is a scene in the movie where the scientist is communicating with his wife by slipping notes under the closed & locked door of the scientist's laboratory. The scientist, in response to something his wife says, tells her that his brain is telling him to do strange things. Well, this is one of my problems. My brain tells me to do strange things. This has gone on since I was a child & now in my 60's it's the same.

I have major depression & anxiety disorder as well as other stuff, including gender identity dysphoria (GID). I assume it has something to do with all that. Does all of this sound familiar to anyone? It has always made me feel very weird! Thanks for your response!!!

[unaluna]

Interesting what sticks in our mind from the movie. I remember the little fly saying "help me!" - I guess that's what I wanted, how I felt. Good luck

[Thunder Bow]

I like "Avatar" better.

[H3rmit]

My mind only tells me to say things that, later, are obviously inappropriate. :/

Gender identity - I don't really have one. I don't feel a need for it. However, that makes it a strange puzzle in the world, as I've often been mistaken for the opposite sex. Luckily my husband is the same way, so we laugh about it sometimes. How is it for you?

I think I've seen The Fly, but it wasn't memorable for me.

Originally Posted by H3rmit

My mind only tells me to say things that, later, are obviously inappropriate. :/

Gender identity - I don't really have one. I don't feel a need for it. However, that makes it a strange puzzle in the world, as I've often been mistaken for the opposite sex. Luckily my husband is the same way, so we laugh about it sometimes. How is it for you?

I think I've seen The Fly, but it wasn't memorable for me.

Hello H3rmit: Thanks for your post! This is the crux of allot of my difficulties. I think I look pretty much like just another older guy... not especially masculine, but not really feminine either. (My previous therapist once observed that I don't have the most masculine walk... this had never occurred to me before & no one else has ever said anything about it.)

But, as far as I know most people just take me for a more-or-less normal older man. I haven't been employed for about a dozen or so years & I've now aged into retirement. But I am, at present, the president of out townhome association. This position doesn't require allot of expertise since we have a property management company. But still, I do need to maintain a certain appearance of competence. So I do. But, inside, as I've written previously, I feel like I'm just this roiling mass of psychosis. I spend almost every day wondering if this is going to be the day when I just finally lose it completely. Sometimes I wish I would just so I don't have to keep up the pretense anymore. I often think that if people knew what was going on inside my head, they would realize how truly warped I really am. I have recently begun to disclose just a bit of it. But it's really just the tip of the iceberg. There's allot more that I haven't disclosed & never will. It would just be too embarrassing. I'd be mortified!

Yes, the movie "The Fly" is a film I wish I could forget! But it is burned into my consciousness (LOL!) The only good thing to come out of it for me was that one scene I described which is useful for describing some of what I experience.

[unaluna]

Bones, thanks for the better explanation. I used to feel like my brain was a tied-up pork roast that somebody untied - just splat! and I could not keep it together anymore! Medication helped. How long do you have to be president for? I was being papergirl for our apartment complex (I really only wanted to do Sunday) and I couldn't handle the daily grind. It made coming home extremely unpleasant. I didn't like being beholden.

[H3rmit]

Originally Posted by Bedobones

But, inside, as I've written previously, I feel like I'm just this roiling mass of psychosis. I spend almost every day wondering if this is going to be the day when I just finally lose it completely. Sometimes I wish I would just so I don't have to keep up the pretense anymore. I often think that if people knew what was going on inside my head, they would realize how truly warped I really am. I have recently begun to disclose just a bit of it. But it's really just the tip of the iceberg. There's allot more that I haven't disclosed & never will. It would just be too embarrassing.

It's wonderful to have someone that can hear all of that stuff, but we don't always get someone like that even if we are married. I feel much the same as you, though I wouldn't use the word psychosis myself.

I found when I learned to dress female enough and tidily enough, people started accepting me as a standard unit, and lesbians stopped hitting on me. I mean seriously people just react to your clothes and superficials like that. The fact I have no makeup, purse or fancy hairdo or clothes, well, it doesn't matter because I am inside some arbitrary line. Little kids look at me hopefully thinking I'm a grandma I suppose, but I don't respond to them with that typical cooing manner they expect. I have no kids. That's who I am. I'm not really a people oriented person most of the time. And that's okay. I guess what I'm saying is there's a minimal amount of facade required for me. Then again, I avoid settings where more would be expected, I suppose. I picked a career where high-polish femininity was not required. I would be miserable attempting it, not that I ever have.

Maybe some sort of art or writing would be an outlet for the weirdness? As an artist you have a lot of freedom.

[unaluna]

The last time I wore a dress in public, the "other" mtf crossdresser was the only person who talked to me. Not a good day for me. Hankster be a her.

[Leed]

My "head" has tried talking to me for years, and sometimes it can drive me nuts.
I don't listen -- it's just a lot of "noise" up there - voices talking a 100mph.

I'm very reluctant to "go in there" though because it's a very bad neighborhood, so I don't go in there alone!

Wearing dresses? Last time I did that was 12 years ago, to a funeral. I felt SO uncomfortable! I feel more feminine in jeans and a nice top. I'm 64 yrs old, and was brought up wearing dresses --- but no thanks! Besides, the wind around here shows your back side (and everything else too )

[candidog]

Oh Please! What mind!LOL! My doctor even tells me I am a sick-a-zoid! LOL!
I don't know anything about a fly but saying what you don't mean that is very familiar.

I have a tendency to laugh when no one else is and then they look at me weird. But I don't care at least I am enjoying myself. Some of the things so called normal people are just so funny to me, but they are being serious. He He!

I don't have the other problem except I love my hair so short that I look like a guy. I hate long hair. I actually had a lesbian flirt with me one day. That was a strange experience, but I was flattered for some strange reason. LOL! Anyway be yourself and don't let others make you feel strange for being you!

It works for me!!!!! La La La La La! He He