[byebyebirdieeee]

Even though I have a loving boyfriend and am blessed with good-hearted friends, I still feel so alone. Not only alone, but I feel as though I am meant to be alone, and nobody will ever truly care about me or love me. I don't know how to overcome this, and I was wondering if anyone else out there feels or has felt the same way.

[BrokenNBeautiful]

Originally Posted by byebyebirdieeee

Even though I have a loving boyfriend and am blessed with good-hearted friends, I still feel so alone. Not only alone, but I feel as though I am meant to be alone, and nobody will ever truly care about me or love me. I don't know how to overcome this, and I was wondering if anyone else out there feels or has felt the same way.

Hello. I am glad you joined and shared this with us.

I relate to feeling like I can't be loved or that I am meant to be alone. I don't have any real advice, but I wanted to let you know that you are not alone in this. I feel similarly. I have a couple of ppl who care, too, but I don't feel like I should have that or how to deal with it.

Welcome to PC.

Carol

[tinyrabbit]

One thing that helped me was separating what I could decide, and what I couldn't. It's simply not up to me how other people feel about me and if they choose to like or love me, that's up to them. It's hard to shift your thinking round to this, but it is possible.

I too feel the same. I feel my purpose is to give and will never get anything in response.

[Thunder Bow]

Enjoy your Friendships, but also enjoy being alone. There is nothing wrong with that.

[spondiferous]

Originally Posted by byebyebirdieeee

Even though I have a loving boyfriend and am blessed with good-hearted friends, I still feel so alone. Not only alone, but I feel as though I am meant to be alone, and nobody will ever truly care about me or love me. I don't know how to overcome this, and I was wondering if anyone else out there feels or has felt the same way.

Welcome to PC, first of all. You're in a good place.

I struggle with exactly the same thing. I have amazing people in my life today (that hasn't always been the case) but when it all comes down to it I don't reach out in times of need. I often feel awkward calling people to make plans. And I'm always surprised when ANYONE in my life wants to initiate plans with me. It's a lonely feeling. In my bad times, I feel so isolated and cut off that I just want to either hurt the people I love by cutting them out of my life forever or just run away to another town and leave it all behind, thereby accomplishing the same thing.

Here's what I do to combat it: I tell people what's going on for me. I let them know how lonely I feel. And a lot of my friends (a lot of them struggle with their own issues as well) admit to feeling the same way. It reminds me that I'm not alone. And it's helping me build trust and openness, and let them into my heart just a little bit, so that even though I still have those times where I feel alone, it's not really true, and I can connect to the truth a lot more easily now than I used to.

Good luck on your path, and I hope to see you around the forums.

[l8blmr]

Hello byebye and welcome to the forum. I've spent a number of years feeling like an outsider, like everyone but me got the manual on how to be with each other. I've learned some things recently that seem to explain how I got that way. Here's a Wiki link to attachment theory:

Attachment theory - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

My mother was pretty neurotic and not good with children. Soon after I was born she went back to work in a factory. In the link above you'll find and explanation of how bad experiences in the first few months of life can do serious, long lasting harm. Finding a therapist willing to approach your issues from that perspective might be a good start. Also 'The Compassionate Mind' by Paul Gilbert gives a great explanation of influences on our development that are beyond our control.

Recognizing that you couldn't be any other way than how you are at this point is a beginning for developing compassion and kindness towards yourself and moving towards a happier life.

Consider this: In this Universe are many things: Ducks, Trees, People. There is no thing by itself- every thing that is, has others like it. There is nothing that there is only one of. Do you believe that there are some ducks that were born lovable, and some ducks that came forth who were simply unlovable? Were some of the ducks allowed to be with others and congregate, and some were just so bad they didn't deserve that kindness? Of course not. People either. There is not one single person, Adolf Hitler included, who was unlovable or destined to a loveless existence. If some people seem meant to be loved and accepted by others, what makes it possible that some of the same kind would be excluded inherently from such a need? Impossible. Long story short, you are lovable, because you are you, and you are loved and admired by people you didn't even know cared about you. Without you, existence would be incomplete, you are irreplaceable. Congratulations my friend, you are loved!

[BrokenNBeautiful]

Originally Posted by lightbulb7

Consider this: In this Universe are many things: Ducks, Trees, People. There is no thing by itself- every thing that is, has others like it. There is nothing that there is only one of. Do you believe that there are some ducks that were born lovable, and some ducks that came forth who were simply unlovable? Were some of the ducks allowed to be with others and congregate, and some were just so bad they didn't deserve that kindness? Of course not. People either. There is not one single person, Adolf Hitler included, who was unlovable or destined to a loveless existence. If some people seem meant to be loved and accepted by others, what makes it possible that some of the same kind would be excluded inherently from such a need? Impossible. Long story short, you are lovable, because you are you, and you are loved and admired by people you didn't even know cared about you. Without you, existence would be incomplete, you are irreplaceable. Congratulations my friend, you are loved!

I wish I could print this in huge letters and tell all seven billion ppl on earth this wonderful truth.

There are no unlovables.

I learned in recovery that love is when someone places external value on you. It does not necessarily reflect your own worth.

We are all lovable.

Carol

[possum220]

People do love you. Do you feel unable to connect to others? Still dont feel loved? It is possible that it relates to attachment disorder. If you weren't given the ability to attach to a significant person from day 1 then you won't have been given the life skills to connect to others.

People have told me they love me but I just feel shut off. The attachment theory link in a previous post has some great information on it.

[BrokenNBeautiful]

Originally Posted by possum220

If you weren't given the ability to attach to a significant person from day 1 then you won't have been given the life skills to connect to others.

This is very validating to my own problems with connection. Thanks!

Carol

[Cocosurviving]

I encourage you to consider therapy to get to the root cause.