[Miguelinileugim]

Some people have the problem of feeling too much, they find it hard to think straight unless they're completely calm and they experience emotions with earth-shattering intensity.

I have the opposite case, I'm one of those people who could still think rationally even while being pointed with a gun, having a bomb attached to his leg and watching all his loved ones die in front of him (OK, maybe I'm exaggerating).

Moreover I have a hard time trying to feel, I've progressed greatly in that matter recently but I'm still very closed emotionally, though I don't have anything to compare with (maybe I'm normal and I just want to be more sensitive, who knows).

So, though I enjoy being hyper-rational and having a nigh-absolute control of my emotions, I would like to be able to feel more too.

I've found that after constant and intense exposure my "emotional sensitivity" increases from very cold to somewhat warm, but when the exposure disappears the sensitivity does too! (And it's hard to find highly emotional input anyway, and it's usually very irregular)

Well, I don't have any idea on how to solve this permanently, any thoughts about this?

Thanks.

[Travelinglady]

Welcome! Some people engage in what's called intellectualization. It's a defense mechanism where they can talk about even what would normally be very painful experiences as if they were just describing it as an outsider, with none of the usual emotions.

I suggest you talk to a mental-health professional about it. I really was that way for a good while. For example, I went for a whole year in therapy, talking about how I was emotionally abused and I never shed a tear. But now I am more in touch with my emotions--and even was able to feel the hurt and anger as a result.

[lemon80s]

Just want to say I know what you mean! I am starting therapy only recently and am hoping this will help me get to my emotions someday.

I once was in a terrible fire, saw a woman burn to death and I was unmoved. When my friends are crying right next to me, I am unmoved. The only thing that reassures me that I DO HAVE the emotions is that I can feel them when they are further away. So, something on TV that strikes me as sad and beautiful at the same time.. I'll feel a tear well up. (It's gone pretty instantly, but hey.. it's something)

I recently tried to identify when I do and don't feel and I recognise the pattern of
- Close by: me, family, friends, people I know > don't feel a thing
- Far away: tv, newspaper clipping, youtube clip > might feel a thing

From what I read so far it can be due to the emotional neglect and abuse I suffered (suffering feels silly to use, because I don't feel any pain thinking about this). I hope my therapist and I can figure out how to get to them feelings!

So yeh. Just hope you can figure it out! Are you in therapy? It might be the only way. I don't know yet.

[Miguelinileugim]

Originally Posted by PAYNE1

Welcome! Some people engage in what's called intellectualization. It's a defense mechanism where they can talk about even what would normally be very painful experiences as if they were just describing it as an outsider, with none of the usual emotions.

I suggest you talk to a mental-health professional about it. I really was that way for a good while. For example, I went for a whole year in therapy, talking about how I was emotionally abused and I never shed a tear. But now I am more in touch with my emotions--and even was able to feel the hurt and anger as a result.

Originally Posted by lemon80s

Just want to say I know what you mean! I am starting therapy only recently and am hoping this will help me get to my emotions someday.

I once was in a terrible fire, saw a woman burn to death and I was unmoved. When my friends are crying right next to me, I am unmoved. The only thing that reassures me that I DO HAVE the emotions is that I can feel them when they are further away. So, something on TV that strikes me as sad and beautiful at the same time.. I'll feel a tear well up. (It's gone pretty instantly, but hey.. it's something)

I recently tried to identify when I do and don't feel and I recognise the pattern of
- Close by: me, family, friends, people I know > don't feel a thing
- Far away: tv, newspaper clipping, youtube clip > might feel a thing

From what I read so far it can be due to the emotional neglect and abuse I suffered (suffering feels silly to use, because I don't feel any pain thinking about this). I hope my therapist and I can figure out how to get to them feelings!

So yeh. Just hope you can figure it out! Are you in therapy? It might be the only way. I don't know yet.

Thanks for your help! (Sorry for the late reply, I didn't receive any message by e-mail).

Intellectualization is something I automatically do with negative feelings (is very very useful) but hardly something I would ever think to do with a positive feeling, I think that's not the problem.

And I have not been abused nor anything like that, I just somehow acted like if society expected me to be cold and emotionless, since I was very young, my mother told me that when I had to take a vaccine I didn't cry at all (and ironically that was some sort of unintended positive reinforcement for me)

Though I remember crying for silly things when I was younger, now I can't, no matter how intense the emotion (though I cry every time I yawn, so it's hardly a physical problem)

And I'm not in therapy (I was for other reasons, mainly OCD and an exaggerated lack of social abilities), but I think I can learn anything for myself, my introverted nature lets me make almost any psychological change by myself with ease (at least rational changes) and very hard to change through other people.

Thanks again for your help! (Both)

[sugahorse1]

I am slowly getting more in touch with my emotions, but I've literally imploded a few times by not letting my emotions out and it's taken me a good while in therapy to start this process. I still haven't cried in therapy, and also talk my experiences as an outsider.

[avlady]

It could be a pshycical problem in your tear ducts, the reason you can't cry much. i know me myself havn't cried in over 30 years, as i think because i went through something so sad I can't cry anymore because I've cried soo much there's no tears left. I don't know if it has anything to do with your emotions but maybe?

[PurpleFlyingMonkeys]

I can be the same way. My therapists have always been amazed at how calmly and rationally I can talk about the grisly details of my past without a plicker in my eye. I learned at a very young age that feelings are not to be expressed. Feeling is bad basically.

Over time though I learned to accept and allow my feelings. Still when situations arise where I am in immediate danger, my feelings get pushed far away and I am able to calmly and rationally find a solution. But after the immediate danger the feelings now kick in and are extremely overwhelming. I think it has to do with my black and white thinking or something of the sort. As in my life it's always to the extreme, either too much or too little.
Therapists have been able to help me unlock the emotions. I cant control them anything like I used to be able to but I was able to finally feel joy and fun and peace and fear and pain, all of the emotions. While they are overwhelming at times, it's wonderful to be able to feel when you never feel anything.

If you're not with a therapist I highly suggest you find one, they can help you break the barrier and help you to allow yourself to feel again. I stopped therapy too quickly to learn how to deal with the overwhelming emotions but I actually cry at commercials and chick flicks now (not saying you will but it's NEVER been something I've done before, I never felt anything about anything) I'm able to feel angry toward those who deserve it, I'm able to feel happy when life is going well, and even when it's not I can still feel happy. The problem with not feeling your emotions is that when you block your emotions you block them all, the good and the bad. And on the best day of your life you still can't feel happy.

You can work through it though, with therapy and time it can get better. Best of luck to you

ETA: Being in therapy isn't about them changing you, it's about them giving you tools and techniques to apply to yourself so you can change yourself. Example: When I went through a horrible anxiety phase my therapist was able to give me positive affirmations to use which helped my sleeping which in turn helped my anxiety. They don't change you, they just give you the tools to change yourself.

[Miguelinileugim]

Originally Posted by sugahorse1

I am slowly getting more in touch with my emotions, but I've literally imploded a few times by not letting my emotions out and it's taken me a good while in therapy to start this process. I still haven't cried in therapy, and also talk my experiences as an outsider.

Sorry, I hardly have any repressed emotion, if I had I'll hardly have any problem (at least not of the sort I suffer).

Originally Posted by avlady

It could be a pshycical problem in your tear ducts, the reason you can't cry much. i know me myself havn't cried in over 30 years, as i think because i went through something so sad I can't cry anymore because I've cried soo much there's no tears left. I don't know if it has anything to do with your emotions but maybe?

Well, tears are not like egg cells, they can be created again and again, and I don't think that I have that physical problem, I cry 100% of the times I yawn.

Originally Posted by PurpleFlyingMonkeys

I can be the same way. My therapists have always been amazed at how calmly and rationally I can talk about the grisly details of my past without a plicker in my eye. I learned at a very young age that feelings are not to be expressed. Feeling is bad basically.

Over time though I learned to accept and allow my feelings. Still when situations arise where I am in immediate danger, my feelings get pushed far away and I am able to calmly and rationally find a solution. But after the immediate danger the feelings now kick in and are extremely overwhelming. I think it has to do with my black and white thinking or something of the sort. As in my life it's always to the extreme, either too much or too little.
Therapists have been able to help me unlock the emotions. I cant control them anything like I used to be able to but I was able to finally feel joy and fun and peace and fear and pain, all of the emotions. While they are overwhelming at times, it's wonderful to be able to feel when you never feel anything.

If you're not with a therapist I highly suggest you find one, they can help you break the barrier and help you to allow yourself to feel again. I stopped therapy too quickly to learn how to deal with the overwhelming emotions but I actually cry at commercials and chick flicks now (not saying you will but it's NEVER been something I've done before, I never felt anything about anything) I'm able to feel angry toward those who deserve it, I'm able to feel happy when life is going well, and even when it's not I can still feel happy. The problem with not feeling your emotions is that when you block your emotions you block them all, the good and the bad. And on the best day of your life you still can't feel happy.

You can work through it though, with therapy and time it can get better. Best of luck to you

ETA: Being in therapy isn't about them changing you, it's about them giving you tools and techniques to apply to yourself so you can change yourself. Example: When I went through a horrible anxiety phase my therapist was able to give me positive affirmations to use which helped my sleeping which in turn helped my anxiety. They don't change you, they just give you the tools to change yourself.

Well, I think I understood your point, but in general, meeting with a therapist is either too expensive with a private therapist or not enough with a public therapist (here in Spain we have some sort of "Social security").

And I think I can do it by myself, but anyway, thanks for your story and your help!

[spondiferous]

Good luck with finding a resolution. I have often been told by people that I don't react to anything and that people can not tell what I am thinking or feeling (I am used to projecting a mask of either calm or stone silence, and in a lot of cases people have told me I'm intimidating, which makes me laugh given how I feel), and I tend to overanalyze things and intellectualize things sometimes, but I can't say I've got the same issue.

[winter1989]

As long as you keep moving at what ever pace. xx

[Thunder Bow]

Gad, "Intellectualization" is big long word! and my spell check on my browser says it is misspelled and I even don't how to spell it right! We sure can get tangled up in big long words when it comes to our feelings. The trouble is, we use emotions to communicate. They come before thoughts or words!