[GirlOfManyFaces]

Recently I've been having more flashbacks and memories of what I went through. I see my abuser's face everywhere. I'm just a kid and I can't focus anymore. I'm about to be in 10th grade and starting a new chapter in my life, but I can't more on from being raped and abused. It's been 5 months. I should be better by now. But my issues just get bigger and bigger

My other personality is pushing me over the edge. I just feel insane when she is here. Normal people don't have alternate personalities. Normal people don't have another life inside of them. I don't want to be crazy. I just can't help it. I'm insane and I can't do anything right. I can't get rid of Lizzie.

All this stress and emotion is tearing me down. I'm out of control with my life. I get weaker urge after urge. The urge to drink is so strong but Im not giving in. I did give into my SI urges. And I am ashamed.

Does anyone have any help or advice for me? I could really use some help. I'm trying to stay calm but really I'm about to explode.
Please comment if you have anything to say.

[kaliope]

I hope you have a t helping you thru this. now would be the time to call and see if you can get an appt sooner rather than later. you are stronger than you think. you are making good choices by not drinking, that's tough. there is no time table that says "you should be better now". you get better in your own time, when your body and your mind heals from the trauma. you cant force that time table. everybody grieves according to their own schedule. T should be your best friend right now helping you through this. hang in there

[ocdwifeofsociopath]

I'm catholic and when I would wake up from bad dreams I would say the Our Father. I'm not suggesting you do something religious necessarily. I have no idea what you believe. But repeating something out loud that I had grown up with being a "comfort" always helped me sleep better. Maybe there's a nursery rhyme you love, or a poem. I think the hearing my own voice brought some reality to the present moment as well. Now I'm on Zoloft and rarely have any bad thoughts or dreams. good luck, and sorry to anybody who thinks I'm trying to push religion. It's not my intention.

[GirlOfManyFaces]

Originally Posted by kaliope

I hope you have a t helping you thru this. now would be the time to call and see if you can get an appt sooner rather than later. you are stronger than you think. you are making good choices by not drinking, that's tough. there is no time table that says "you should be better now". you get better in your own time, when your body and your mind heals from the trauma. you cant force that time table. everybody grieves according to their own schedule. T should be your best friend right now helping you through this. hang in there

I don't have a T and getting one is not an option. I'm completely alone in all of this.

[Thunder Bow]

5 months is a short time, and please get a "T" ASAP!

[tinyrabbit]

Why "should" you be better by now? Five months isn't long, and maybe it's a tall order to expect you to just magically get better without help and support.

Why is a T out of the question?

[Ultra Darkness]

Considering your circumstances, and the fact that you've had to deal with your problems without help from your parents, I wouldn't say you're too fragile for this. I'd say you're stronger than you know.

To the rest of you: Sometimes a T just isn't an option. If I had severe problems I'd be on my own too, because the nearest T to where I live is almost a hundred miles away. That's not the case here, but I can still tell you that it's frustrating to look for help here, and always be told to find a T.

Ok, I'm done now.

[GirlOfManyFaces]

Originally Posted by Thunder Bow

5 months is a short time, and please get a "T" ASAP!

Originally Posted by tinyrabbit

Why "should" you be better by now? Five months isn't long, and maybe it's a tall order to expect you to just magically get better without help and support.

Why is a T out of the question?

I can't get a therapist for many reasons
1. I can't afford it
2. I have a bad experience with therapists
3. I FREAK OUT when I even think about talking to a T
4. I would have to talk to my parents if I got a T
5. My other personality hates therapists too.
So it's just not an option

Originally Posted by Ultra Darkness

severe problems I'd be on my own too, because the nearest T to where I live is almost a hundred miles away. That's not the case here, but I can still tell you that it's frustrating to look for help here, and always be told to find a T.

Ok, I'm done now.

Thank you so much for understanding you have really helped me through everything I've been through

[Thunder Bow]

If you hate therapists..etc..etc...that means you are feeling uncomfortable during therapy, which means you were making progress. It is your choice to stay on the healing path.

[~Christina]

I honestly think Therapy will help you, yes it will be hard , your life is hard now so why not reach for help and focus on healing so you will be able to feel better.

I hope you find help.

[kala83]

I can undestand all you say about therapy being hard for you, but the main thing anyone with any kind of mental disorder is going through needs to realize at to realize at some point in time is that, if you want to change from how things are now.
Sometimes you have to take risks, change is not easy, in fact its down right horrifying and scary as hell at times.

But if change is what you really want sometimes you have to step out of your comfort zones to get that change.

But with that being said you can get therapy without going to a therapist also.

if you would like I would be more the ok with you adding me as a friend and messaging me here any time you needed somene to talk to.
Things like that are really helpful and I would be more then happy to offer it to you if you need it.

[Ultra Darkness]

Originally Posted by GirlOfManyFaces

Thank you so much for understanding you have really helped me through everything I've been through

You're very welcome.