[Hellion]

Well he's going through a pretty hard time too, he has some legal stuff to deal with but out of respect I won't go too much into that on a public forum. Anyways he's broke and still putting in lots of hours at work but really needs his pay check which his boss is significantly late on giving him.

He needs to pay off some things and might need to hire a representative for the legal stuff. I am just kind of worried because he was pretty depressed when I saw him yesterday, it was his birthday to. I don't think hes going to intentionally hurt himself or anything its just hard seeing him all down and out.

I have a lot on my plate as well, I mean I finally gave in to trying an anti-depressant I was prescribed because I am painfully depressed. My therapist suggested it, since otherwise I was considering the psych ward...which I still am if the anti-depressant doesn't help or causes more side effects than its worth. Then I have the SSI appeal process, applying for state assistance and tension at home because I don't get along well with my moms boyfriend, I do try but he really irritates me much of the time. And I never was exactly happy about my parents divorce so maybe that factors in.

Is anyone else dealing with a down and out parent or family member, while trying to stay sane your self. I am not going to avoid him just because he's depressed but I do have to sort of make sure I don't neglect myself by worrying about him too much. Oh also my brother is homeless right now and neither he or I have cell phone minutes so I only hear from him if hes with someone with a phone. He's not in terrible mental health, right now he seems to be making the best of it, but even so its hard not to worry. So what do I do about obsessive worrying about people?

[eskielover]

I have learned over my 60 years of living that it doesn't do any good to worry over things we have no control over or no way to fix......some things just are what they are. I usually have enough of my own serious issues that I'm dealing with......let others worry about their own issues especially when there is nothing I can do to fix or change their situation....it is what it is also.......then I trust in God to provide & he always provides for my needs.....every time even when I feel there is no possibility.....God proves me wrong.

The fact is that we usually can't do anything to solve another person's problems....they know the most about the situation they are in & if they need specific help....I can do that....but mostly I can't completely solve their problems....any more than others can solve my problems so I have learned to worry less & less about others & figure they will be able to work their way through their situation knowing it better than anyone else....so why worry?????

[Hellion]

I suppose its enough to care and still keep him in my life, I mean I know if I told him I was spending so much time worrying he'd probably tell me not to, same with my brother. And I have more enough things to worry about already.

Concern is ok, but obsessing over it so much it stresses me out doesn't really do anyone any good I suppose. Especially when I know in reality they are ok my dad is living at a family friends house for now and my brother has lots of friends and people he can stay with. I am just not sure how to avoid the excessive worrying, I can't keep always put others first to the extent I put off things that are important to me. I guess I feel like such a failure at life I feel like I have to endlessly make up for it.

[eskielover]

Just remember. excessively worrying about others in your family doesn't make up for anything...it just makes you more miserable without any way to accomplish anything.

I have a friend who puts herself 200% into trying to solve everyone's problems when she has enough of her own to deal with. When we even mention a problem we are dealing with, she jumps into solve it mode even when she doesn't know anything really about the problem & has really no idea how to solve it....but she's sure in her mind that she has the solution & if you don't accept her solution, she gets a bit irritated.....not saying that's what you are doing.....but basically all the worrying in the world & all the problem solving thinking in the world by others most of the time can't solve the problems that we ourselves have been thinking through since we have known about the problem.....I have told her that unless I ask her for idea on solving the problem, the best thing she can offer is prayer for a solution to work out because most of the time by the time I even comment about a problem I have...I have already usually spent hours & hours trying to come up with a solution & have most of the direction planned out on how to proceed with the solution.....& sometimes there are no solutions & even she can't force a solution to happen & sometimes we just have to make the best out of the situation in hopes that something else will show up.

Unless the person is incapable of solving their own problems, they usually have more of the necessary information for the solution of their own problem than all our worrying can create & worrying without plans for a solution is a waste of energy....let them do the worrying & the thinking & the asking for whatever help they determine they need & be there to offer the help they might need, not the worrying

[Thunder Bow]

Psych Central is a good "Psych Ward" for you to be in. Keep posting here. Try moving or living in your own place. It may be difficult at 1st, but it is well worth it.

[shezbut]

(((Hellion)))

I'm sorry that you're feeling so down and worrisome.

I can relate ~ I am a big worrier. I always have been. I try to remind myself every now and then that I do worry a bit too much. Things will be taken care of, one way or another. They always are ~ and me worrying about it doesn't change anything. I'm already doing the best that I can and that's all that I can do.

Those reminders do help me put things into perspective. It helps, because otherwise, I go into self-kicking mode from there. "Why can't I do this or handle that? Why??" And those thoughts never lead me anywhere good. I'd advise you to try the same technique, and talk with your T about your worries. That helps too!