[kala83]

so I just got a long drawn out email from one of my uncles.

Telling a whole bunch of people in the family how my father took money from his dying mother with or with out her knowing. Last year and is not holding up his side of the bargain to help with finically supplement his own brother, and his own nephew who both helped, his mother when she was dying from cancer.]

secondly I am horrified I don't feel like he is going to leave me anything when he is gone....and I don't know how to handle being in contact with the family when or if they decide to write him off
but I already have a lot of issues with him as is...I mean because of my abusive past with him.....I am fairly sure that why I suck so badly at having male relationships
I am starting to notice my compulsive lying habits and sexual habits usually come about around males....
it bothers me greatly that my history with him affect my present life situations cause I have simply not come to ful terms with the trauma I had to deal with from my own father.

[Leed]

Hi dear Kala ~ It sounds like you're not the only one that has issues with your father. It sounds like the whole family does. But you in particular have serious issues with him due to the abuse and that's something that you're going to have to deal with. And in order to do that, you're going to need the help of a therapist. Ask your doctor to refer you to a good therapist, hon -- he will know who would be a good one for you. Going thru therapy is great, and helps you to deal with issues such as abuse. Now I'm not going to tell you that it isn't sometimes painful, because we have to go back and remember the past abusive episodes, but that is HELPFUL in getting rid of the past. So please, get the referral and get into therapy. It's the ONLY way to heal.

I wish you the very best Kala. Please let us know how things go, okay? God bless and please take care. Hugs, Lee

[kala83]

I am GOING to therapist and he is working with me on all of these things. Its slow going but it is being delt with.

[Perna]

Originally Posted by kala83

it bothers me greatly that my history with him affect my present life situations

How could they not? It's your only experience?

I was fortunate to have a good father but my mother died when I was young and I had a stepmother and her family. . . :-)

I would concentrate on yourself, get some therapy for your own issues and not depend on your father or worry about your uncles and that generation; they have their own battles and we weren't there/weren't born yet to know how they were brought up and what they were fighting, etc.

It does not sound like your father is any great "catch" and I would turn from him, write him off myself as a loss, and work on my own character (turning the lying, etc. around and working to make some good male connections, etc.). I spent at least half my life in therapy to work on my mother issues and found it to be well worth it. It was/is hard work though.