[OR82]

Not sure where this belongs. I have come to the conclusion that I am not depressed....just VERY LONELY. Not sure what to do anymore. How does a shy introvert not be lonely...question of my life I guess. Sorry to bother anyone but I honestly have no one to talk to. And before anyone asks yes I see a T but that is the only time I ever get to really say anything....sad that I have to pay someone to talk to me......just want to cry and sleep....that way I do not know I am alone.

[Poppy Princess]

Have you tried finding groups yet?

[OR82]

Originally Posted by ArmyGirl

Have you tried finding groups yet?

Yes and there are none where I am at. Even thought of volunteering but nothing that suits my interests or nothing that would fit my schedule...

[Poppy Princess]

Do you have any religion? Church can be a good place to make friends.

OR82, I have felt tormented by loneliness for a long, long time, and I have made many threads on PC about the subject. It can be frustrating that others are unable to understand what it is like to feel like you have nobody in life.

You’ll be told to connect with others that share your interests, which isn’t necessarily easy if you have such eccentric interests like me or live in an isolated area, and it’s not like having a shared interest is the ticket to a social life or future relationship of some kind. (Some of the worst folks I’ve ever met share my interests.) You’ll be told to volunteer or visit clubs, which might be awesome but won’t necessarily lead to a lasting social life. All this advice, while appreciated, is not helpful in coping with loneliness, especially if it is severe.

Outside of work, school, or hook-ups with the help of other friends finding someone in the adult world that you can connect with is close to impossible, unless you visit a bar or some club, but then only a certain kind of individual in my opinion hangs out at these places. I was told, for example, that my options for socializing are extremely limited because I don’t consume alcoholic beverages.

I know what it’s like to have no one to talk to except a T, and yes, it is a sad fact that we can’t chat or socialize with others other than someone that is paid to listen to you. Sometimes I think some of us (me!) were meant to be lonely, since nothing I do to connect with others seems to make the slightest difference.

Nothing I say will help, I know that, but I hope that my being able to empathize with your situation offers some support

[H3rmit]

Originally Posted by Mr. Venomous

You’ll be told to connect with others that share your interests, which isn’t necessarily easy if you have such eccentric interests like me or live in an isolated area, and it’s not like having a shared interest is the ticket to a social life or future relationship of some kind. (Some of the worst folks I’ve ever met share my interests.) You’ll be told to volunteer or visit clubs, which might be awesome but won’t necessarily lead to a lasting social life. All this advice, while appreciated, is not helpful in coping with loneliness, especially if it is severe.

I think I gave you some very practical and realistic advice, which also worked for me in the same situation as you. You didn't acknowledge it, which is your right, of course. But here is the thread for reference. Perhaps OR82 can use it:

http://forums.psychcentral.com/relat...ml#post3034643

Loneliness hurts. I suffered it from about age 11 to age 42, just as you two are suffering.

[roseblossom]

Originally Posted by H3rmit

I think I gave you some very practical and realistic advice, which also worked for me in the same situation as you. You didn't acknowledge it, which is your right, of course. But here is the thread for reference. Perhaps OR82 can use it:

http://forums.psychcentral.com/relat...ml#post3034643

Loneliness hurts. I suffered it from about age 11 to age 42, just as you two are suffering.

Hi also have a great deal of loneliness to contend with - my best friend is someone I met online who I chat to on the phone, but I lack someone to go out with locally to where I live.

I don't mean to hijack this thread, but I read the post in the above link and want to ask about it. Here is a copy of the section I am talking about :-

Interests are supposed to provide a comfortable context in which to get to know someone. I don't share my husband's main interests - engineering and computing science. It's like hard sudoku to me, just trying to understand what he's excited about each day. However, we share values and recreational activities and we don't want kids. Shared values with someone in your appropriate age bracket is what you should be looking for. Compatibility. What are the ingredients of compatibility? Values are what a life is based on. Get to know yours and those of other people. This takes time.

I'm not really sure what shared values are? Do you mean like being nice to people, wanting people to be genuine and that kind of thing? I think that probably is what you mean, but I just want to check as I could also do with some information on how to connect with people and build relationships. Thanks.

[avlady]

I suffer from lonliness in the daytime during the week when my husband is at work and my son gone to school or work. The only thing that helps is knowing they'll be home after4 or5. In between i do housework, play piano, and listen to music on the radio. i don't know why but i do enjoy my time to myself because i'm disabled and get seizures and gets me scared to go places that are too far.i also can't get job because i'm on social security, but i do wish i had a job, for the hours when i'm alone. i feel lost when i'm alone, and am starved for affection in the aftenoons.

[H3rmit]

Originally Posted by roseblossom

I don't mean to hijack this thread, but I read the post in the above link and want to ask about it.

I don't want to hijack it either, and I debated whether I should answer you privately, but I was advised to just continue this thread. If that's wrong, this post can be deleted by the OP here or anyone else reporting it. Anyway, I started a new thread to answer your question, and here it is:

http://forums.psychcentral.com/other...ml#post3039807

[sprik]

i am very lonely, i have no interest in anything, im always bored, and when i try something, i get real bored with it quickly. Im a hermit, all i want to do is sleep. I hate going anywhere, no have no friends, trying to date online, thats completely horrible!!!!!! I want to vol but trying to force myself to go there and let them I want to do it is hard. I have been depressed lately and my T said i have to find things to do, like what i asked her?????? I hate everything!!!!!!! if u ever want to talk let me know, we can be bored together lol

[liveforfish]

Sounds like severe depression too. There isn't anything you like? Crafts, games, sewing, gardening, anything? You may not like it or get bored, but at least try to go for routine. Keep at it for at least a month to establish routine. Try an exercise class or Yoga. Something to get you out of the house. It'll be hard so expect that.

[OR82]

If you are talking me....then yea. I like things...helping others and exercise.

[IceCreamKid]

Originally Posted by OR82

Not sure where this belongs. I have come to the conclusion that I am not depressed....just VERY LONELY. Not sure what to do anymore. How does a shy introvert not be lonely...question of my life I guess. Sorry to bother anyone but I honestly have no one to talk to. And before anyone asks yes I see a T but that is the only time I ever get to really say anything....sad that I have to pay someone to talk to me......just want to cry and sleep....that way I do not know I am alone.

Have you ever gone to places where people gather to get some social interaction that way? The zoo, an art museum, a public garden? It's easier to comment to other people when there is something obvious to comment on. Or you can ask docents questions. Local public schools have plays and performances and festivals and the like during the school year; that is also a low-cost way to interact with other people. One of these suggestions might be a start for you to make friends.

[ChicagoFire]

I understand the loneliness. I'm happy to find this forum where we can all share.....it seems less lonely. Thank you all for sharing, I can relate to you.

[jsmcmaho]

I feel that way too a lot of the time. There is light at the end of the tunnel! It is sometimes hard for sometime to really appreciate an introverted person. I feel like the extroverts get all the credit sometimes. It is important to encourage yourself and know that you are awesome no matter how shy you are. Think of the thing that will or used to give you the most joy possible and go do it! if thats not possible, take a walk, and yes look into support groups. There are people in the world worth talking to, even though it always feels like there isnt.

[OR82]

I talk to one person all the time...she is perfect but...its just hopeless...four years alone...something must be wrong with me.

[OR82]

I hate that statement...not being rude here but it is not that easy. You make it sound like picking up a bottle of pop from the store.

[susan900]

Originally Posted by OR82

Yes and there are none where I am at. Even thought of volunteering but nothing that suits my interests or nothing that would fit my schedule...

Hi OR82,

I just been reading your message above.. and I do understand beeing lonely too! But for me im married and have two daugthers, when my daughters left home, a couple of years ago, I cried for several days. And they didn't understand, and this made things worse, cos they then didnt want to see me much and to be so needy. I now understand that cos, I have not had much support off siblings/parents etc.. And I have had alot of rejection. I was feeling like this.
What I am finding that helps is to not think that other people can met my every need. And that people have their own issues. Also to try to be happy with my own company. And when we are content with ourselfs, then we can find people draw to us. I hope you can find something you like doing. And I do struggle to be always positive thinking, But know it helps alot. Wish you best of luck, and remember you are not alone. God loves you too.

[Thunder Bow]

Loneliness is what makes the world go around, it is the cause of our wars and our growing and healing. It is what makes us Human.

[OR82]

Originally Posted by susan900

Hi OR82,

I just been reading your message above.. and I do understand beeing lonely too! But for me im married and have two daugthers, when my daughters left home, a couple of years ago, I cried for several days. And they didn't understand, and this made things worse, cos they then didnt want to see me much and to be so needy. I now understand that cos, I have not had much support off siblings/parents etc.. And I have had alot of rejection. I was feeling like this.
What I am finding that helps is to not think that other people can met my every need. And that people have their own issues. Also to try to be happy with my own company. And when we are content with ourselfs, then we can find people draw to us. I hope you can find something you like doing. And I do struggle to be always positive thinking, But know it helps alot. Wish you best of luck, and remember you are not alone. God loves you too.

I appreciate the gesture but when you are "with your own company" all the time (outside of work, at work I work) there is only so much of that you can take. Three years is about my limit.

I am feeling lonely lately. I dont recall a time when I felt lonely, per se. Alone yes. But lonely, not so much. I am someone that has always enjoyed my own company and didnt mind doing stuff on my own.

Lately, though, I have been feeling that companionship is important and something I would like to incorporate into my life, but I dont know the first way to go about it in an organic way. No dating sites or group things sound appealing.

I find myself enjoying my own company in many instances much more than the superficial company of others.

In fact there are many times that I would rather just spend time at home with my cat than hanging out with the people I meet who bring zero to the table for me. Sad but true.

I dont know if it is because there is something really "wrong" with me or if I have just grown out of certain types of personas and personalities (mostly faux tbh). It is incredibly boring for me to hang out with terribly superficial people. It is a yawn. And frankly I have little patience for it. And I really dont care. It is hard to like a fake person.

I would like to have company and be in the company of people, but nothing applies from my past any longer. Harder still is that the things I love I do not have the funds to do so it makes things complicated.

I have done the whole volunteer thing for a good portion of my life, and frankly, I am just not interested in doing it anymore. It is very rewarding but it is exhausting. And pretty thankless.

(Really pitiful to admit, too, but I find myself missing my ex a little bit. We were totally wrong for each other and not a good match at all and I have to keep reminding myself of that. You know you are lonely when you miss something that was not good. At all).

There has to be a way, though. I will keep working on it and report back )

[autotelica]

I'm very lonely and alienated.

The alienation is a constant for me. I came into this world feeling like I don't really belong here. But over the past few years, I've started experiencing loneliness. It's like 35+ years of isolation have finally caught up to me and now my insides are aching for some type of relationship.

Earlier this week, my psychotherapist stroked my hand as she tried to get me to relax during a relaxation exercise. It was such a nice, comforting feeling, though it didn't seem like such a big deal at the time. Now it's all I can think about.

I want to feel comfortable enough with another person so that I may be touched like that again, but I know it will never happen. Just like having a friend is never going to happen. It was a lot easier thinking about life when I didn't want these things.

I had an emergency session today. My therapist said wanting these things is a sign of progress and that now I have something to work towards. The way I see it, now I have even more reason to be miserable. There's nothing good about wanting things you can't have.

[OR82]

Originally Posted by autotelica

I'm very lonely and alienated.

The alienation is a constant for me. I came into this world feeling like I don't really belong here. But over the past few years, I've started experiencing loneliness. It's like 35+ years of isolation have finally caught up to me and now my insides are aching for some type of relationship.

Earlier this week, my psychotherapist stroked my hand as she tried to get me to relax during a relaxation exercise. It was such a nice, comforting feeling, though it didn't seem like such a big deal at the time. Now it's all I can think about.

I want to feel comfortable enough with another person so that I may be touched like that again, but I know it will never happen. Just like having a friend is never going to happen. It was a lot easier thinking about life when I didn't want these things.

I had an emergency session today. My therapist said wanting these things is a sign of progress and that now I have something to work towards. The way I see it, now I have even more reason to be miserable. There's nothing good about wanting things you can't have.

It's not about having things you "can't" have. It's more about not knowing how to get them. I know where you are coming from...obviously, but for anyone feeling lonely it is about working toward not being that way. My problem is I do not know how to do that. Maybe the same can be said for you? Just a word of encouragement.

[OR82]

I can't do it.....I can't, not another one.....not alone again on another one.....I can't....

[albrecht86]

Have you tried meetup.com ? It's helped me a bit, but be warned many events will be either complete hit OR miss and you do need to put a bit of effort into researching it. Let me know if you'd like more pointers from my experience!